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Toddler shows marked preference for DH - so stressful.

(4 Posts)
NinaNeener Tue 19-Jul-16 19:08:31

Hes 18 months and its been going on a while.

Obsessed with Daddy. Daddy finds it pretty horrendous as he cant even go to the loo without hysterics, nor can he sit in a chair without DS barrelling over and flinging himself at his crotch. He is pestered. Sometimes he feels so claustrophobic.

Its not even a case of DH being the "novelty" parent as we both work only part time hours and are vboth always at home and co parent 50/50.

So he just prefers DH. sad

DS likes me fine - Im calm and cuddly and easy to be around so whats not to like? But I dont know how much he needs or loves me.

Doesnt help that despite being pretty verbal he has never learnt Mummy and he doesnt kiss. Hes a fun child but really only cuddles me when I bring him for his nap. I store those moments in my heart like a saddo cos thats all Im getting.

DH feels sorry for me. Sometimes when Ive been upstairs and I come downstairs he says "He was going mad looking for you". But bless him, either hes just saying it to bolster me or hes seeing what he wants to see as DS has no gesture or word for me, so how could you tell he wasnt just moaning in general as toddlers do? And certainly DS doesnt seem to look for me when Im on the same floor, so...yeah.

He says "you're a great mum". But I know Im a good Mum. Im made that way. Its my pleasure and my duty. I still dont think my child would notice if I ceased to exist tbh.

And DH is a GREAT Dad. There is nothing hes too proud or lazy to do. Hes like a second Mum. So I suspect DS just doesnt need me.

Ironically DH finds the clinginess really really stressful. He would do anything to redress the balance. He feels he cant breathe with all the attention, hes touched out.

Anyway, theres nothing to be done, is there? We just have to grit our teeth and get through it.

Just needed a moan tonight as this evening DS may as well have been wearing a bloody sign saying "Mummy Who??" and DH has developed a stress migraine.

Blankiefan Tue 19-Jul-16 20:12:17

Our DD is nearly 3 and she ping pings between me and DH as the favourite. It probably goes in 6 month chunks, I'd say. I'm currently The Chosen One but we're definitely in transition back to it being DH's turn.

Like you, we both work the same amount of time (both ft in our case) and 50/50 the rest of the time.

We've learnt to enjoy the nice bits about being the flavour of the moment - and also to enjoy the freedom of not being in favour! To be fair, whilst dd has a preference at any point, she is pretty flexible and will take whichever one of us she can get if needs be!

When all of this first started, DH was the first favourite and there were times I tried too hard to "win" her over. It always had the opposite affect (too needy??!!). When in more chilled out about it, she comes looking for me.

tinymeteor Tue 19-Jul-16 20:38:05

DD does this - if I'm around her dad gets the brush off. If I'm not there's he's her next favourite person in the world. If we're both out, she is super cuddly with grandparents - when we get home, she'll cold shoulder them to express a preference for us. The little shit darling.

You mention you're both at home most of the time? Might be worth finding an opportunity for you to solo it for a couple of days, and give your DH a breather.

Ihatechoosingnames Tue 19-Jul-16 20:39:35

It's normal. Don't take it personally. Most children do this.

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