Is 'me time' ok?(12 Posts)
Ok so I'll set the scene first, I am a first time mum of a 9 month old, my partner works away Monday - Friday, all my family live 180 miles away and have very few friends due to moving to a new area.
Since the birth of my child I have found it really difficult to get any 'me time'. Generally when my partner is home on the weekend we do house or family things or visit his friends/family.
I also find myself getting regularly upset and lonely as the only socialising I do is when I'm at work or during mother/baby groups with my son.
Then I find I feel guilty and selfish for sometimes wanting time away from my family and to myself... Am I a bad person/partner/mother for wanting time away?
I know when you become a parent your life changes and it's not just about you anymore but surely it's ok to want more than to 'just' be a mum?
It took me a long time to realise that me time or time away was not only OK, but essential. I still don't get nearly enough and my first child is nearly five. I find myself staying up late after everyone else is asleep just for the silence
But please don't feel guilty. This guilt is intrinsic to being a mother, but you deserve a break sometimes, especially as you're on your own Mon-Fri. I would struggle SO MUCH with that, so you're doing amazingly.
Not only is it ok, it's bloody essential!
Take yourself off with a book, or the radio and sit in the bath for an hour or two of an evening.
I was also in a similar situation regards to friends, but I organised a night out with my 'mum friends'. First time, I was really scared no one would want to come out, but it was awesome! Lots of people turned up (well, like 6 of us!) and it was great to just sit around, having a drink and talk about normal stuff for a bit - yes, kid talk came up, but we also talked about jobs, holidays, politics etc. I realised then, that everyone is in the same boat, and we all want to let our hair down sometimes. It just takes someone to be brave, and take the leap!
Lastly, get your DP to take your DC out for the day, or even go away for the weekend! It will give your DP and DC time together alone, which they will love, and you will truly get some time out.
Definitely essential. I don't need it everyday but if I haven't had any time to myself in a few days I feel irritable and emotional. DP is very good at noticing though and will take DS2, 11 months, out for a bit. Half the time I'm not even doing any thing exciting but I feel much better for the break.
I work with a charity near me who works with people who have literally nothing - cardboard boxes for the children to play with and very thin mothers with nothing in the breadbin (bloody heartbreaking)
Every year they try hard to arrange a day away for the mothers to get away and have a spa day just so they can relax and be responsibility free. Most of the charity's money goes towards food and nappies, but they consider time away this important.
Personally I'd go nuts without a bit of time to myself. I'm a much better mother for it.
I learned that the hard way when I burnt out and nearly had a break down.
You need you time, set aside a time each day. When baby is in bed maybe? Have a hot bubble bath, read a trashy mag, chill out naked doing handstands, whatever makes you feel good.
I get mine but getting up early every morning as I can't do late nights. Coffee with the news on whilst pottering around is my favourite part of the day.
Oh, me-time is essential!
I check myself into a hotel every couple of months to catch up with me, and at least once a week I need an afternoon to myself. Every few days I pull rank on Daddy-TV and Daughter-TV and demand an hour or two of my shows (Project Runway; girly films; Mom - depends how much time I have!) uninterrupted.
Totally agree with you am i'm in a similar position my family live other side of country. I feel isolated during week although I work 3 days a week. My colleagues are not that social either and I find it intensive going from mum to work and back to mum again. I also have mega injuries from 2 c-sections and post natal conditions so often down to one arm. Most of time I'm bloody strong but some times I have to cry .
My coping technique - I realised local child care groups are hard to break through especially if you are not feeling confident or a little down as other mums seem to have grown up in their communities and already formed close friendships since childhood. I have found the wildlife trust an amazing organisation. They got v cheap activities which get parents up and doing things so everyone has to interact with their kids and each other while learning all about nature (pond dipping, bat hunting, bug hunting, den building, cupcakes, bird ringing, sea safaris etc)
As for me time, its mission impossible but I sneak 2-3 hrs a week at evening and taught myself to wood carve. 1 Victorian rocking horse later I have my women cave/workshop, its my heaven although I don't get to use it much its my space. my kids love my horse too and I have a new hobby!
Not at all! As everyone else has said, it's essential. A happy mum is a happy baby, regardless of what the critics might say. My first baby is 8 months old and my 'me-time' includes:
- reading in bed on my own after bubs has gone to sleep (my partner has 'me-time' in the living room playing games while this is happening).
- going out for a meal with friends one evening a month, baby-free.
- having 24-30 hours away from baby and partner once every 2 months at a friends house having a cocktails and board-games night. This one helps me feel like I haven't completely left my old life behind, and my friends say it helps them feel more a part of my new life.
Me-time is not only good for you, but it's good for your baby to spend some quality time with their father/grandparent, but if you can get the dad to look after bubs, then his time spent just him and his baby is SO important; it's something many guys just don't get and it stops them feeling involved. I feel it's very important for my partner to spend time with his baby, so he not only knows HOW to look after her, but so he can appreciate what I have to do.
Never feel guilty about remembering that you are a person with wants and needs too x
If anybody says you're being unreasonable, they're mad!
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