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suspect MIL has give bf DD formula

(139 Posts)
s098 Sat 09-Jul-16 21:26:10

Sorry for the rant but need to get it out!
Yesterday me and my OH had a day out and left our nearly 6 month old Dd with OH's mum. She's always made hints about me changing to formula from breastfeeding and always hint s about lookimg after dd more when shes on solids/ formula.
We were gone from about 9.30 am till 5pm and MIL made out like dd had been unsettled due to teething ( which is probably true) but that she didn't want much milk. I thought there was still alot of the expressed milk left when we picked dd up ( she had probably had one feeds worth!!) amd today she hasn't pooed at all which is very unlike her, its normally atleast twice a day! I've also noticed the bottle she'd used is greasy inside which has never happened with the breastmilk.
Now sat here feeling really annoyed if she has done that, she's got no reason to to it. Dd is happy on breastmilk and its my choice when i change to formula!
What would everyone else do in this situation? There's no way i cam prove anything but im pretty certain! MIL also gave her grandson a dummy when his parents are against them so this adds to my suspicion!

SirChenjin Sat 09-Jul-16 21:31:11

I would tell your MIL what you've just told us and ask her directly if she gave her formula? Or get your DH to. If she admits it then I would go politely ballistic. If she denies it then I would suggest you say that you are reiterating that she must never be given formula until you say so.

Acopyofacopy Sat 09-Jul-16 21:32:58

Sorry, mil, but you can't look after dd any more as you don't respect our rules. Message to be delivered by dh.

A shame to use a willing babysitter, but you need to be able to trust her 100%.

isthistoonosy Sat 09-Jul-16 21:34:13

Tbh I'd pick my battles the kid will be on solids and cows milk in foods in few weeks/days. Would you like.your mil to be close to.your kids and help out sometimes? If so tread wisely.

FuzzyOwl Sat 09-Jul-16 21:35:17

My DD generally doesn't want milk when teething and if she isn't feeding, she wouldn't necessarily have dirty nappies.

I can also say with certainty that I've never had a bottle of formula that is greasy inside either.

Peasandsweetcorn Sat 09-Jul-16 21:36:28

Why don't you ask her?

hesterton Sat 09-Jul-16 21:36:56

I might think of, but probably never do it: invent a terrible tummy upset and ask for clarification about exactly what she ate...

43percentburnt Sat 09-Jul-16 21:37:07

What does DH say? I think when she does poo it may show you if she was given anything else.

If it was my relative I would do all I can to get them to admit to it. Probably by saying there is a problem and the GP/nurse/hospital needs to know exactly what feeds she had yesterday etc.

Then my dd would never spend a minute alone with her again.

I am really chilled out as a parent, I am happy for relative visits in hospital, I will pass my new born round for cuddles etc etc but this would really really piss me off.

Only1scoop Sat 09-Jul-16 21:37:13

You don't know for certain
Ask her

Also why would bottle be greasy?

hesterton Sat 09-Jul-16 21:37:30

No I wouldn't do that, scrub that

AStreetcarNamedBob Sat 09-Jul-16 21:39:19

I'd say it was between your DH and his mother. He is the one that needs to talk to her IF either of you plan to

NoMudNoLotus Sat 09-Jul-16 21:41:01

Bottle could be greasy due to different type of detergent used to wash the bottle.

I don't think you have a very sound case tbh OP.

WorldsBiggestGrotbag Sat 09-Jul-16 21:42:33

The evidence seems pretty flimsy to be honest so tread carefully.
I've given expressed milk and formula in bottles and never noticed one being more greasy than the other. Why would it?
If DD is teething she doesn't want much milk. Also she always had less milk when with other people as she was unsettled. Plus always takes more from the breast than she does from a bottle.

honeysucklejasmine Sat 09-Jul-16 21:44:03

Eugh, that's awful that you're even a position to suspect that. My MIL has a full of baby rice, Ella's overpriced pouches, rusks and biscuits. She was very upset when I said we would be following current NHS guidelines and waiting till 6 months, and then she would have real food, not sugar biscuits and purees. blush

I hope its not the case and you can build trust back up

s098 Sat 09-Jul-16 21:47:15

OH says i can't be certain she did but all the things together make me feel like thats what she's done. I think he will be annoyed if i ask her.
Dd is on purées but a very small amount a day and i was thinking about introducing formula at some point after 6 months but the issue is that its my choice when.

Kerberos Sat 09-Jul-16 21:47:23

Honestly unless this is part of a pattern of other weird behaviour I would let this go. Sounds like you may have other reasons to suspect beyond "greasy bottles".

ParisGellar Sat 09-Jul-16 21:50:03

I'd be furious. To me it would be like mil is trying to assert some control.

s098 Sat 09-Jul-16 21:51:17

I understand she would probably want less milk due to change in her normal routine but for 1 feed in that amount of time seems odd.

SirChenjin Sat 09-Jul-16 21:52:34

You're absolutely right - it is your choice when you introduce formula, not your MILs. It depends on whether or not you want to speak to her about it given that you don't have your DH support sadly - but be wary of her doing things behind your back in future or feeling beholden to her because she's doing some babysitting for you.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AppleAndBlackberry Sat 09-Jul-16 21:54:39

It is possible that she just didn't drink very much as she was unsettled. I did find breastmilk could separate and become greasy, more so than formula which stayed mixed together.

AtSea1979 Sat 09-Jul-16 21:54:51

Your choice? She's their DGD, don't they get a choice? It's a bit PFB to me. My DC are a few years older but they know at GPs house they get treats and variants from the healthy diet I give them. GPs house, GPs rules.

Summersalmostgone Sat 09-Jul-16 21:57:25

I find bottles of breast milk look greasy when they haven't been rinsed properly. Breast milk is much fattier than formula, or mine is at least.

JellyTipisthebest Sat 09-Jul-16 21:57:27

Breast milk bottles are often more greasy that formula. You also probably wash up straight away she may of just rinsed it.

Coffeelover56 Sat 09-Jul-16 21:57:30

Is your DD used to taking expressed milk from MIL? Could it be that DD protested against having much milk because she wasn't used to taking it from her?

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