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Bonding with my 1 year old DD

(6 Posts)
Julia2016 Tue 31-May-16 12:30:37

I had my first baby at 35. Even though she was very much planned I got such a shock when she arrived. I was so fearful around her, eventually as things settled down I got into the swing of things. I adore her beyond words. The only thing is that she's not a cuddler, needy child, she's quite independent which in one way is great. I worry though that I didn't bond with her properly over my issues when she was born. I loved her, held her but it took me a while to feel comfortable and fully feel all the feelings.

I love picking her up now for cuddles but she's resistant most of the time and wants to be off, even if she is upset she isn't great to let me soothe her, she's happy I pick her up but that's it.

I guess I'm just asking is this normal and any tips on bonding some more with her?

Yours in not knowing what I'm at! smile

beginnersewer Tue 31-May-16 14:26:20

I think lots of toddlers are like this. Mine is 2 and a bit and if he sits on my lap without wriggling I know he's ill... He never ever falls asleep for his nap on me or anything. He is just starting to get to the stage of being a bit shy with new people, which is the first indication other than a bit of upset at nursery drop offs that he is actually quite fond of me!
So I doubt it's anything to do with you: I'm no expert at all but my understanding is that children with insecure attachments tend to be more clingy rather than less clingy. Your daughter sounds like she's confident enough to take you for granted. So it sounds to me like whatever feelings you may have had haven't affected her. How they might have affected you is maybe a different thing to consider. Does she like swimming? I used to find that an unusually cuddly experience because of having to hold him in the pool, although he now spends his entire time climbing up and down the steps at the side so it's less cuddly now than it used to be...

GrassW1dow Tue 31-May-16 17:04:56

totally ditto what beginners says. My DS (17mo) is the same. If he sits on my lap without wanting to wriggle off within 10 seconds tops, I wonder if he's ill or coming down with something.
He hardly ever stays still long enough for a cuddle. He'll occasionally lay his head down on my shoulder when I'm carrying him to the nappy changing table but that's about it (and then not for long)!

ecuse Tue 31-May-16 17:27:54

My 18mo (and her big sister was the same) will only sit on my lap if she's poorly!

Bryt Tue 31-May-16 17:52:15

My DD was not s cuddly baby or young child. She couldn't be cuddled to sleep and she was (and is) rarely still. But she's turned into a very cuddly teenager. She seeks me out daily for a hug or two. I think your DD sounds perfectly normal.

How about doing more action songs that allow closeness? I'm thinking this little piggy, round and round the garden, row row row your boat. These allow touching without restraining her.

Julia2016 Wed 01-Jun-16 10:16:00

It's good to know I'm not alone. I've a wriggler on my hands for sure, very hard to get her to sit on my lap. I try reading to her but she has none of it!

We tried swimming but I'm not sure she enjoyed it, she was about 10 months. I might try her again soon.

I'm trying to ensure I give her plenty of love where she lets me.

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