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DD seems to really dislike her sister :-(

(5 Posts)
Upplaaah Thu 21-Jul-16 22:44:07

DD1 is almost 4.5yrs, DD2 is nearly 1.5. DD1 shows no interest in DD2, in fact she's started to be quite mean to her (stepped on her hand yesterday...), often asks if DD2 can be taken to grandparents / childminder / put to bed etc. Basically she would be happier if she wasn't around.

When I was pregnant DD1 was moderately interested, she came to visit at hospital and was again quite interested, it is pretty much the only time she has ever hugged / held her little sister.

Since then she's showed pretty much zero interest. Every now and then (maybe once a month) she will attempt to include her in a game (mainly if her friends are over and like to play with DD2 as she's cute). Other than that she ignores her or sometimes screams / cries if she comes close to her.

DD2 is not (in my opinion...) annoying really. She is an easy going baby really who already has a sense of humour. I can't see why DD1 takes no interest in her but I think it can only be jealousy but at the moment it genuinley seems as if DD1 wishes she was an only child!

In general DD1 seems to form very good relationships with adults and older children but less so with her own age group, she often tells me she has playes alone at school. She is (according to teachers) very popular however it seems she keeps people at arms length. This probably isn't relevant but just in case though I would mention.

I was wondering is a.) anyone is in the same situation b.) anyone has any recommended reads on the subject or c.) any tips to help DD1 to like her sister more.

I have ignored this for a long long time and really tried to ensure DD1 feels happy and gets a lot of attention but now I am starting to feel quite sorry for DD2 who just wants her sister to talk to her / smile / interact in some way and gets nothing back!

Andro Thu 21-Jul-16 23:55:42

Siblings without rivalry is a good book.

Beyond that, you can't make her like your dd2, if you try and force the relationship you will only add resentment to whatever she is currently feeling. You made the choice to have a second child, your dd1 didn't choose to have a sibling and may will wish she had remained an only child!

Not all siblings like each other and some people are just not social, that needs to be respected. All you can really do is make sure that physically harmful behaviours are dealt with (along with mean language etc)...and hope that their relationship changes as they grow up.

Dovetale Thu 21-Jul-16 23:56:18

There's a book called Siblings Without Rivalry which I have just read and thought was good. Might be worth a read.

Andro Thu 21-Jul-16 23:59:58

One more thing, have you asked dd1 how she feels about her sister? The answer might give you a starting point.

My 2 have no common interests, they have a strange but close (in a way) relationship because they have been allowed to work it out within the boundaries of house rules.

Msqueen33 Fri 22-Jul-16 00:05:58

I've got three girls 7,6,3. My middle child as autism so slightly different but she disliked her younger sibling the moment we brought her back home. She's very close to her older sibling although they do bicker. But she doesn't especially like her younger sister (could be the asd). The books above are good but give it time. Your eldest might find her quite boring as she's still little.

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