Alone with two kids

[Myrias358]

Hi everyone really new to this and not sure if this will even post but I'll try....
Basically my life has shattered into tiny pieces tonight. My partner and I had a huge row and he basically told me how he felt about everything! I have two kids s ten year old and a four year old but the oldest kid isn't my partners... For the past few months I started to notice how much differently he treated them. Deep down I knew he loved his biological daughter more than his step daughter but it was never an issue as he never treated them differently but lately he has been very nasty to my oldest and anything she did he was going off his head she is ten and ten year olds aren't perfect but in general she is a lovely girl. I tried talking to him about it as she told me that he was making her dad the way he was acting but it would've ok for few days then back to square one so basically tonight we had a major row and I told him my children come first and I couldn't take much more of it, so he started shouting all sorts and matched straight into her room and said you have caused all this I hate you and your mum And I never want to speak to both of you again! I've never loved you and that is my daughter right there not you! My little four year old was screaming because she is such s daddy's girl as I told him to get out.!I was squealing for what he said to my ten year old and so was she. I am absolutely devastated by his comments I know it's truly over I can never be with a man who insults my children so much. We have been together 9 years I thought he loved her like his own. I'm not crying in bed after just getting the little one settled thinking what am I going to do? any advice would be appreciated as I am so ashamed to tell any my friends or family about the reasons of our separation. Thanks in advance xxx

[Daisyandbabies]

That's so sad, I really feel for your daughter. You are right though, you can't carry on a relationship with him now he's said that to her as she will always remember that.
Of course he loves his own daughter more, I think that would be normal for the vast majority of people...it's a sad truth but I could never love anyone with the strength that I love my own kids. HOWEVER, it's his job as a step father and a decent human being to never make that obvious and never in a million years say something like that to such a little girl.
At times like this you owe it to your daughter to show her how much she's worth by being strong for her and showing her how important she is to you. He should be the one ashamed of what family and friends think, not you

[junebirthdaygirl]

Oh that is dreadful. Please please reassure your dd that she is not the cause of this. Take some time to let things calm down before deciding on access for your little dd. It will be a double blow for your older dd when that happens. I think you may need to get some professional help like a family therapist for the 3 of ye after those horrible devastating words tonight. Does your dd see her own dad. Maybe he could reassure her of how precious she is to him if ye have a relationship where you can count on him. Its a very difficult situation for you to go through. Don't engage with your dp today. Take time to yourself.

[Myrias358]

Thank you so much for commenting I have been up all night thinking about everything, I am going to get family to watch my kids for a bit and pack up all his stuff. My devastation has turned to absolute rage threw the night! I cannot believe what he said and it's like a tape recorder going on and on in my mind. I haven't mentioned anything to the kids this morning I just got up and carried on as normal. I know I'm going to have to talk to them about things but I can't find it in my heart to do so at this point in time. I know I have lots to deal with but I am going to be strong for their sake xx

[Coconut0il]

You're doing the right thing OP. How spiteful of him to say those things to your DD.

Wish I had some advice but just wish you the best. Your DD's are lucky to have you.

[Myrias358]

Thank you coconut, today had been really awful but I got up got dressed carried on as normal but the dreaded question came from my four year old earlier on... Where's daddy? I explained that he was staying at grans house but she will still see him whenever she wants to. She cried and I cried with her, didn't want to but I'm truly heart broken for her she is a daddy's girl but I know four year olds adapt well in any situation that comes to them so I know she will be ok... On the other hand my ten year old said good when I told them where he was...I can't blame her I will never forgive him
Either for the words he spoke last night but I am going to be strong and I have a few weeks off for which I'm
So thankful for so me and the girls are going to the beach tomorrow and hopefully we will have a lovely time :) xxx

[Coconut0il]

Have a lovely time, must be so, so difficult but I would feel the same. My instinct would be to protect my 10 year old from anything like that happening again. Just keep reassuring the 4 year old as best you can

[Myrias358]

Yes it is, she is my main concern at the moment, the 4 year old is only dealing with her father not being there but on the other hand my other girl is dealing with resentment and a feeling of being unloved :( she knows that I love her and I'm here for her no matter what and that's what counts, she is going to be fine and I'll make
Sure of that xx

[puglife15]

What an awful thing to say, what a nasty shit. Your DD will need a lot of help building her self esteem if she saw him as a father figure. Good luck and I'm sorry he turned out to be so cruel.

[Myrias358]

Thank you puglife.... I know he has been there since she was one and to say something awful like that is just completely awful, tbh she has took it on the chin she is out back with her friends playing and usually I would have them in and bathed at 8 but sod it. It's a beautiful night and it's putting a smile on her face having friends over so I'm just happy she seems ok. I feel relieved that he is gone right now. I know I've got hard times ahead but right now I feel at peace considering all that has been said and done xx