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Don't feel like I'm coping

(14 Posts)
Shazza19901 Thu 30-Jun-16 16:58:28

I feel bad for posting this but I don't feel like I'm coping well. My boy is almost 1 and a feel like I'm loosing the plot slowly. I spend most of my days alone with him as hubby works all day. I don't feel like I'm giving him everything he needs. I love him so so much but I need time away from him. The thought of getting up in the morning to do the same routine day in day out its slowly killing me inside. It sounds awful but I don't think I'm made to be a mum. I work too but only twice a week as we cannot afford to put him in a nursery. I feel like chugging a bottle of wine daily but know that would only cause more problems. Sorry for taking up space on the site just needed to place my thoughts somewhere. I'm not sure what's wrong with me but I'm struggling to stay positive and happy, even with this beautiful little baby crawling round, I love my partner dearly as well as my baby, but the thought of doing all of this again tomorrow makes me want to cry x sorry for ranting and thanks xx

Coconut0il Thu 30-Jun-16 17:16:34

Please don't feel bad about feeling like this. I think lots of people go through stages where they feel the same. I love my DS1 and 2 more than anything but if I don't get a break from them every few days I start to feel tearful. DP is pretty good at noticing and will take them out for a bit. Even an hour to yourself can make a huge difference. Any chance your DH could take your DS out for a bit after work... Visit to nan's, walk to the park, swimming? If after work isn't an option what about at a weekend? When DS1 was young DP used to take him out for 2 hours every Sunday so I could have some time. You need time to yourself too.
Other things that help me are getting out everyday. DS2 is 10 months and even just a trip to the library or supermarket breaks the day up a bit.
Also remember this phase does pass. As they get a bit older and can do more with you they get much more interesting. DS1 is 12 now and one of my favourite ages with him was 2 till 5.

Bottomchops Thu 30-Jun-16 17:23:11

I was a sahm; I didn't even get to go to work at all sad. I coped by having a daily timetable. There wasn't too much on in my area but I hunted and hunted online til I found something to do everyday. I even joined a gym that had a free crèche. I went to the children's centre and to all the stay and plays. It was exhausting but better to be out and about. I never made friends either but would chat. It's really not forever although it definitely feels like it at the time. If it's really getting you down you could look at working more? Don't feel guilty though, it's such hard work and boring and lonely all at the same time.

camelfinger Thu 30-Jun-16 17:28:56

I can't offer any advice as I'm sitting here bawling my eyes out whilst one child kicks me and the other one is sleeping on me. I might have just sworn. It is overwhelming and I can't wait to go back to work. You are not alone in these feelings.

ElleBellyBeeblebrox Thu 30-Jun-16 17:32:52

Don't feel alone, I think most honest parents would admit to feeling that way at times. Do you have a health visitor you could contact to talk through these things with, she might be able to suggest groups and things locally, or see if Homestart are still supporting in your area. X

Shazza19901 Thu 30-Jun-16 17:33:22

I wish I could work more, I'd feel a lot better for it, don't know what's gotten into me. By the time DH gets home it's bed time for little one, and we don't live close to relatives. I do things like play group, swimming and soft play centre but I can't handle it on my own. My "friends" don't bother with me anymore. I'm just so so tired of doing this on my own, I don't feel like I can give him all the love he needs because I'm always wallowing in self pity. Wish I could just snap out of it sad

Bottomchops Thu 30-Jun-16 17:41:38

Something has to give. We were skint but I was seriously breaking down so we had to find money for a childminder 2 mornings a week. We managed to scrape by.

Also is it possible to go and stay with family as a regular occurrence for a few days a week when you're not required at work? Could a family member stay with you a few days a week?

You need a frank conversation with your partner to find some solutions. In another year your life will be completely different but you need to find a way to get through the next year. What about going out can't you handle on your own?

Shazza19901 Thu 30-Jun-16 17:48:54

We are broke, DH works 7 days a week most of the time so it's hard. Baby stays over with his gran once every two weeks to help as I start work early And finish late so it's not really a break. I can't handle the tantrums that come when I strap him in his pram, he's a nightmare to change his nappy it's hard trying to shop wile pushing a pram ( I don't drive) he's a pain to feed, he refuses everything. I would love to put him in nursery but it's so expensive I just cannot afford it. I just can't handle it anymore

Bottomchops Thu 30-Jun-16 17:59:20

I would contact your health visitor in this situation. I did and she came to the house and it was really good. Round here childminders are £3.50 per hour so a lot more doable than nurseries. Are you claiming everything you can? Can you find full time work?

Bottomchops Thu 30-Jun-16 18:01:11

Also you need to open up to your mum or in laws and let them know you're not coping; they might be able to come up with a plan. I know my dm paid some of our childcare as she could see things were bad. I realise I was lucky in that respect.

Caterina99 Thu 30-Jun-16 18:01:28

Hi OP I have a just turned 1 year old, and I'm a sahm (not really through choice) and I do get how you feel. I feel the same some days. The reason it's not every day is that I've made myself some friends with same aged babies who are in a similar boat - stay at home, no family nearby, DH at work all day. On days where we don't meet with friends, it's a very long day.

Obviously easier said then done, but it sounds like you could do with some adult company. I don't know how you can go about this, but I met people through baby groups. Other things that help are trips out every day - park, supermarket, library etc and I go to a gym with a crèche so I can get away from DS for a bit there. But yes, some days are loooong

1AngelicFruitCake Thu 30-Jun-16 18:12:07

I think these days we're made to feel we should be having magical experiences daily and social media is full of 'perfect' mums who happily spend their days with their children. People let us see what they want us to see. Don't get me wrong I love my time with my children but it's a long day when it's just you and then.

It sounds really tough with your partner working so much. You sound very isolated. I'd also agree with making a routine and getting out as much as you can. Try and find activities that you enjoy so I love going for walks so like doing that. Build in time for you so as soon as my children nap I get out some chocolate and watch a bit of a DVD. I look forward to it and it gives me time for me. Don't be so hard on yourself and know you're doing a great job.

Shazza19901 Thu 30-Jun-16 19:41:51

Thank you all - i feel lonley a lot of the time because I have no one really, I have met other mums through playgroups but they're not solid friends. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day thanks all

camelfinger Thu 30-Jun-16 20:32:32

One piece of advice that I do find useful is to try not to think about anything beyond the next ten minutes, let alone the next day. I think that living in the here and now is the only way to cope with little ones.

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