Tarot cards for a 6 year old?!(77 Posts)
So, my ex dropped off dd who is 6 after having her overnight, with a present. A pack of tarot cards. Now, without wishing to offend anyone or their beliefs, what does everyone think?
They are not kiddie style cards, and he's told her to pick one each day and it will tell her what her day will be like. So far she's picked "the devil" and "lovers"! I for one think she's too young for them and whilst I understand we're all different, I feel like she should only use them under the supervision of her dad who apparently is very much into them. Dd is asking me questions that I can't answer and also got a bit upset at the devil one, understandably.
I'm here because I have no end of trouble with ex anyway, is this worth a barney or not?
Any advice gratefully received!
Thanks, tbh I don't either, but I'm trying to find the line between respecting her other parent's beliefs and what's just too much for her. Glad it's not just me!
To me it sounds like a creepy way for him to try and influence her and her days without him, and an irresponsible way of sharing them - it looks like even enthusiasts don't recommend full access.
Best case scenario you could use them to explore ideas together I guess? At least then you'll know what he's filling her head with too.
However I think they're a load of nonsense and there are better obsessions a six year old could form to be attached to her dad...
I've just got them out and laid them on the table. Thank god she hasn't picked "death" yet! I can't understand why he thought this would be OK for her. She's a sensitive 6 year old as it is.
I think you might have to work out how to use them with her really if you're not keen on an argument with her dad (although I wouldn't rule that out TBH) as he's clearly not going to guide her helpfully.
At rock bottom it's the world of divination and astrology etc, so I feel instinctively reluctant and eye-rolley about it, the same as I do about religious stuff.
Maybe that's the key - his religion, his house? The only plus to you being involved a bit would be you might be able to temper her dad's influence - which I think is necessary if he's foolish enough to hand her a pack without any consideration or training.
Some people online suggest less than 1 "reading" a month for kids, others integrate them more, and lots of others think it's bollocks or dangerous.
This article offered one potential positive, where she says for example, 'Often her first question is “Is this a good card or a bad card?” To which I respond “how do you feel when you look at it?"' To me that suggests that you can use it to help a child explore their feelings and develop emotional intelligence. But even then there are better ways of doing it.
I hope someone more experienced than me comes along to comment though.
Urgh, what a jerk your ex is.
Thanks so much for the replies, I've had a little wander on the web, even the kid friendly decks I've seen are for ages 9+.
Tbh I think it's a subtle poke in my eye, he's trying to wind me up and make me the bad guy by refusing to let her have a present from her dad. As I said, I've had all sorts of bother with him, I appreciate at his house he and his partner use cards, and before he's sent dd home with crystals and dream catchers, I've never had a problem with them, it's harmless fun. But this is too far in my eyes, especially without any guidance.
He generally pushes my buttons from afar to cause a row and then refuse to have either of the kids every couple of months. I'll send them back to his house.
Thanks again for taking the time to reply x
It would definitely be reasonable to ask him to share the cards with her under his active guidance and supervision. I can't see how he could interpret that as disrespectful or being the bad guy.
It does sound like you may need to provide some balance to the ideas she'll get from her father. I'd definitely take this opportunity to talk to her about different views on religion, and that no-one has the definitive answer, even if they think they do.
She's perhaps still just a little young for Dawkins The Magic of Reality, but you could give it a go and if it doesn't interest her then just read it yourself and use it for ideas to mention in passing.
To me it sounds like a creepy way for him to try and influence her and her days without him
This, and I think he's trying to get to you.
I'd lose them somehow, and dependant on your beliefs, tell her they are a silly toy or something. Seems thoroughly inappropriate for such a young person. Is he even in to them himself?
... they're just picture cards... what's the problem???
just take out the devil ones if you don't like them. Otherwise, just change the deck into something like a story telling game.
Tarot isn't a real "thing"
Well to her dad and others it's a belief system so it IS a real thing.
I agree that there's no demon in the bits of paper or something. However, this isn't really "should I worry about tarot", it's more "how do I deal with her dad starting this stuff up without any care for how it's done" ... And telling his daughter to use them every day is starting a form of religious practice so that's different from "here are some playing cards".
But changing into a story telling game sounds useful - how would you do that Binary?
I'd get her to shuffle the deck, deal 3/4/5 cards and make a story out of them
e.g. if she got dealt The Sun, King & Cups and The Tower. - you could make up a story about a Wise King called Harold who lived in his tower wishing the sun would shine on his Kingdom everyday.
which deck does she have OP? Some are more 'scary' looking than other but I second PP's who said to learn about them yourself. If her dad is very much into them then she is going to come home with questions whether she has the cards or not. Get yourself a beginners book or look online. Plenty of free resources.
Death, for reference, is meant to symbolise change.
Take out the ones you deem inappropriate or maybe purchase a set you feel suitable. www.amazon.co.uk/Chakra-Wisdom-Oracle-Cards-Transforming/dp/1780287518/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&qid=1463997768&sr=8-4&keywords=oracles+cards these have a much more positive message albeit not traditional tarot cards.
I do worry if you put your foot down and refuse to let your DD explore this then her dad will be more pushy with other things.
fwiw I collect tarot decks (love the artwork on them) I have one set framed, just the major arcana, with the 'scary' death and devils cards. My DC have played with and handled them without any ill effects but you have to be informed yourself just like with any religious practice.
Treat it as you would religion. "Some people believe that..." etc. But let her understand very well that this is not what you (or even most adults) believe.
Maybe even influence her day to go the opposite of what the card she gets in the morning would have her believe. It predicts a terrible day? Make sure she has great fun. Let her draw her own conclusions.
Why on earth should she treat it as a religion? Bin them. Tell your child that they are not suitable for children- show her the age recommendations on the ones you've googled if you like.
And tell her dad that you don't want her exposed to superstitious nonsense.
If he believes in tarot cards then he believes in the occult. Who on earth would want to involve their 6 year old in the dangers of something like this?
I personally think it is dangerous to mess around with anything you don't understand.
"If he believes in tarot cards then he believes in the occult. Who on earth would want to involve their 6 year old in the dangers of something like this?
I personally think it is dangerous to mess around with anything you don't understand."
It's not dangerous because there is anything real or dangerous about the occult. It is dangerous because he could use it to control her, and people who believe in this sort of crap are not very good at thinking.
Tbh you can't stop him exposing her to them there.
In your position I would say "Obviously its a gift and its your choice what yoi do with them. Personally i think they are a lot of superstitious nonsense. I'm not keen on them, what do you think?. I'm happy to spend a little time talking about what worries me about them and what I would be worried about if you had them.... well there is rather a lot of them and I wouldn't want to lose them so how about we put them straight back in the bag here to go back to Daddy's"
Tbh it would probably help if you had a resonably good idea of what they are about. I'd Google the history of them (they are a comparatively modern invention with not a long history). The lovers is more about choices than love. The death card about phases of life ending ending which can be a decidedly good thing. The devil is quite a negative card but on an anecdotal level and to reassure her i would point out that it is good for marriage.
I would be talking about why people want to know the future and why it can be a bad thing (the ideas of self fulfilling prophecy). I would throwing back the questions like what if you thought it said something bad was going to happen but you read it wrong. Open up the discussion to questions about confidence, about how when things are going back we often want reassurance and look for that in religion tarot the people around us.
Guide her to forming her own opinions and learning about boundaries and how a good relationship is about respecting boundaries (I dont like tarot cards so having tarot cards here isnt showing any respect for me, by my putting them in a bag to go back I am showing him respect while still keeping my boundaries). Beyond the whole tarot cards thing, If he is a dad who doesn't respect her boundaries she will need this more than anything else. She will need to learn how to formulate her own judgement on things.
It's hard to do when she is six and probably will take a good many years yet
"Why on earth should she treat it as a religion? Bin them."
Because she doesn't want to cause problems with the XH. It seems to be important to him and rubbishing it directly will probably do exactly that.
"he believes in the occult. Who on earth would want to involve their 6 year old in the dangers of something like this? I personally think it is dangerous to mess around with anything you don't understand."
"The occult" doesn't exist so "messing around" with it is going to bring zero benefit or danger.
Same as with religion. I would not be happy if DC were introduced to religion when they are not with me but if there is nothing I can do about it (as in, when they are with an ex) then my strategy will be to
undermine minimise its credibility in their eyes.
How much space do they take up, laid out? could you put them out as a set and frame them, so she sees the present that her dad gave her, but in a less difficult way? You could put the lovers and death as top left and top right then hang it on the wall so they're less visible. I can't imagine what my 6 year old would think being given tarot cards. He'd probably ask to make a house of cards with them.
Because in your DCs eyes you and their Dad are equal parents,
even when they are being a shit if you both dig your heels in without offering an understandable real as on why (eg "I'm throwing out the cards""how dare your mum throw out your cards") your DC are just going super confused and not trust either of you. In the worst cases this distrust will spread to other adults.
Today it will be tarot cards, tomorrow something else. Start teaching respect for boundaries and how to set and maintain your own and it will help with whatever is next.
I'd be tempted to send back to your ex "May I suggest you keep the taro cards at your house as they are clearly precious I wouldn't want to be responsible for them being lost or broken"
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