Help, I just said something stupid to ds who's 4

[midlifehope]

Had a lovely busy day out in the forest today, trip to the shops, to soft play and home to watch a bit of tele. I'm totally exhausted. Tried to get ds to be about 7.30 he was crying out of tiredness but not letting go of the day. I am freaking exhausted by this point. On my knees. DS gets out of bed and comes down fucking around about 10 times. By 8.45pm he's still doing it, in kitchen emptying out my shopping bags on the floor saying he's hungry (he's been offered food all day and eaten very little, and has had a large flask of hot milk, a sandwhich and apple before bed). Read a story to him. Still no luck. In the end I said something really silly, but kind of honest how he was making me feel; "I need a rest. If you don't go to bed, I feel like I am going to die and then you won't have a mummy.' Then he finally went to sleep. Fucking stupid thing to say, but I felt in pain with tiredness..... Feel utterly shit now. Gave him a lovely day out, all centred around him and ended like this. :( :( :( why the hell did I say that? I was so desperate, so so desperate. Feel like a crap mother.

[justonesherryformedicinalpurpo]

Aw don't beat yourself up. You're only human. It's hard being a mum so we're bound to come out with silly things at times. He's probably so tired he's forgotten all about it

[midlifehope]

I really hope so Justonesherryformedicinalpurpo (love that username)

[ApologiesToInsectLife]

When he wakes up in the morning apologise and explain that you said something because you were so tired but you didn't mean it. Don't assume he'll have forgotten it. I'm a great believer in saying sorry to my kids if I say or do something stupid out of desperation.

[midlifehope]

yes, I will do that for sure Apologies. I do often say sorry if I have got angry or something like that (not that that happens often).

[justonesherryformedicinalpurpo]

Ha ha thanks! Just a pity I can't fit the whole line in!

[justonesherryformedicinalpurpo]

And good points about apologising actually. My LO is only 18m so nothing like that this end yet but I'll take that on board when the time arises!

[midlifehope]

I think I need a tipple!

[kiki22]

One of my most used lines to DS also 4 is if you don't go to bed I might have a breakdown and go crazy I'm so tired, its true... if I don't say things like this he won't have anything to tell his therapist about

[midlifehope]

kiki22 they do drive us to the edge don't they?

[kiki22]

Oh yes I'm not even trying to pretend to ds I'm Mary Poppins he knows I make mistakes and get fed up

[queenofthepirates]

There's a great kids' book called 'We are wearing out the naughty step' by Mick Inkpen where the mum goes a little crazy and eats all the cake then puts herself on the naughty step. It's really funny and might calm your fears-we all go a little crackers sometimes (as attested by my 5yo DD muttering 'oh FFS' under her breath).

[kiki22]

Oh my big shouting day I think its called is good too the little girl is a brat all day but gets a good sleep and is happy the next day... We read it a lot lol

[RedOnHerHedd]

I always used to say "mummy is really tired and needs to go to sleep, if mummy doesn't have enough sleep, I'll be grumpy. Would you rather a fun mummy or a grumpy one?"

Hugs to you, we all say silly things every now and then. Explain and apologise. I would also explain that you didn't mean you would actually die. It's like when we say we are starving hungry and we're not actually starving.

[Eternity12]

Hi there. Just wanted to say that I think we are all guilty of saying things we know we shouldn't. I know I am. Try not to feel too bad, being a parent is the hardest thing ever and when you're in the moment it's extremely hard to step back sometimes. I said once that mummy was so tired that mummy might have to go and live somewhere else for a couple of days!!! Felt awful but it just came out because all my buttons were being pushed and I was exhausted!! Anyway let it go I'm sure you're a fantastic mum and just trying your best like the rest of us xxx

[ProfessorPickles]

The other night DS was up to similar to yours OP! And because he was exhausted he lashed out at me a bit, and I said "you don't smack your mummy because you only get one and if you're not kind she'll run away and never come back", I said it in a half jokey way but he burst into tears saying "don't run awayyyyyy".

I felt awful

[midlifehope]

Thanks, these are really helping :)
He seems to have woken up today with no recollection, so hopefully he was too delirious to remember what I said! Fingers crossed.