Worried about ds & making friends(5 Posts)
My ds is 8 and has a small group of friends from school he talks about. We have had a few round for tea.
He often says that they have been mean to him, won't let him join their games, leave him out & say he is rubbish at games like football & cricket.
I do take alot of it with a pinch of salt but at times I worry that he doesn't seem to have made any real friends. I know kids can be mean but why would you behave like this towards someone you regard as a friend. I'm sure he's no angel and says things too but tonight I was asking him who his friends are and he says he doesn't really have any anymore.
There was a party recently which all of his group of about 6 boys went too and he wasn't invited. He was crying for about a week!
He hasn't been invited to anyone's house for ages. If we've invited someone he will get invited back but
only the once almost out of politeness.
I worry for him as I didn't find it easy to make lasting friendships & I was often lonely. His teacher says he is a happy sociable boy with a group of friends. Do 8.5 year olds still have 'playdates' or not so much?
He is quite immature still and I think also eager to please so may come across as a bit annoying to his peers at times but I just want him to be liked and not lonely.
Maybe it's just that particular classn rather than your DS? Does his school offer any clubs so he can make some friends from other classes?
Think about it, if you work in a team of 30 as an adult, you aren't necessarily going to find your best friends in that one group, you might you might not, you're more likely to find your tribe in hobbies/extra curricular activities
Good point, yes I see what you're saying. They don't really mix with the children from the other classes and at play time he says they play mostly with the people in their own class.
He does do some after school activities with children from different schools, I've never really thought about seeing if he'd like them to come round.
I have a similar situation to yours trickymoments with my DS of a similar age so I will watch your post with interest.
DS also describes his 'friends' being mean to him, it seems each wants to be in charge and all try and be 'top dog ' when he has none of it and walks away they then want him back!
I am not sure if it an age thing and by that I mean that they are more aware of each other and what they do and do not like. I think the suggestion of extra curricular classes is a good one, I also try not to limit his friendships to one or two kids but keep them open! I do also wonder whether it is a funny class as well!
We had a similarish thing with one of our girls, she did have friends, but it was a very alpha girl group - a lot of who is "in" and who is "out" and it was a bit unpleasant.
She joined some school clubs and made friends from other classes who are in the playground at lunchtimes, she plays with them now at lunch & they're lovely & no drama. She's still friends with the other group in lessons, but the drama doesn't really upset her any more because she leaves them to it at lunch and plays with her no drama friends from the clubs.
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