Does anyone else not like their own kids?

(19 Posts)
uhoh2016 Sun 10-Jul-16 18:58:16

Ds 1 and 2 are 9 and 6, I can't bare to be around them at the moment id gladly pack their bags for someone else to take them from me. I'm worn down and fed up of the daily usual shite.
They can't do ANYTHING at all they're asked to even the most simplest of requests are either ignored or just answered within a straight no, every God dam single thing has to be escalated to me screaming and shouting before they'll bloody move. It's not like I give them massive chores to do or anything it's literally as simple as getting dressed, brushing teeth or taking a plate away nothing that shouldn't be expected of them.
Meals are another issue even if I ask what they want for tea I can guarantee 1 or both will say I'm not eating it so it all ends up in the bin. Ds2 has refused 3 meals put in front of him today and is now asking for food, I've said no but now feel guilty that he's hungry.
I've been on anti depressants for about a year. I don't think I'm depressed I'm just fed up with the constant crap day in day out and genuinely wish I'd never ever had children .
Anyone fancy taking on 2 horrible boys?

fieldfare Sun 10-Jul-16 19:10:37

Have a family meeting. Sit down and explain that while you love them, you don't like the way they are choosing to behave. It's rude and disrespectful to you and doesn't make you want to have any fun with them.
There are things that they must do such as brushing teeth, getting dressed etc and they can't have rewards, such as watching tv, playing on games consoles etc until they're done.
Regarding food, obviously don't make anything you know they hate, but otherwise they eat what's put in front of them or they go hungry til the next meal.
Take no shit.

LiveLifeWithPassion Sun 10-Jul-16 19:17:50

I agree with Fieldfare.
Let them know that you're on their side and the reason you have rules and expectations is so that family life can be happy and they grow up and live good lives.
Let them know that you're all a team and need to work together.

How much screen time do they have? I had to ban screens for a while as my kids behaviour was atrocious with constant meltdowns.
They're so much better now.

Also make sure they get plenty of time outdoors. Get them out even if they moan about it beforehand. 9 times out of 10, they have a brilliant time.

DrLockhart Sun 10-Jul-16 19:53:24

After today, I don't like my DD much either. She's screamed, shouted and hit me. I now feel like worse mother ever as I've smacked her bum. DH thinks I'm horrible and I snapped and shouldn't have lost control. She's 5 FFs I should be able to keep my shit together for her 😥😥😥

Sounds like with the ages of yours, a family meeting will work. We did this with DD earlier in the year and it worked for a while, so perhaps I need to take my own advice and do another.

Sorry to moan on your thread, feel free to judge me, I'm judging myself and it's tearing me up.

callherwillow Sun 10-Jul-16 19:55:35

Don't, Dr

Children can be horrible little beasts. You smacked a well padded area of her body probably covered in clothing.

I am not condoning smacking but MOST parents have on two or three occasions done exactly that and honestly in the context of your whole relationship it's normal and does not matter flowers

bingisthebest Sun 10-Jul-16 20:02:41

I have just read your thread out to my dh as we've been both feeling like this a lot at the moment.
It was a very hard day today and I actually thought to myself 'I wish I hadn't had 3 children. But then I thought they didn't ask you be born so I have to do my best by them.
I'm trying to be patient as I can to give them a good role model because so much behaviour comes from this. I'm trying to be patient and kind to help them become decent people. Some really useful threads on the behaviour board on the parenting threads.
I know how you feel but be kind to yrsrelf and don't give up on them.
I think here me and my dh need some help with a little break. So maybe you could have time out too. I know how hard it is though b

noeuf Sun 10-Jul-16 20:08:49

Ditch the meal time hassle straight away - much easier to just decide on the weeks meals and serve them up. Mine now eat spaghetti bol, jkt potatoes, toad in the hole etc because they haven't been able to stick to their favourites.
I realised I needed to decide what to get cross about, what to care about, and what to let them find out about. So ds has now had detentions and been put on report for not completing homework. I get cross about not cleaning teeth and faces - no fun till then. I don't care about reading late in bed. I do care that all devices are off by 9 and charging only.
I don't care to get into a slanting match so now I just do the broken record thing. I'm sorry you don't like it, but that's how it is in my house (taking plates through/ no food upstairs etc) they aren't capable of contributing equally to a discussion so I limit their choices to some or none.

DrLockhart Sun 10-Jul-16 20:14:32

Thanks callherwillow you made me cry with your words. She calmed down straight after it happened and I said sorry to her and she said sorry to me. But it doesn't feel right. This has happened before and I vowed then I would be a parent who smacked. I even walked off because of the screaming and shouting, to calm down, and she followed me and hit me. I'm making excuses.

callherwillow Sun 10-Jul-16 20:22:00

You're not. I don't think you did anything wrong to be honest. Ok, there may well have been better ways of dealing with her behaviour but you did deal with it - you apologised, you modelled lovely behaviour to her there.

So your DD knows;

You can't just behave as you wish, there are consequences.
People will lose their rag if you push them too far.
If you are pushed too far it's okay to admit it and apologise.

Sounds like pretty good parenting to me flowers

DrLockhart Sun 10-Jul-16 20:36:27

😥 thank you again

uhoh2016 Sun 10-Jul-16 20:52:49

I've also smacked my 2 today although it really was more of a tap than slap across the legs. Ds1 continued to not be arsed in the slightest and his attitude and back chat increased tenfold. Ds2 did come and apologize later for his behaviour we had a kiss n cuddle about things yet within an hour it's same again.
Meal times are just fucking infuriating I try to ask what they want to avoid this drama yet I still have the same carry on. How can a child eat and enjoy something 1 day yet refuses to eat it a few days later other than being annoying spoiled little fuckers! I had a few hours today where I just completely ignored them literally didn't have the mental strength to hold any type of conversation with them.
I want to run away and never ever come back.

Yika Sun 10-Jul-16 20:56:50

Sounds like you need a break, any way to get their dad or someone else to take them for a week while you get away?

I would also go mental without any time off. Parenting is a tough job and one that you need a holiday from sometimes.

flowers

uhoh2016 Sun 10-Jul-16 21:04:04

I had a break from them a couple weeks ago me now dh went away for a few days dc stopped with GP. I ashamed to admit I did not miss them 1 bit.

TheWildOnes Mon 11-Jul-16 07:55:08

I know how you feel op, my DC are 1, 8 and 12.
The 1 year old is such hard work, always has been an unsettled baby, always miserable, doesn't just cry but screams until my ears ring. Some days I feel like running away. Haven't had a full night sleep in about 18 months.
The 8 year old is an awful eater and undergoing appointments for asd etc. I get about 4 hours "off" a week and this is spent getting on top of housework. DH has a long commute and lots of hours work so can only do so much.
We went through a lot to finally get dc3 and I feel awful for sometimes wondering why we bothered.

uhoh2016 Mon 11-Jul-16 09:26:28

thewild you could be me! I also have ds3 who's 16m. He's been a fairly easy baby and has always slept well thank God but he's also learned "the scream" too.

TheWildOnes Mon 11-Jul-16 09:33:26

Ugh2016 the scream is awful, I find myself wishing the weeks and months of babyhood away. This will be our final baby and I hate that I haven't been able to enjoy it.
At least you know you aren't alone in the way you are feeling now OP (not that that will make you feel any better). grin
DD is 13 next week, so we have the hormonal fun of her as well!

ApocalypseNowt Mon 11-Jul-16 09:34:07

OP - with mealtimes (as yours don't sound like they have any additional needs) plans your weeks meals including some things you know they like/have eaten previously. Make those, serve them up and they get eaten or not. You don't have to enter into any discussions because meals have been decided ahead of time and whether they eat it is up to them. Get rid of any treats/biscuits so they can't grab them instead.

Family meeting is a good idea too as a pp suggested.

How do they respond to your dh?

GloriousSlug Mon 11-Jul-16 18:42:13

Me me me!! The eldest is about to start secondary school and is being a fucking nightmare. Everything is such a huge struggle, he is joyless at the moment.

I have felt down for years and finally got a script for sertraline the other week but I think I just hate my life, not necessarily because I'm depressed!

I'm trying so hard to stay chirpy and make allowances for the fact that he's probably quite anxious about going to high school but I spend most of my time wanting to wring his neck.

I feel your pain re. meal times, I spent several hours making a meal yesterday (a new twist on something we eat all the time) and both kids behaved as though I had presented them with a plate of cold vomit. I could've cried.

uhoh2016 Mon 11-Jul-16 19:19:40

They don't give dh as much grief as me but to be fair he's hardly ever here he's out at 5.30am and rarely back until 6pm so he misses out on the getting ready for school and meal time struggles. He does back me up though all the time he doesn't stand for them talking to me like crap etc but often it's way after the event.

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