Tell me it will get better!

(19 Posts)
Bubspub Wed 29-Jun-16 16:32:58

My one year old has been quite a handful from the beginning really. He had terrible reflux and did what I heard someone refer to as an 'exorcist scream' for about 5 months, all day every day sadHe settled down a fair bit after then but has always been pretty challenging, very strong willed, very whiney, doesn't know what he wants, frustrated etc. I felt like I must be getting it all wrong if I couldn't make him happy and I developed postnatal depression. Anyway things have significantly improved and I do feel a bit better, I feel that I have a bond with him now and he is my world. But I still struggle with getting very basic things done, he's so demanding, yesterday it took me 20 minutes to take the rubbish out and today I ate a cake for my lunch at 3pm hmm I think these are ordinary struggles of people with toddlers but I wonder if I'll ever stop feeling so overwhelmed by it all and things will feel less chaotic so I can enjoy it a bit more? I enjoy bits of it now but often feel very stressed. Does anyone have a similar experience and did things improve? Thanks.

gandalf456 Wed 29-Jun-16 16:38:56

One is a hard age and yes it will get better. Sometimes it's easier if you get out of the house a bit as a change of scene is good for settling their mood

Bubspub Wed 29-Jun-16 16:54:21

Thank you Gandalf. Thanks for saying it will get better. We go out everyday but he's often quite tetchy and it ends up being stressful. I would have liked to take him to soft play or swimming this afternoon but he whined at the shops as I think needed a nap so we've come home. We're very much dictated to by his naps as he's so tetchy when tired X

BugPlaster Wed 29-Jun-16 17:17:35

It will get better. He will be able to express himself better as he moves towards 2. That will take a strain off.
My DS is 2 and we are dictated by tiredness because he gets up so early. We try to still get out to a playgroup or park because both out sanity demands it.

Bubspub Wed 29-Jun-16 17:30:00

Thank you Bug. I'm really looking forward to him being more verbal so hopefully he can talk to me instead of whine. I have always felt with him that he hated being helpless and immobile and was really quite angry about it. He couldn't wait to move and walk and the more he could do the more he's chilled out a bit. Before he was born I had planned to do all these groups and classes with him but then realised that wasn't going to work really X

FATEdestiny Wed 29-Jun-16 17:33:25

What happens is your expectations change. Once that happens things get a lot less stressful and calmer.

Ive four children ranging from 11y to 21m and the other day I had half a pack no one will know it was a full pack if I never admit it of Jaffa cakes for lunch. You know what? Great lunch. What's not to like about loads-a Jaffa cakes? I certainly don't feel bad about it, it was a one off.

20 mins to empty the bin? That's all about expectations too. Nothing needs to be stopping you going basics that take a minute or two like that.

Baby cries? Baby can wait a moment while you finish this off. Baby needs a nappy change? Nothing terrible will happen if this waits a couple of minutes. It's just down to your expectations.

Bubspub Wed 29-Jun-16 18:00:51

Thanks Fate. Eeeek four children, you are super woman!! I feel I struggle with one. I agree expectations adjust. I accept now that I mostly look like I've been dragged through a hedge backwards and drink cold coffee confused I'd like to feel more positive about parenthood, I'm getting there slowly X

Caterina99 Wed 29-Jun-16 18:56:56

I know how you feel some days. My DS just turned one and can be a right whiny pain sometimes.

Do you have a set routine? That really helps me. Obviously it all goes to hell some days, but he's definitely in his best mood when he's well fed and well rested and I prioritise naps, especially during the week. I usually (have also been known to eat a packet of biscuits for lunch at 4pm, so no judgement from me) eat when he does, and do housework while he sleeps. if I need to keep him still for a bit while I do something then I usually put a video on my phone for him. that keeps him quiet for a bit. i try and get out of the house at least once a day, for both of our sanity

mouldycheesefan Wed 29-Jun-16 18:58:07

Does he have a good sleep routine? It really does help.
It does get better too!

Bubspub Wed 29-Jun-16 19:15:02

Thank you people. Yes I totally prioritise sleep with him. I know it seems really precious but we always dash home from places because he will mostly only sleep in his cot. The reason I'm like that/do that is because he is HORRENDOUS when tired, he becomes so miserable and screamy. So we literally drop everything and dash to get him home. I wish I could be more chilled and leave him to nap in the pram while I do other things but it's just not worth it. Thanks for your encouragement X X

FATEdestiny Wed 29-Jun-16 19:33:14

You seem to be framing things negatively.

My children have all had only cot naps (past about 6 months old) and do of course that does mean structuring my day around being at home at specific times for naps.

But I don't frame this as "rushing home" or stressful. I just knew when I had a 12 month old that I needed be at home 9.30-11.00 and 1.00-3.00 for nap time. No biggie. Just meant that I needed to do any shopping I needed to do over the 11-1 lunchtime period when baby is awake. Or in the evening when DH was home from work.

It's not like it lasted forever. I now have our mornings free to be out the house because DD has (finally!) dropped her morning nap.

Bubspub Wed 29-Jun-16 19:40:05

Yeah I hear what you're saying. I find it hard to gauge how much of this is because my child is a challenge and how much my mood issues influence how I frame things. I'm fairly sure my child has been a challenge but I do think I need to adjust my perception a bit. Bet it's nice now that they've dropped the morning nap X X

Primaryteach87 Wed 29-Jun-16 19:43:56

I just wanted to say that some children are harder to parent. I don't mean that it a nasty way, I'm sure your DC is gorgeous. I mean don't compare yourself to someone who has an 'easy' toddler. I have an 'easy' 1 year old and I probably look like I have it al together, the reality is that I have way less challenges.

Don't compare! You are being the best mummy for you child.

I learnt this lesson the hard way after terrible birth injuries meant it took me 6 months to walk again while others were going on skiing holidays!

Bubspub Wed 29-Jun-16 19:52:02

Thank you Primary. Gosh sorry to hear about the birth injuries. It's so true, every child is different. Love my bubby but he's hot headed, impatient and awkward at times (this has been the case since he was just a few weeks old). I know this is a fact and other people in my family agree. But I also know where I've become depressed I do end up seeing everything quite negatively and sometimes catastrophising. So I'm trying to be a bit more balanced about everything. Unfortunately his first year has sort of sucked all the energy and positivity out of me shock I think it's a slow road getting to where I would have been if we hadn't had the tricky start X X

gandalf456 Wed 29-Jun-16 21:48:36

I think you are right to let him have his naps and to keep outings short if he gets tetchy. Both of mine would at this age. A quick 30 mins to an hour out is all they need. In fact, enjoy it, because when they are school age, you get 'I'm bored' if you come home early.

I hear you about taking 20 mins to empty the bin. These things would frustrate me, too, because I'm very much a get it done kind of person and if I've started, I've got to finish. At this age, it is hard because you have to watch them. Would you be able to distract him with a playmat or playpen for 30 mins while you do essential tasks? Another thing is lowering your expectations about the house and delegating to DH. Having a one year old's a full time job.

I do think it's partly down to personality - yours and your child's. My DD was harder to parent. She didn't sleep and needed constant attention, which I am not afraid to admit, I found very wearing because I can't relate to that even looking back to when I was a child. DS, in contrast, is like me, happy to potter and, if he gets into something, you don't see him for ages.

BeenThereTooSEL Thu 30-Jun-16 16:29:11

My DD is a year next month and I agree with you. Her whining is when she can't communicate something. However we use BSL and it's eased it SO MUCH! She can tell me if she wants more, wants me to sing her a song etc and I use BSL when I speak to her and she gets in trying to communicate something so she stops whining for about 3 seconds it is bloody hard at this age

1AngelicFruitCake Fri 01-Jul-16 20:12:41

I think it's partly the age and partly he sounds more full on than some babies. My friends baby was like that and she eventually concluded that her baby didn't like being a baby very much (she's now a much calmer Pre-schooler).

Think it's also down to your personality. Another friend literally can't get anything done unless her baby naps. I made it my mission from my baby being about six months for her to become used to playing on their own for short bursts whilst I do something like make tea or wash up. It's taken months of reinforcing this expectation and I can still struggle to get things done but I find that aiming for that means I'm more likely to do it. (Some days I can't be bothered and feel my energy is taken up so easily!) I've found that as my toddler gets older I am getting better at juggling things and prioritising (good job as I now have a young baby and a toddler!)

The fact is that toddlers are draining and 1 is hard because they can't express themselves. It gets so much better when they can talk to you.

Bubspub Tue 05-Jul-16 19:07:26

Thank you everybody. Am really looking forward to him being more verbal. He's getting there but sentences may be some time! I agree with your friend Angelic, my boy totally hated being a baby, he was totally frustrated and furious about it. Will definitely look into the BSL, thanks beenthere, other people mentioned that to me and I had hoped to do a course in baby signing with him but then I realised very quickly that he won't sit still at all ever so courses like that seemed a bit pointless x

Xmasbaby11 Tue 05-Jul-16 19:17:07

My dd1 was like that at 1 op. She was si restless and demanding and it was so hard just preparing lunch took ages. It's hard for others to understand if they have content baby.

Actually dd stopped napping at 1 and wanted to be bust so we had to go out twice a day. It was exhausting. I worked 4 days a week though so I didn't mind so much. She calmed down once she turned 3, but the toddler years were very challenging and I felt terribly guilty that my friends seemed to enjoy their toddlers more than I did.

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