I'm so tired, I'm so fed up(17 Posts)
I have an 19mo DD, our first child, and almost definitely our only child.
I don't know what the purpose of this post is really (or even if I'm putting it in the right place), I'm just so, so exhausted and unhappy at the moment. DD has been particularly difficult this week, she's going through a huge attention seeking/provoking phase and I just can't deal with it. I work part time, run the house and finances and I can't do it anymore. I'm genuinely in awe of people who have multiple children, I really am.
She sleeps well so I can't blame broken sleep on my current mood, but I'm so sick of it all. I miss my old life desperately, I've become so tearful recently remembering what it was like to just come home from work and just sit down . To be able to have a conversation with someone without a little person yelling, hitting or just trying to kill themselves constantly. At the end of the day I'm bone tired, all my energy is just completely sapped.
DH is a wonderful, hands on father. But he works full time and often late. And in my rational moments I know that DD is a pretty decent toddler, as they go!
I'm just not "me" anymore, I'm a stressed, harassed shell. My hair is going grey, wrinkles are appearing at the rate of knots, I lose my temper with DD constantly. I put on a smile but inside I'm cracking.
I'm not depressed (had PND so I know what that feels like) - it's just anger. Anger and sadness.
I know I shouldn't wish her life away but I can't wait until she's a little older. I love her to the ends of the earth but I can't cope with this constant whingeing and tantruming and need for my attention.
That's it, really. Not sure what I'm really trying to do here, I just want to vent/cry!
Nothing wise to say but you have my sympathy you sound exhausted and everything seems worse when you're tired. Is there anyone who could watch her and you could have a day to yourself?
Mine is only 3 months and already dreading when she gets older as I know how hard it's going to be
That is such a tough age! You have my empathy, I was you, six months ago. (Because all four are needed!)
DS is now almost 2.2 and although we have some issues with listening and following directions (and trying to keep him alive, with no help from himself), it is so much better.
I still have days where I just want him to LEAVE ME ALONE but most of the time I enjoy his company.
As DD gets a bit older she will be able to express herself better and ask for what she wants so hopefully fewer tantrums and you can have actual conversations (mainly about Peppa Pig and the colour of every car that drives past, but that's ok), she will be able to play more imaginatively and independently, become more interested in drawing, painting and playdoh which can be stretched out activities.
What I am trying to say is the old 'this too shall pass'. And while you're waiting, grab your favourite alcoholic drink and go nuts.
I would actually be aching from exhaustion by the end of the day, if only because DS just took soooo much energy to be around. The relentlessness of it all!
You have my sympathies. Toddlers are hard work and exhausting.
How much time do you get to yourself? To exercise or go out or do something just for you? If it's none, then can you and your DH work out a way to make that happen? E.g. do a class one night a week. Or go and have a coffee on your own on Sat afternoons. Or whatever. When DD was this age, and DH was away a lot, he'd always take her off for a few hours to the local playground on the weekend. It helped.
And, of course, it does get better. DD is 3, and still whinges and tantrums, but she's also better company. You can have proper conversations and she can tell me about her day and she's got a brilliant sense of humour.
I am fairly sure my DD was the exact same age when I posted (in chat, gone now) that she was breaking me and I couldn't do it any more. My DSIS has 2 children and she says that is the absolute worst age. My DD was the pits at 19 months. She's almost 2 now, her understanding is miles better (still can't speak but communicates well), is that bit more patient, less clingy, and able to amuse herself. Honestly I felt exactly the same as you in February but I survived with no apparent damage to my liver and you will too.
Are you working OP?
If not, it sounds like you would benefit from going back to work.
Some people thrive when they are at home with kids, some people don't.
Is your DH doing his fair share - do you both get equal sleep and equal time off?
I am on DD3, I felt like this with DD1, it was so hard. My coping mechanism is to keep them stimulated, I go to playgroups, the park anything rather than be in the house when it is just me and the little one. Yes things slip a bit, but I do the basics. I have found that part of the whole feeling is that of being trapped. Being out and about means the day is broken up and you are less trapped and hopefully have managed to have at least a bit of adult conversations too.
I still find it really tough, but now if it feels really bad I just get us put of the house and things feel much better.
Thank you everyone I feel a lot better for the wise words! And a few hours away from DD who's been crashed out since 7pm
I guess everything's been getting on top of me, today was extra ultra stressful due to some nightmare family stuff on DH's side. I really had a sobbing fit when he got home from work, long story short he actually started experiencing some worrying symptoms and ended up having an ambulance sent out . Thankfully it was just a bad anxiety attack!
He really is a wonderful dad and I do get ample opportunity to get away, I'm just finding it very very trying at the moment. As PP's have said, she's likely to get better once she can articulate a bit better and be (slightly) reasoned with! Ah god I can't wait!
Sorry just re-read some of the posts!
Yes I'm working, part time which does her my sanity a lot! I'm definitely not a "little little kid" person!
DH is very hands-on and adores DD. He certainly lacks in the housework department but eagerly does anything I ask for help with. Out of the two of us, I'm the organised one and always will be. His mind just doesn't work that way, so I'm always the one planning/sorting stuff. Which is fine under normal circumstances, but in times of stress it's the straw that breaks the camel's back!
That age is hard, I remember my DS being so testing at that age. I am not a tiny tot type of person, 3 years old is much better, they can chat and play on things for longer, don't tantrum as much etc.
Just do what you can to get through it, it will get easier when she can communicate a bit more. Doesn't help you much right now, but just think this bit won't be forever.
God they can be bloody hard work can't they?!
Is it possible to give yourself a half day off once a week? So pick a day you don't work, book her into nursery and indulge yourself, do something you miss from your old life? I've had a few times where I've been off but still sent DS to nursery and even if I only clean the house it feels like heaven (sad I know!)! I honestly think if you can afford it then this would do both you and your daughter good.
Try not to wish her life away too much though, do have their moments. Good luck x
Thanks everyone, feeling a lot better so far this week, think last week really kicked my arse!
I have been thinking about booking her into nursery for an extra half day a week, we're in the process of moving so switching childcare providers! I feel bad as I know I should be enjoying the days I'm not working with her, but I feel like I never get time to myself or to do odd jobs round the house. By the time she goes to bed I've run out of energy!
Oh and FIL and step MIL are having DD for a sleepover on Friday night - I'm going to dye my hair that evening to cover up the greys
Definitely put DD in childcare for that half day. I don't work one day during the week and my DD goes to her childminder for part of that day, it allows me to get some jobs done around the house and have an hour to myself. It's very important you mind you, there's no point in you being a shell of a woman, for yourself, your marriage or your DD.
Best wishes.. x
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