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DP stuck up for me!

(8 Posts)
Conline Wed 06-Jul-16 16:06:59

Posted on here about mil and sil issues/boyfriend not supporting me few weeks ago and I'd said I was biting my tongue. Even though it's usually in my nature to get things off my chest.
Well turns out they've had a few moans about me and it's all came to a head. When Iv confronted them about what I've appRently done(they got a shock as obv had me down as a softy) mil reply was "well you haven't done it Yet or I just assumed" boyfriend totally surprised me and backed me all the wAy and we've stood our ground that I have not done a thing wrong, now I feel like I don't want to be in sil and mil company when boyfriend isn't there. He totally understands this. And Iv suggested he takes our baby to see them at their own house in his own time i.e.a Sunday. But then he thinks it's making it too obvious I can't be arsed to be around their miserable judging faces. I feel bad on him. But at the same time all this is making me feel down, and it's spoiling my mat leave. But at least in all of this my boyfriend has suprised me and supported me which I never thought I'd see the day when it came to his mother. How often and for how long does other people's pil see there kids? Like is every Sunday for 4 hours acceptable? Obv when he's older they will see him more

ImperialBlether Wed 06-Jul-16 16:08:33

Four hours? Are you mad?! That's far too long. He can take them for that long if he wants, but you shouldn't have to stay that long.

Gillian1980 Wed 06-Jul-16 16:32:43

That's a lot! Especially if relationships are a bit strained.

My parents see us once a week for about 1/2 an hour as they only live 5 mins away. But it's very flexible and no issue if either them or us are too busy or tired to meet up.

My DH's parents live 45 mins away and we see them for a couple of hours every 3-4 weeks. They work full time and have kids still living at home so are quite busy, whereas mine are retired and all kids are grown up now.

Conline Wed 06-Jul-16 17:10:55

Imperialblether that made me laugh! Boyfriend thinks they will be peed off going from a Monday to a Sunday but I think this has to please them all more as its in there own home, around the dog (one of my issues but I need to get over it if mil is to have him one day a wk when I return to wrk) and they my little boy will start getting used to being there. That's what I'm thinking? Although it's killing me to let him go somewhere without me atm.

Gillian1980 I wish someone other than me would explain this to my boyfriend because if I mentioned some kids see there grandparents a lot less he wouldn't accept that I don't think.

SeaEagleFeather Wed 06-Jul-16 17:39:00

I need to get over it if mil is to have him one day a wk when I return to wrk

and she's been badmouthing you for a while?

Is there any alternative childcare? If it's at all possible I think you should avoid her taking care of your child. Doing this for you gives her a lot of power and sense of being beholden and she already doesn't like you and is prepared to bitch about you. I think you need to be careful here and not hand her any more leverage

SeaEagleFeather Wed 06-Jul-16 17:40:31

As for your bf, it's good that he stood up for you. But you are unhappy here and he needs to take your reservations and unhappiness into account. He's in a difficult position but you're in a still more difficult one.

Conline Wed 06-Jul-16 21:01:52

So the mil has txt in a licky arse way Asking what days I'm free next week for her to see baby and that she will arrange time later if that's ok , even tried to start up a conversation. I can't help but think it's fake and too little to late. Iv also mentioned to bf that I'm thinking about asking CM to do that extra day for childcare. But he doesn't think it will get that far as he thinks his mother / sister knows they've made a big mistake. Ggggrrrrrrrr(angry)

SeaEagleFeather Wed 06-Jul-16 22:05:08

Is their apology genuine?

Can you trust them to look after your child properly? respecting your wishes, within reason? And -not- badmouthing you?

Ie can this blow over, or will you remain uncomfortable with them looking after him? You need to be comfortable with the people who are looking after your little one. As for your bf, it's great that he supported you but this has gone a long way and you aren't comfortable with people who have done this to you. You need time. Forcing you to go to happy sundays won't make you any more comfortable, in fact less. And you're just not happy with them looking after your baby when they are so unpleasant to you.

If the apology is genuine, maybe let your LO go for now to the child minder the extra day, but see how things go in the future. Let the dust settle for a while and hopefully ease. If they badmouth you again, well, no way. If they really try to change towards you then try it.

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