50/50 childcare driving us insane

[helenbryce]

Hi.
my husband and I have a lovely 18 month old daughter. We both work in healthcare (he's a nurse I am a carer/senior carer) when my paid maternity leave finished I went back to work with the idea I would would work 1 (12hr) day a week whilst my husband worked 'full time' and had her on the day i worked. For obvious reasons daycare is not an option when you need to be att work from 7.45am till 8.15pm! We thought I maybe would do two shifts some weeks or maybe more during school holidays when my mother could help (she's a teacher) to keep the money up. 11 months on I am working at least 2 12hr shifts a week but mostly 3. This means that my husband and I are almost never off together, and as both of us work 12hr shifts we don't even have 'evening' time together. We have done 19days in a row before having a day off together! I think this is starting to cause issues with our relationship and our daughter. We are lucky as out daughter has a very relaxed (mostly!!) temperament and adjusts well. But there are little things that are starting to get bigger. My husband allows her to do things that I don't (eg go into our room and jump on the bed, play in the kitchen, bathroom- I should point out we have a REALLY SMALL flat) or go out without wearing reins, or pull all the books off the shelves, so I always seem to be the horrid mummy who stops her doing these things. When I have her I also do washing, tidying, cooking, etc etc where as my husband doesn't, although I spoke to him and he is starting to change. I feel like I can't ask him to do things differently as he has her as much as me. I have also just been diagnosed with folic acid deficiency which causes weakness, tiredness, muscle spasms and pain along with other things. I can't afford to be signed off, my husband tells me to reduce my hours (I am a bank worker) but in the next sentence will tell me we can't afford for me to work less. I don't know any other mothers (with kids my age) who work at all, let alone basically full time! My husband and I argue constantly, and i just don't know what to do. If I say our daughter has been a madam or whatever that day his response is that she is always fine for him and I obviously cannot manage...

[helenbryce]

Talk Parenting
50/50 childcare driving us insane1
Today 19:31 helenbryce

Hi.
my husband and I have a lovely 18 month old daughter. We both work in healthcare (he's a nurse I am a carer/senior carer) when my paid maternity leave finished I went back to work with the idea I would would work 1 (12hr) day a week whilst my husband worked 'full time' and had her on the day i worked. For obvious reasons daycare is not an option when you need to be att work from 7.45am till 8.15pm! We thought I maybe would do two shifts some weeks or maybe more during school holidays when my mother could help (she's a teacher) to keep the money up. 11 months on I am working at least 2 12hr shifts a week but mostly 3. This means that my husband and I are almost never off together, and as both of us work 12hr shifts we don't even have 'evening' time together. We have done 19days in a row before having a day off together! I think this is starting to cause issues with our relationship and our daughter. We are lucky as out daughter has a very relaxed (mostly!!) temperament and adjusts well. But there are little things that are starting to get bigger. My husband allows her to do things that I don't (eg go into our room and jump on the bed, play in the kitchen, bathroom- I should point out we have a REALLY SMALL flat) or go out without wearing reins, or pull all the books off the shelves, so I always seem to be the horrid mummy who stops her doing these things. When I have her I also do washing, tidying, cooking, etc etc where as my husband doesn't, although I spoke to him and he is starting to change. I feel like I can't ask him to do things differently as he has her as much as me. I have also just been diagnosed with folic acid deficiency which causes weakness, tiredness, muscle spasms and pain along with other things. I can't afford to be signed off, my husband tells me to reduce my hours (I am a bank worker) but in the next sentence will tell me we can't afford for me to work less. I don't know any other mothers (with kids my age) who work at all, let alone basically full time! My husband and I argue constantly, and i just don't know what to do. If I say our daughter has been a madam or whatever that day his response is that she is always fine for him and I obviously cannot manage..