I think i've made a big mistake.(37 Posts)
DS is 7 and has never properly toilet trained wrt pooing. Peeing he got the hang of instantly but not so with the other. (He is in the process of being assessed for autism and ADHD and also awaiting a paediatrician assessment for the toilet issue.) Unless i make him sit on the toilet he wont go and he will have an accident. He doesnt always know if his pants are clean or dirty when i ask.
The mistake is that i have agreed to him going on a 2 night camp with his beaver group without even thinking of his toilet issues. I know how stupid i've been. It just didnt enter my head, he had missed a couple of nights at beavers and i was only reminded about the camp on Monday when i collected him so made an on the spot decision. The camp is tonight. He is all geared up to go and i've been trying really hard ever since monday to get him to go to the toilet when he feels he needs to but it just isnt happening and I know he will have accidents when he is away with beavers. He wont tell his leaders he has had an accident either so he will just stay in dirty pants. Its not fair to send him. I feel like crap and its going to break his heart but there isnt a way round this is there? I can't expect the leaders to constantly remind him/force him to sit on the toilet. They wont always be near toilets.
Can't you give him a suppository tonight so he's had a good clear out to lessen the chance that he'll need to go whilst he's away. GP used to prescribe them for ds but I'm pretty sure you can get them from the pharmacy.
He has to be at camp for 7pm tonight and we'll only get home from work/childminders about 5.30. Unless suppositories are super fast acting (are they?) i cant see it being an option unfortunately.
Phone your scout leader and explain. Take the lead from them.
How does he manage at school?
Speak to the pharmacy, see if they have any ideas. I doubt immodium or similar is appropriate for a 7 year old but worth asking?
Speak to leader and explain. Maybe they'll let you pop over at bedtime/morning to clear up any mess/softer him out. I'm guessing they are already aware of the issue of he's had accidents with them before
Could you offer to go to the camp regularly to toilet him and sort out any issues? The leaders won't want to help him, they have all the other beavers to look after, and they can't be alone 1-1 with him, so that's two leaders away from all the others every time he's dirty.
Agree you need to talk this through with the Beavers' leader. I think you're right though, if they're not set up to help him clean up and possibly on several occasions, and he needs adults to realise it's happened and take the lead in sorting out plus keep it to a minimum by prompting and scheduling toileting for him - then really that needed to be sorted out and planned for well in advance to be manageable.
If the place where they're going to camp is going to lend itself to being able to get him properly cleaned up - and questions like would he need to shower? how much of an independent role can he take in cleaning up and be thorough enough? would be helpful to the leader to know - could he wear pull ups or have lots of pairs of pants and trousers so any soiled ones can be just bagged and binned on the spot? Would he take bags and lots of wipes with him? How many times potentially would he need to change? Is it once a day or can it be several times for him? Can he carry a rucksack with changes/bags/wipes? Are they going anywhere during the weekend where this just isn't feasible?
It may be doable but it's such short notice to plan now that it will depend a lot on the venue, staffing and plans for the weekend, and whether the leader has time today to talk it through with you and do some planning.
Much sympathy to you and ds if it just isn't possible this time. However this would be a huge incentive for ds to work towards being able to manage for the next camp.
Yes i can go over to the camp to change him, i just think it will be embarrassing for him. He has only camped for 1 night before and it was a 7pm drop off and 10am pick up so he didnt have an accident.
Yes its the short notice (my own fault for not thinking it through before agreeing, i'm just so used to his situation i forget its not normal) ive left it too late to be managed properly i think.
I think you'll find the Beavers leaders will be very sympathetic to you. Remember all the boys are young and even those who are normally dry might have an accident on camp while they are in unfamiliar territory and drinking and sleeping at times out of their routine and very excited.
The scouts also have an equality policy http://scouts.org.uk/about-us/key-policies/equal-opportunities-policy/ which they must adhere to, if there is any query around disability.
I hope he goes and has the time of his life. Also another child might ask him to change if he smells, so peer pressure might prompt him!
He knows we've been trying all week to get the toilet sorted but i never actually told him he couldnt go if it wasnt. I didnt want him to feel like it was a punishment or threat (his dad punishes him for accidents )
I think i'll call the leader at lunch time and see what she says.
Does he have a rhythm to when he needs to go? So could you tell him to go at X o'clock, before bed and after breakfast for example?
Yes i make him go before school in the morning, as soon as we get in from school (or the childminder does when he is with her), around half an hour after dinner and before bed. He will often refuse to eat breakfast and sometimes dinner so it isnt always prefictable when he will need to go. He also gets very frustrated with having to sit on the toilet and insists he doesnt need to go.
Yes, the equality policy will definitely mean ds should be able to go on camps and have his toileting needs catered for - however as the OP is saying, it does take time and notice to plan and put together arrangements for a child, and it will depend a lot on things like the venue, staffing, itinerary (things which might have been planned to be suitable for ds's needs if they had known) and whether the leader has time today to make whatever plans or changes ds would need. It wouldn't be against equality policy or the Equality Act if they have to say at this point sorry, it's just too late to be able to set up what ds needs this time.
OP completely get that when it's every day normal at home you don't automatically think of it being any issue.
Have spoken to leader who said to bring him and she will make him go to the toilet regularly and is happy to help him change if he needs to. She is also happy for me to come out tomorrow evening after dinner if necessary and see to him. I will try and get him to go to the loo here before he goes tonight and have a chat to make sure he knows when to try the toilet and that when his leader says to go he has to go.
Hope he has a great time with his friends, it's great that the leader is being so helpful and understanding meaning you can feel a little more at ease that he's cared for and they'll call if they need you, enjoy your weekend
Thank you scholtzy
Does anyone have any suggestions for how i can get him to remember to go at say after breakfast/lunch dinner?
Hmmmm do you have an old phone/iPod or something like this you could set timers on if you know what time mealtimes are at? You could set it to go off 20/30 mins or so after to remind him to go? Not sure if that's a realistic task for him or not? Otherwise you may just have to remind the leaders to really encourage them to go to the loo after eating, perhaps if his friends are going he'll want to go? Sorry don't feel like these are really helpful ideas!
No i dont have anything like that, i dont even have a watch i could set an alarm on either as i was thinking that would be a good idea. I think i'll nip down to B&M and buy one of their cheap watches.
We've had a good chat btw and will remind him again when i drop him off.
That is brilliant news!! Delighted for you and ds
Write it on his wrist? Offer a really good bribe?
Hope he has a great time!
I would offer bribes (have done in the past) but tbh he would lie in order to get it and i wouldnt be able to know either way whether he had been accident free or not.
Think the watch is a good idea and hopefully lots of encouragement from the leaders. Hope all goes well for him! Xx
Well he's been and had a lovely poo just now and we're about to set off. Fingers crossed all goes well.
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