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talk some sense into me !

(17 Posts)
seriouslyclueless Sun 12-Jun-16 07:39:05

Please can someone talk some sense into me.
I really want a 4th baby and know on every level this is not a good idea but can't stop thinking about it.
I'm too old, we don't have any space in our house. We are only just managing financially.

It would be emotional, financial, physical disaster....yet....I keep thinking of being pregnant, going through labour, bringing the baby home, breastfeeding and want to do it all again.
I just need to talk some sense into myself and see that this would not on any level be a good idea.

Afreshstartplease Sun 12-Jun-16 07:44:21

How does your oh feel

seriouslyclueless Sun 12-Jun-16 07:56:49

He would love us to have another but is a realist and knows we don't have the space or money so we just need to accept its a no.

Afreshstartplease Sun 12-Jun-16 08:00:27

If you both want one I'd go for it TBH!

branofthemist Sun 12-Jun-16 08:06:44

Really? Go for it even though they don't have the room or the money?

It's not too bad when they are babies, but when they are all older it won't be great. But only the OP and her dh can decide that.

Op I don't know how to solve this for you. I have never had a longing for more children. However my mum admits that she would have a baby now if she could (she is 60). I think some people always feel like that.

She didn't get over it, she learnt to live with it by focusing on what she did have. Me and my brother.

On these threads I always ask a question (that no one has been able to answer). If you have a fourth, how do you know these feelings will go away?

Could it be possible you will have the fourth and then stills find that you still have these feelings? What then?

I don't mean this to sound shitty, it's a genuine question.

seriouslyclueless Sun 12-Jun-16 08:07:42

Would you ?
I do want one so badly and know he would absolutely love another but for so many reasons it feels we can't.

Afreshstartplease Sun 12-Jun-16 08:09:34

In my experience babies don't usually come along at the perfect time but people make do

I suppose it depends what the op would regret more

Only1scoop Sun 12-Jun-16 08:15:04

Sounds like you love the baby stage.

If you can afford and easily house another DC then go for it.

Ilovewillow Sun 12-Jun-16 08:18:01

It sounds like you should both be trying to find ways to see if you can make it work rather than talk yourselves out of it! You sound very keen!

kiki22 Sun 12-Jun-16 08:31:10

I will not be having another after 2 because he don't have space and cant afford it. The kids we do have would suffer in that days out, holidays, treats would have to be cut to almost nothing to pay for food and clothes for another. I have heard the argument all they need is love but we all know that's not exactly true loving them is the easy part its paying for 4 lots of uniforms and shoes that's the hard part.

Also space wise they would never have their own room which doesn't seem like a huge deal but I remember the first time getting my own room at about 13 and loving it, I do want to be able to provide these material things space, trips, gadgets I want to take them to Disney land I want to be able to say yes to school trips so we will stay at 2.

Afreshstartplease Sun 12-Jun-16 08:32:44

We are expecting DC4 so I may be biased....

seriouslyclueless Sun 12-Jun-16 14:19:30

That's an interesting point Branofthemist. This is how I felt between 2 & 3 so your right maybe these feelings will come back when no 4 is a toddler.
Congratulations Afreshstart ! Slightly jealous.
Kiki the reasons you describe are the reasons why I think having a fourth would be a bad idea but I just can't shake of the longing for another baby.

kiki22 Sun 12-Jun-16 14:37:27

I was saying the other day if we had a huge house and loads of money I would have 4 but I keep reminding myself what we would lose, I picture saying no to trips and buying the cheaper clothes to keep my sensible head on. My gran always says if you want another baby check your purse first.

seriouslyclueless Sun 12-Jun-16 14:58:44

That's a good way to look at it purse is empty confused
My Gran had 5 children and stayed home while my Granda went out to work. They bought a big house for £2,000 many moons ago.
Very different times now.
Myself and dh are just getting back on our feet and hoping to go on holiday next year. I'm Able to buy the kids nice clothes and have some money for nice days out.
We can just about make our house work with 3 kids.
4 would massively have a negative impact financially...but, but, but there's these broody thoughts !!

kiki22 Sun 12-Jun-16 15:05:31

There are worst things that could happen than being a bit skint its just deciding what you want, I know people happily going without for more children, if that's what you want do it for me I don't want to struggle

Good luck whatever you decide flowers

ILoveAGoodBrusselSprout Sun 12-Jun-16 15:13:11

I was exactly the same. I was so broody and desperate for a fourth. Money was ok, we're not struggling but there's not a lot extra. And we had one room to turn into an extra bedroom.

Fast forward a couple of months and I was pregnant with twins. They are now 3 1/2 and are wonderful but space and money is even tighter!

If I could go back, I'd still do it!!

DiggersRest Sun 12-Jun-16 15:24:21

I think about dc3, love the idea of it, but the reality is l wouldn't cope! I think our bodies trick us, we're meant to procreate. You need to weigh up if you can afford it. And contrary to what some people think, dc do need more than love.

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