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3.5 yrs hitting/kicking, doesn't care

(16 Posts)
Ladyrainacorn Mon 30-May-16 19:21:44

My son is 3.5 and driving me insane. He kicks and hits me pulls my hair purposefully throughout the day if I seem upset he laughs. Nothing makes him stop I have recently started just locking him in another room until he apologises. It doesn't stop for long, it could happen as soon as he wakes up. I can't get him to do anything as soon as I seem angry he laughs at me and tries to anger me more by doing the opposite of what I've asked and/or hitting me /kicking me/headbutting/pulling my hair. I'm so sick of it and am starting to actually resent him now. WWYD?

Ladyrainacorn Tue 31-May-16 06:45:21

Everytime I post here no one replies.

SweepTheHalls Tue 31-May-16 07:04:03

I really don't think locking a 3 year old in another room us a good idea. Have you spoken to your Health Visitor about the difficulties you are having with him? There might be some parenting classes in your area?

Ladyrainacorn Tue 31-May-16 07:56:35

Locking him another room other people would call time out surely?

FusionChefGeoff Tue 31-May-16 07:59:29

What do you do for general rules / discipline? We find a firm and consistent method works for our DC - so a warning which clearly says what will happen if he carries on, then follow through on the consequence. It's very rare we actually have to do timeout or take toys / TV time away as he tends to stop at the warning now.

Maybe you could start from scratch, set out rules with him and then go hard for a week of consistent consequences every time he ignores a warning. Once he realises you mean business and that life is better when he behaves, hopefully he'll choose to listen.

Oh, and lots and lots of praise for good behaviour and also make sure you have cuddles and 'make up' after each consequence. If you are holding resentments and he picks up on that you could get 'Well, she's so cross and I'm in so much trouble now, I might as well be as naughty as I can' so it's important to deal with incidents as they happen and then move on and back to positivity as soon as possible.

Also does he go to nursery / pre-school? Could be worth having a chat with them to see what his behaviour is like in a different setting and what methods they use.

Good luck

SweepTheHalls Tue 31-May-16 09:23:09

Honestly, no I don't think locking in another room is the same as a time out. Would you find it acceptable for a nursery to lock you child in a room on their own? Calm, consistent with clear follow through of fair sanctions works in my experience. A warning, then time out for 3 minutes, restarting the clock as necessary, with an apology and cuddles at the end.

Ladyrainacorn Tue 31-May-16 14:29:29

Thank you FusionChefGeoff that's actually really helpful! SweepTheHalls where exactly do you put your child in time out if they won't stop hitting you?? I am right next to the door with him in there.

CodyKing Tue 31-May-16 15:04:52

You need to make sure every action has the same consequence - so he knows the choice he's making

Warning - then consequence

It should be immediate

Does he have lots of attention for good behaviour?

Ladyrainacorn Tue 31-May-16 15:22:54

Yes but often I can't give him attention all the time as I'm a single parent

Wolfiefan Tue 31-May-16 15:25:32

Not all the time. But lots of praise for good behaviour.
Don't get angry. It doesn't help. (I know. NOT easy!)
Each action has a consequence. Calm and clear. Consistent boundaries.

Ladyrainacorn Tue 31-May-16 15:35:02

Yes he gets loads if praise for good behaviour smile thank you - it making me angry is really why I can't cope and I guess not being able to cope is what's making me angry.

CodyKing Tue 31-May-16 16:29:08

Unfortunately mine were all badly behave end at 3 - it's quite normal -

You need deep breaths and lots of patience - do you get a break? Is he in pre school?

Ladyrainacorn Wed 01-Jun-16 13:01:59

I just took him out of nursery because the manager was suspended for verbally abusing him! No breaks, I'm counting on 4 yrs being better

Ladyrainacorn Wed 01-Jun-16 17:32:40

Thank you all, things have been much better today

mantlepiece Wed 01-Jun-16 17:35:43

Why did you take your son out of nursery? If they are observing challenging behaviours they will be able to help you devise strategies to work with.

When you are tired and worn down you will find yourself "firefighting", and not able to see the bigger picture. That is why you need another eye on the situation. They will also work with you and that can be a great relief, knowing you have support for yourself as well as your child.

Some children need tons of structure in their day, it will help you as well to do that as you will feel in control of the situation and enjoy time spent with your son. If you draw up an itinerary of activities to take you through the day this will keep him focused and you will be on hand to deflect him away from unwanted behaviours. This could break the negative cycle you are in.

The main thing is to get him back in nursery, Asap!

SweepTheHalls Thu 02-Jun-16 12:05:47

I out them on the bottom step of the stages and step into another room do I'm out of sight so they don't play up to an audience, and can't lash out again, but I can hear if I need to calmly place them back on the step and restart the 3 minutes if needed. Glad you had a better day.

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