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How to help DD to be tidy and to stay calm (both of us)

(2 Posts)
walkingtheplank Tue 05-Jul-16 11:14:18

Seem to have arrived at an impasse with DD aged 9.

She is very untidy, and increasingly short-tempered. She probably inherits (or has learned) both from me.

Untidiness - her room is a tip. She is an avid reader who is usually reading 5 or 6 books at a time. She'll just finish a page and discard the book wherever she is - on the floor, on the sofa, on the bin even. She can never pick up a towel or make her bed. I am sick of clearing up and I am apparently so mean for making her do it herself. She says she has 'no room'. She actually has a room which is about 5 times the size of the room I had at that age. I suggested we get more storage (although her current storage is just full of tat that has been crammed in).

Short-temper - I concede that some her 'flying off the handle' has come from me, especially when I have PMT. I am endeavouring to calm myself down. Yesterday was a new start for me but I was constantly accused of, "You always think" when that isn't the case. I remained calm and serene whilst she wailed at the unfairness of her gilded life until this morning when she thumped her DB (who does try to wind her up) and then I tried to wade into her room and the untidiness from yesterday morning and last night was in the exact same place. On the way into school she was still bemoaning the unfairness, much to the amusement of other parents. She thinks I'm a monster.

So, how do you help an untidy child be tidy (her DB is very tidy so would be helpful to hear from people who have a reformed untidy child).

How do I stop her flying of the handle (and myself for that matter).

pippistrelle Wed 06-Jul-16 10:17:44

Sympathy, OP.

My daughter is pretty untidy too, while I am at the other end of the scale. It bothered me for a while, but I reminded myself that I was pretty untidy myself when I was her age, and made a decision not to hold her to my current standards. I try to see it as a thing that has to be learned by some people (including me), and that it doesn't come naturally to everyone. So, I help her. She's less resentful - and even sometimes quite cheerful grin - if I'm in there with her.

Is she a bit of a hoarder, or is she okay with getting rid of things?

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