Really angry 11 year old - please help

[queribus]

I'm looking for some help with my 11 yo dd. She seems to be so angry all the time. She's always been quite reserved, but does have friends at school. She does extremely well academically but outside interests are very limited - she hates joining in and team games/activities. She has become very defiant recently.

Is this just normal? Is it puberty and hormones? There seems to be an atmosphere in the house all the time and her poor younger brother seems bewildered by the constant arguments and tantrums.

Anyone help?

[Imnotagilmoregirl]

It's not really my age range tbh but didn't want to read and run!

Maybe you could spend a day with her doing a few one on one things, relaxing together and gently ask how she's feeling, is anything bothering her, etc?

It could well be hormones, maybe school stress, maybe lots of things. I remember going through a phase of point blank refusing to do PE and swimming due to the hair fairy paying a visit, was petrified someone would notice! Might be worth having a chat with her teachers, seeing if they've spotted anything?

I'm sure you've probably thought of all of these things and more!

[KindDogsTail]

I think eleven is an awkward age as I remember. I don't really know what to say but don't want to run either - full of sympathy and hate to think your daughter may be unhappy about something.

I think what Imnot says sounds the best place to start: spend some really nice days with her just the two of you, maybe doing something she chooses, where you stay really open and see what she may start to talk about.

If there are others in the family do some treat all together in addition so she feels cosy and secure.

[nuttymango]

Hormones, hormones and more hormones in my experience, we've been through it not so long ago.

Like somebody else said, try and do special things with her and reassure her that she's still loved no matter what.

[queribus]

Thanks for the replies. We've spent a couple of days doing stuff without ds and she seems more relaxed - could it be extreme sibling rivalry? Most of the temper seems to happen when ds is about (he's younger btw).

I think it's hormones and she's said she's not looking forward to secondary, would like to be in year 6 forever. I have spoken to her teacher about friendship issues which I thought t had been resolved, so might be worth another word after half term.

This growing up stuff is so much harder than babies and toddlers...

[KindDogsTail]

It's so nice to know you had that time together Queribus.
You can never go far wrong with special time, how ever difficult things are!

[Imnotagilmoregirl]

You're obviously doing the right things OP, keep going!

[queribus]

Thanks we managed a day out with ds as well today without too many arguments. She seems tired so maybe half term will do her good. Thanks for the help

[KindDogsTail]

How nice you all went out together.
Special days make everyone feel secure and have happy memories in the future.

She could well be very, very tired with lots of school pressure and changing hormones.

Good luck over half-term.