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Is it just my husband ??

(56 Posts)
mummylove2monsters Sun 10-Jul-16 12:19:55

Ok I know toddlers can regress a bit when a new baby arrives but has anyone's husband ?
We've just had baby no 4 she is 7 nearly 8 weeks old now - each time my husband goes through this childish, moody attention seeking thing -
This time ( following a bleed on my brain ) I had an emergency section - my husband has been ridiculous- he's moody , won't even make the bed behind himself, empty his bath water , putt Tea bag in the bin etc he is angry I havnt made time for sex confused
Last night at dinner my 2 yr old started crying / husband threw his fork down , got changed and took himself out for dinner - we havnt spoken since !! He said the house is too disorganised ( he does nothing to help)
I got myself driving after 2 weeks because he gave the kids the day off because he couldn't get up for the school run angry
I'm doing all the cooking/ cleaning and I don't mind but ffs - what is his problem - is it an attention thing - is he like a toddler ?? Anyone else had this problem with an overgrown baby ??

mrsmugoo Sun 10-Jul-16 12:23:08

And you've had four children with this man?

mummylove2monsters Sun 10-Jul-16 12:26:43

Lol yes - I know , I geuss when he's nice he's nice but blimey this time round takes the piss ( having been so I'll I thought he might be a bit more helpful ) ?!

KittyLaRoux Sun 10-Jul-16 12:27:59

He is an arse. Why would you want to be with such a manchild?

He doesnt care for you or the children and you would find life easier without him.
Tell him to strp up or piss off hou all deserve better.

franke Sun 10-Jul-16 12:28:21

Have you talked to him about it? This really isn't ok.

mummylove2monsters Sun 10-Jul-16 12:34:15

Yes he just tells me to get off his case !
He says he wants peace
He goes fishing for weekends, the pub with his mates - he's booking a fishing holiday to Florida !!! We've been together 15 and never taken our children abroad !! - I can't believe he's actually going to do it !!!

confusedandemployed Sun 10-Jul-16 12:45:32

Wow he sounds really attractive. You lucky girl.

mummylove2monsters Sun 10-Jul-16 12:48:39

Do men go a bit like this though ? When a baby arrives or am I really the only one ?

KittensandKnitting Sun 10-Jul-16 12:51:39

You live with five children I am afraid I sadly don't see any men in the situation you describe.

confusedandemployed Sun 10-Jul-16 12:57:30

No, men don't go like this. Only arseholes.

BathshebaDarkstone Sun 10-Jul-16 13:08:30

Mine just didn't get that I wasn't being lazy lying on the sofa drinking milk and water, I was knackered at 42 weeks, drinking water because I was thirsty and milk to put on weight (DS2 took all the calories).He also thought I'd have time for a shower before I left for hospital, despite 3 mega quick births, 1 in an ambulance. hmm

EmzDisco Sun 10-Jul-16 13:14:02

Only had 1 baby with my DP but if he acted like yours no way would I consider ever having another. Sounds horrific. When things are hard a good partner pulls their weight, supports you, looks after you and their children. Not adds to the difficulties.

I had an emergency c-section, DP cooked and cleaned and let me rest and stayed up with me when baby wouldn't sleep and BFing was hard. He would be confused by anyone thinking anything else was either normal or acceptable. As would I. Your DH should be ashamed of himself.

KittyLaRoux Sun 10-Jul-16 13:14:50

No they dont.

Exdh was great. Very hands on and put the needs if the family first.
He did suffer a bit of resentment when ds1 came along as he was no linger tbe focus of my attention but he soon got over it and saw it was his problem.

Primaryteach87 Sun 10-Jul-16 13:18:38

Er.. On your own their love. Sounds awful! My DH has always picked up all household stuff and day to day parenting of our toddler when new baby was born, at least when he wasn't at work - evenings & weekends. I think that's normal...

To be honest your husband sounds a bit shite.

foolonthehill Sun 10-Jul-16 13:24:46

I have a friend with 2 DC ages 4 and 2 now.

Ist DC he had a full on nervous breakdown...work stress? Got better, very hands on dad from age 1, super at doing nights etc. Put it all in the past.

DC2 same thing. Left work, stopped caring for himself, totally useless to support wife. Around 9-10 months on...got new job, started doing stuff again, now super hands on involved and functioning husband and father.

He now does all cooking and shopping, works, takes DCs to childcare, does night wakings etc.

They will not be having any more DC...because he for some reason can't cope and his wife was near to breaking point last time (even though they have a large and supportive and local family)

I don''t know the answer to your ? because I don't know whether, like my friend your DH is super the rest of the time or if he's just slightly less selfish which you accept and work round.

My ExH on the other hand was selfish to the core and just got progressively worse as time went on with each child....which sounds more like yours if he's so disengaged from family life.

Tell me that it is better when he goes away...go on...I bet it is!

BowiesJumper Sun 10-Jul-16 13:25:31

There's no "lol" about this, and no men do NOT do this. I'm flabbergasted that you might think this is normal or that people would put up with this. If my husband had done this after one baby he'd be put on his ear.

Idontknowwhoiam Sun 10-Jul-16 13:29:53

My husband didn't he really helped when I couldn't. Went back to normal once I was back to normal after my section.
Sometimes it feels like I've got am extra child but he steps up when it really counts.

mummylove2monsters Sun 10-Jul-16 13:41:24

Foolonthehill -- YES when he's away everything is easier - like right this moment he is downstairs watching the superbikes - I am helping kids with thier rooms , cooking Sunday dinner with baby strapped to my boob - if I put her down she cries and the atmosphere turns bad as he turns the bikes up so he can hear ( why he needs to hear the engines I do not know )
When he's away the house runs smoothly and stays fairly clean lol xxxx

mummylove2monsters Sun 10-Jul-16 13:43:37

Also he is a bit better when babies are older but he did go like this after I had my bleed on my brain - or around my birthday- or when my dad died like basically when it's not all about him 😡

motherinferior Sun 10-Jul-16 13:48:02

No, of course 'most men' aren't like this.

mummylove2monsters Sun 10-Jul-16 13:56:25

My father was - now my hubby - don't get me wrong I can be scatty , my clean washing can sit in my room for over a week before I put it away - I havnt been very 'available in the bedroom' ( I'm knackered after brain bleed/section and breastfeeding) and I do put 99.9% of my energy into the kids but I think I'm normal - he is clearly frustrated by this - he can come home to all the cushions off the sofa ( my 2 yr old ) and a screaming baby and he just thinks I've done nothing all day .

Wolpertinger Sun 10-Jul-16 13:57:41

No most men aren't like this. Remind us what his good points are again confused because right now he looks like a selfish sexist arse. And not just when you have a baby.

Wolpertinger Sun 10-Jul-16 14:02:01

You only had a baby 8 weeks ago, in a life-threatening emergency requiring major surgery - frankly it's a miracle you've even considered sex at all.

He seems to be treating you like some sort of sextoy - newsflash, most women in your situation are not having sex. At all. And their partners are fine with it.

JassyRadlett Sun 10-Jul-16 14:05:27

Most men are definitely not like this.

Most men are also bright enough to recognise that women might feel slightly more like sex if they aren't treated like a skivvy, but then most men care about the feelings of their partner who has just been though not just one major physical upheaval but several.

This doesn't sound like a great relationship to model to the kids, tbh. When he said 'for better, for worse' and 'in sickness and in health' did he tack on 'unless it causes me even the most minor irritation or inconvenience'?

MaisieDotes Sun 10-Jul-16 14:08:17

Congratulations on the new baby smile

I have 3: two under two and then a much older one (15). I can't imagine how hard it must be with 4 small ones, and with no support from your H.

flowers

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