MIL

(5 Posts)
mumto1babyboy Wed 25-May-16 11:11:27

I'm a first time mum to my 7month old LB. I am lucky that both our family's live near by and can only be thankful that we both have family's who care very much for our little baby. BUT my MIL is pushing my limits (and I am the most placid of people!!) she asked me Yday if I can do and EXTRA day at work when I go back in June so she can my son for the day!! My day at work consists of a twelve hour shift!! I'm dreading leaving my son as it is for the two days I'm going back as it is and she knows this! How dare she say this!! If baby crys inconsolably when with her and he's looking at me she won't give him back to me! I don't know how to handle this without falling out BIG time!!

Jasperkiss5 Wed 25-May-16 11:25:15

Me and you could be the same person. I too have an unbearable mil with my 10 month old. Some things my husband doesn't agree on and it hurts because he so obviously takes her side as to not upset her. But some things I've pretty much said if you don't speak with her about this then it's our relationship that's on the line here. He has even moved out for 2 days because of our arguments over her. Anyway back to you....

I do think having to get someone else to tell them is a bit cowardly and may appear to then as if you're weak....but ultimately it is best coming your husband because otherwise things could get heated, she will naturally be on the defence anyway.

With regards to the baby crying when he's with her, it's hard and awkward I know (been there) but you need to just get up and take him back. You are his mummy. Why would you or should you sit there and ignore your baby when he is distressed? Do you think she felt awkward about taking her babies back when she was a mummy? No I doubt it.

Definitely get your husband to speak to her about the work thing though.

I tell you now, I'll be a mother in law one day and I just wouldn't behave the way yours and mine do. They are what you call - bitches.

lornathewizzard Wed 25-May-16 11:26:02

Is she looking after him the 2 days you are working? Is there any reason she can't look after him for the day occasionally even if you're not at work? You never know, you might he glad of the break, even for a few hrs.

sunnysunnysumertime Wed 25-May-16 11:31:22

I think this is a really common situation with MILs when a baby is born. Is your DS the first grandchild? It can happen with all the grandchildren but I think its often worse for the first one. It sounds like shes overexcited and head over heels in love with your DS so she just wants to hold him and spend more time with him. BUT this is not excuse to selfishly ignore you and your feelings or your DSs feelings (sometimes he just needs his mummy) and just do whatever she wants. You will need to teach her what is acceptable and what is not in terms of comments and behaviour. Often DILs are worried about upsetting the MIL. Dont be. Say it like it is politely and become increasingly firm if she doesn't listen first time. I would explain to your DP that you feel you need to start saying something about these things and get him on board to back you up with a few polite comments if needed ('DS needs his mummy please pass him over' 'That comment was a bit offensive mum, DP only wants to work 2 days for a reason; SHE wants to see DS'). I dont think you will fall out big time if you are polite. Maybe have a few polite phrases prepared for your next visit to MIL. If MIL chooses to make a big fuss about it even though you've been polite and reasonable then there is a bigger underlying problem with her and her attitude towards you that needs resolving. Good luck!

mumto1babyboy Wed 25-May-16 13:24:07

Thank you all for advice really helps and it's good to know I'm not alone feeling like this!!! XXXX

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