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The grizzling and the biting.... help me... please...

(13 Posts)
GoldenPenguin Tue 26-Jul-16 18:47:24

I'm a lone parent but wasn't sure whether to post here or elsewhere. I don't frequent the boards but I'm desperate!

I have 2 issues...

Firstly my son is about to turn 1. He's my first baby and i would say 70% of the time he is whining or grizzling at me. It's been this way most of the time. I took him to the doctors to be sure i wasn't missing something medical. They looked at me like i was barmy and prescribed baby gaviscon. It didnt work. I've just put up with it but it is constant. I check if he's hungry, wet nappy, tired... it doesn't seem to be those. Admittedly when i take hi. Out in the child seat on my cycle he is distracted but I can't cycle around all day! I have to do tidying, washing up and general bits and pieces. Is this normal? Am i missing something obvious?

Secondly, good god, the biting while nursing! I've tried all the suggestions... reacting, not reacting, firmly saying no, short nursing strikes, checking his latch... but nothing helps. He seems to scrape my nipple as he finished feeding and its agony. I don't want to stop breastfeeding. I know it brings him comfortbht the pain is making me feel i need to. Its a sad situation.

The combination of these things genuinely makes me feel like he hates me right now. Grizzling and biting. I'm not enjoying this part of motherhood and it feels like a horrible thing to say as i love my son. I just dont know what to do. Any advice?

CowVersusMouse Tue 26-Jul-16 18:57:23

My first child never bit me and second does all the time, she got teeth earlier so maybe it's teething pain? She definitely does it more just before she gets a new one. How about one of those teething dummies? Or if you think it's something else, there are steps you're supposed to follow like putting him down and saying 'no' gently. It hasn't worked for dc2 but I'm hoping she'll grow out of it. Same age as yours so she's not a danger to other kids yet. This too shall pass?

We have grizzly days too but infrequent, they drive me up the fucking wall so you're doing well dealing with it all the time.

GoldenPenguin Tue 26-Jul-16 19:15:09

Thank god you said that... yes, it drives me bonkers... bashing in my brains seems like a great idea some days. I want to say its teething but i think I'm making excuses for him to be honest. I've tried gels, granules, anvesol, ibuprofen, paracetamol. All that makes me suspect I'm on the wrong path. Maybe this is normal for some babies?! We still have 15 teeth to go so the misery will reach far in to the future!

The biting/scraping is just... ugh. Sadly it is something which calms him before a nap or bed time so without it the bed time and nap routine takes a long time to wind down if we don't nurse. That and it feels like the last nice thing we have to bond us together. The grumpy whining brings me down so much the breastfeeding was the little thing i knew i did with him that he loved. I've tried putting him on the floor and firmly saying "no, do not bite mummy" but he cries so hard and the moment we resume he does it again. One nipple... i have named Frankennipple... is hideously mangled :-(

Coconut0il Tue 26-Jul-16 20:09:12

No advice about the biting apart from a firm no and take him off everytime?

But the grumpiness I can totally relate to. My DS1 was a pretty content little thing, happy most of the time. DS2 cried all the time he wasn't attached to the boob for the first 12 weeks. He cries in the car seat, the pushchair, the highchair. Some days are exhausting. He's almost 1 too and he is getting slightly better. My only advice is to get out as much as you can. Forget the tidying/washing/cleaning. I do the bare minimum. Groups, soft play, parks any where he can crawl are a winner. A walk round Tesco in the trolley is normally ok for a bit. And DP takes him out for at least a couple of hours a week to give me a break.

GoldenPenguin Wed 27-Jul-16 09:36:28

Thank you coconutOil. Its nice to know I'm not the only one! Yesterday we walked in to town with plenty of snacks in case he got grumpy, then went off to tesco, then out on the bicycle to play group and then took his walker to the park so he could push it around and play on swings etc. I feel like i get nothing house related done though! I even bought him a dustpan and brush so he could "help mummy" (aka sit and fiddle while watching me) but no!

Perhaps we just have to wait and hope its a "stage"!

CowVersusMouse Wed 27-Jul-16 18:27:59

It might be a leap like in wonder weeks. Or he might just be a grizzly baby. Have you got anyone to give you a break? Can you get him to watch in the night garden. It's the only thing dc2 will watch. Don't do tasks in the break just chill out. He can watch you do tasks later if he's going to be cross anyway. Does he prefer quiet time or lots of activities or is it hard to tell or depends?

GoldenPenguin Wed 27-Jul-16 19:30:39

Hi CowVersusMouse. I'm fearful i have a grizzly baby! He's very active. Crawling a lot and pushing his walker around at full speed! Tentatively taking the odd few steps unassisted. Sometimes he wants to climb in my lap and i think "aaaaw, he just wants a quiet cuddle with mummy!" But literally seconds later he's grizzling to get down. He seems to want constant stimulation. His favourite things are being out on the bicycle (i have a seat for him infront of me) or when we take his walker to the park and he can run about with it for half an hour!

CowVersusMouse Wed 27-Jul-16 21:13:33

Maybe he'll be happier once he's properly walking? He might like soft play if he's active? Or swimming? Thinking of this for my dc2. Friend had a very very grizzly baby, worse than yours sounds, just cried all the time, he's fine now at 2. Quite highly strung but generally reasonably happy if he's in the right environment.

GoldPlatedBacon Wed 27-Jul-16 21:20:58

This is word for word my (12 month) dd!!! In general only happy when I'm pushing her for fucking miles in her pushchair!

I think with my dd with whinging is a combination of teething and hunger. Everytime I go into the kitchen she thinks she is getting food and I find it incredibly difficult to make her meals as I have her hanging off my leg groaning the entire time. Even just 1 minute reheating a prepared meal is too long for her to wait. It's only today though that it has occurred to me that she might be more of a grazer than a 3 meal a day person (today her whinging only ceased when I gave her food and unusual she downed a beaker of cows milk) so tomorrow I'm going to offer her food every couple of hours and see if that improves the situation.

Do you mind me asking how your DP's sleep is? My dd wakes 3-5 times over night often starting the day at 6. I stopped breastfeeding between 11pm -4.30 am 10 days ago but there's been no improvement in the waking so I was wondering whether reflux may be an issue although she settles very quickly overnight for my DP but not for me. I may somewhat be clutching at straws.

On a side note, the nipple scraping has made me determined now to stop breastfeeding within the next few weeks. Since I stopped the night feed my dd has been more loving during the day, she keeps kissing me which she seldom did before.

GoldenPenguin Thu 28-Jul-16 20:43:33

Hi goldplatedbacon,

My son hates his pushchair! I have to lure him in to it with snacks. Little bugger.

I can relate to the hanging off legs! So glad you said that... just like you i put a meal in the microwave for a minute and the whole. Bloody. Time i have to sing "stop grizzling baby, 28 seconds to go... now 23... now..." and so on. I try to sing over the grizzling just to drown it out a bit sometimes. I try everything. Toys, teething remedies, singing, guitar, tv, music, silly dancing, books, cuddles...

We had hideous sleep issues from birth til about a month ago (i ended up cosleeping a lot due to endlessly getting up) then all of a sudden he began sleeping better. He goes from 6pm to 4.30am BUT he insists that is the time to get up so our day starts at 4.30am! I do see now I'm trying to avoid giving him a boob just how reliant he is on it for comfort. Maybe your dd is the same. Just sees you and thinks "the boobies have arrived!" Hence she settles better for your dp. Maybe it is food too. My son ate three bananas for a snack the other day... i don't even know adults that do that! I was amazed! I thought with his 3 meals and frequent nursing he was ok but now i wonder if i should offer more food too.

Essentially I've just listed a load of "maybes..." for you which is the most frustrating thing in the world! I feel like every other mother knows their baby pretty well by this point and i still feel like I'm guessing 80% of the time!

GoldPlatedBacon Fri 29-Jul-16 08:59:50

Scary how similar they are! Poor you with 4.30, we had a phase for months when she was waking at 5 which is a killer.

I think food is definitely part of the issue. On Wednesday she had 5oz of cows milk at 3 pm but by 4 pm she was really groaning again so I gave her dinner early. At 5.30 she was groaning again so I gave her Greek Yoghurt with chia seeds (I know!), she ate about 200g. She went to bed at 6.30 pm and slept through until 2 am which is the longest she's slept since she was about 4/5 months. However, she woke 3 times between 2-3.30 am so I ended up breastfeeding her but she then slept until 6.30 am which is unusual for her as she has a habit of waking every hourish from 3.30.

Yesterday we were out of the house most of the day so she was happy (re pp, Dd is much happier if we go to softplay /rhyme time etc, even just sitting in Costa for a half an hour cheers her up). I gave her cows milk again at 2pm with some fruit , dinner at 4, porridge at 5.30 plus a breastfeed at 6.15. Bed at 6.30 and she slept until 3.45. I breastfed her again and she slept until 6.30.

It is a little annoying though as she leaves a lot of food that I give her at meals and it felt like I was constantly feeding her yesterday afternoon.

Coconut0il Fri 29-Jul-16 21:13:17

I've just given up with household jobs, just about do the washing and DP always does the washing up so we have clean clothes and plates but that's about it.

I'm having a couple of hours tomorrow to clean. DP is taking DS2 round to family, there is no way to do anything while he's here!

I think being out on the bike or whizzing around the park with the walker sounds fun!! I'm going to take DS2's next time we go... maybe he might smile! grin

Fomalhaut Fri 29-Jul-16 21:20:26

For the biting. It's at the end of a feed? Watch him closely when he feeds. When he goes from deep slurping to smaller 'almost done' sucks be ready... Get to know when he's about to finish. Then pull him closer in they physically find it hard to bite when closer to the boob. So pull him closer then pop your finger in his mouth and take him off

Mine knows he shouldn't bite but when he's teeth I can see he really needs to so when we feed I have his bity ring thingy. If I see he's about to bite I take him off and say 'do you need to bite? We don't bite boobs, you can bite this.'

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