Poisonous people

(6 Posts)
Christine88 Thu 21-Jul-16 20:41:04

My mum and dad aren't involved in my life, they've never been particularly good parents and since having my 2 sons they haven't bothered to know or see them regularly. My mum doesn't work and lives 5 minutes from me and still doesn't see us. She told me it's easier for me to go to hers when I have 2 children and work and she doesn't do anything! She was horrible to me all through my pregnancy, called me all sorts of horrible names and writes all over fb what terrible kids we are (2sisters also don't talk to them)
I almost feel guilty for denying them access to my children but feel that they bring me down and stress me out so surely they're better out of my life regardless of their relation to me!

PeppermintPatty10 Thu 21-Jul-16 23:11:40

Oh god, what a difficult situation. It's not like you can make the location excuse for not seeing them, when they are so close by! My husband is very much of the opinion that you don't choose your family, and if they don't treat you well, then cut them out of your life. His family have done this with several of their siblings, and are much happier for it.
I have slightly more moderate views, but wanted to give you this (extreme) viewpoint.
I guess the one thing that I would think about is not being negative about the grandparents to your children - they might blame themselves for not being 'worthy' of visits and attention.
What do you think??

Christine88 Fri 22-Jul-16 04:34:56

My sister has a 9 year old and when he was born I was still living at home and he was the first grandchild so my sister used to bring him round to visit a lot, he got quite close to my mum then when he was about 4 and I'd moved out and my sister realised my mum made no effort at all, never visited, never offered to help out or baby sit etc etc my nephew was heartbroken and asked my sister why nanny didn't like him anymore! So my sister started putting in more effort to visit my mum for my nephews sake. My mum refused to shut her horrible dogs away, was smoking in the house still and acted as if she wanted rid of visitors as soon as possible. My nephew no longer asks after my mum but it was really sad to watch him so upset!
My sons are 2 and a half and 5 weeks she's never met the baby and hasn't seen my ds1 in about a year.
I think it's cruel to let them have a relationship with them to be let down in the future!

SeaEagleFeather Fri 22-Jul-16 08:56:56

I think it's cruel to have a relationship with them then to drop them too.

about writes all over fb what terrible kids we are 2sisters also don't talk to them

There's something I read from the late 1800's, it's a bit old fashioned but hey it was true then, it's true now:

The parents who demand most from you are usually the one's who've done least to earn that love and effort. Where adult children neglect their duty to their parents it's usually because the parents have been lacking towards their children.

If your mother is complaining that all 3 of you are bad daughters - well. That's not once, that's not twice, that's three of you who don'\t want much to do with her. The common factor is her.

2015mom Fri 22-Jul-16 18:39:41

Gosh I know it's hard but the less you see your parents the less stressed you will be dealing with less bullshit ... That's awful your mom puts horrible things on facebook of you...

U should stop going round

Christine88 Fri 22-Jul-16 22:36:07

I think since having my sons I've realised what I don't want for my children and how we shouldn't have had the upbringing we had and the way we're getting treated is unacceptable!
I just want to live my life which I'm really enjoying with my boys and my partner and not have to deal with negative people who bring me down, wether that's my parents or a friend or anyone really!

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