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(5 Posts)
needadvicequickly Wed 27-Jul-16 18:17:19

Have NC for this there will be too many details that could out me

Need some neutral advice from some people who won't take sides..

Been split from my ex 4 years..have 3 DCs with him 4,9,12

Not really relevant but live with new partner and have a baby DD with him.

Anyway, ex hasn't been the best father by a long stretch, repeatedly cancels and lies to DCs.
He now has a new partner also who he loves with he has 2 SC and a bio DC with her. Originally they used to have an overnight stay at their dads for one night once a month and he would see them sparingly throughout the month for the odd few hours.
His GF then decided she didn't want/couldn't cope with my DCs staying there or even being there-for whatever reason-so banned him from taking my children there.
All through this I have never once stopped contact-when there has been times I maybe should have- because ultimately I don't want my children to resent me for them not seeing their dad. And they still wanted to all this time.
So anyway for the last 2 years they haven't been to their dads house he has contact with them at GMs house.recently he has been messing them about even more, cancelled the last two weekends in a row and I found out today he had lied and said he couldn't take them last weekend due to work commitments then my son saw photos on Facebook of him at a family bbq with his bio Dc that he lives with.
Pulled him up about it and he basically went off on one saying he shouldn't have to explain himself to me blah blah..then he has now deleted our DC off his Facebook as he said he's "sick of this sh*t"
Anyway there is more to this story but that's the main points. Have always stayed civil despite all our differences and the amount of times he's hurt my children.

Just wondered if anyone had any advice as to what I should do now? Only want what's best for my children and at the moment can see good and bad on both sides of the decision I make?

needadvicequickly Wed 27-Jul-16 19:35:24


BexusSugarush Wed 27-Jul-16 19:53:53

This is a really tough one, I feel for you.

It sounds like he's putting his new family first which is a horrible thing to do, but there's very little you can do about it, unfortunately.

However hard it is, it might be worth finding ways to slowly adjust your kids to him not being in their lives. If it were me I would demand that he explains it to his kids, most of whom are old enough to understand.

Really sorry I can't be of more help, but it sounds like you're being an amazingly tolerant woman of him, supportive mum of your kids and just all-round good person considering the s* situation. xx

needadvicequickly Wed 27-Jul-16 20:00:04

Thanks for the advice to be honest anything will help at this moment in time..

I'm quite a level headed person and try before I make any decisions to think about long term affects of my decision. My ex has been truly awful to me, and the kids have many times witnessed that, which is not good either. However when broaching the subject of stopping contact with the children they got very upset and I decided I didn't want to be the person doing that to them and making that decision on their behalf. That was a few years ago though, so possibly might go differently this time.

It just pains me to see my children hurting because of him, but then if I stop contact they will also be hurting but because of a decision Iv made.

It is a hard one- suppose no one else can really answer for me, ultimately I have to decide but just hoped maybe someone in a similar situation might be able to help.

Thanks for commenting though think the gradual easing away from him seems like a good idea, to be honest the kids can sometimes go weeks without seeing him anyway so won't be that much different I don't think.

needadvicequickly Wed 27-Jul-16 21:14:14

No one else? sad

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