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For those of you who have worked F/T throughout your dc's childhood - did you ever regret it?

(9 Posts)
Surferjet Thu 09-Jun-16 13:39:14

I've worked F/T pretty much since ds was 6 months old as we needed the income ( down to 4 days a week since last year ) he's now 16 & talking about going to live abroad when he's 18.
I felt so sad when he said that, like I've missed out on so much of his life, but I genuinely had to work, or maybe we could have coped on less? oh god I hate this sadness & guilt. 😢

P1nkP0ppy Thu 09-Jun-16 13:47:14

Feeling guilty is part of being a mum, I worked nearly f/t but nights until they were at senior school then f/t days, and like you I had no choice.
You've done a great job op if your 16 year old has the confidence to be considering working abroad so please don't beat yourself up. My dcs don't seem to have done badly either.

I guess we all think 'what if...' Not working would have restricted all of you so clearly you made the right decision at the time.
💐 🍷

Surferjet Thu 09-Jun-16 18:05:25

Thank you P1nk. & yes you're right, we feel guilty no matter what.
& thank you so much for the flowers & wine 😊

LainyC13 Thu 09-Jun-16 18:41:08

Hey! You've done the best you can with what you had. I work PT as my DD is 10 months. I know I'll feel the same eventually but we've strong women doing what we need to. You're fab. Don't feel down x

BotBotticelli Thu 09-Jun-16 20:25:12

I work 4 days per week and both my boys are in nursery 4 days.

I don't need to work at all for financial reasons, because of my husbands income.

But I choose to work because:

- I have a good job which I enjoy, and which I worked hard for years to achieve.

- I enjoy working, and I enjoy spending time in a adults only place away from children and always thinking about the kids.

- I don't want my husband to feel the pressure of being the only earner. His job is a high paid but risky one (sales: if he doesn't sell enough he might just get fired one day!).

- quite frankly I would go mad if I was a SAHM, full time parenting just isn't for me.

- my salary added to my husbands means we can have nice holidays and nice things.

.....but j still feel guilty and doubt my choices sometimes. Not helped by the faces I get from in laws and others who don't understand my choices.

I am telling you this to say there's a million different ways of raising kids and people make all sorts of different choices about working/not working, PT/FT, nursery/CM for a zillion reasons including financial necessity or just personal preference. And we all feel guilty one way or the other. And I am sure most mums would feel a bit overwhelmed at the idea of their LO moving abroad (I would feel very proud and excited for them but also sniff! Don't go! Totally natural I think).

I am sure you were always "there"
For your kids in the ways that matter even if you were working for part of the day - you gave them a safe secure and happy home and they knew they were loved, right? Sounds like you did a grand job to me.

Millyonthefloss Thu 09-Jun-16 20:38:32

You must have given him a brilliant upbringing. How many 16 years have the self-confidence to make plans like that?

I was devastated when my ds left home. I got over it ... eventually.

Maybe it is sadness not guilt you are feeling.

Buut two years is a long time. He is very likely to change his plans smile

I work full time and my kids are also lovely btw (biased).

AristotleTheGreat Thu 09-Jun-16 20:45:34

There is another way you can look at it.
How many opportunities did your DC have that he would never had had if you hadn't worked?
What do you think you have taught them just by seeing you work and get on with life?
How much do you think your work have brought to the family? I'm not talking about money there but your own fulfilment, learning new things, friends etc... All that has also such a huge positive impact on children.

And how much time do you think you have spent with him doing 'nice things' if you hadn't worked? In my experience, not that much. When they are little, it's quickly feeling with time struggling to make them nap, then time to go and do the shopping (and struggling), time to do some sort of HW etc etc. And then they are at school so are spending a lot of time away from home anyway....

The most important thing, working or not, is to be present for yur child when you are there. It's about taking notice of all the lkkittle things, the ones that make them smile, the wonder, the grumbles, what makes then tick. It doesn't matter if you are working or not. What matters is the quality of your relationship with your child.

AristotleTheGreat Thu 09-Jun-16 20:46:53

Millie that's a very good point re the fantastic upbringing.

Surferjet Thu 09-Jun-16 21:33:59

Thank you all so much, you have really made me feel better about everything. & you're right, I'm sure if I'd been at home all day I wouldn't have spent hours making jam with dc ( he'd probably have been sat in front of CBeebies for 3 hours! )
I've done my best & worked hard to provide the best possible life for dc, I think I'm just sad he's no longer a child.
Thank you again for your kindness flowers

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