Six year old who always defaults to "it's not fair"

[HappySeven]

Does anyone have any tips on how to deal with my 6 year old DD whose response to most things is "it's not fair"?

E.g.If she sees her brother with an ice cream she will immediately say this. I've tried to encourage her to say "please can I have an ice cream, too?" instead but she vehemently sticks to her line that she's hard done by. She complains about everything even that he has more of his friends at after school club (not sure what she thinks I can do about that). I don't like this "me, me, me" trait and worry that it will make her very unhappy long term.

Any tips how I can change this?

[TheDowagerCuntess]

The sense of 'fairness' is a bit of a developmental thing which I think kicks in around now. Of course, some adults do have a very heightened sense of 'fairness', but you know what I mean.

Mine are 5 and 7, so it's a fairly regular battle in our house.

I do try to make things as fair as possible, but of course it's not always possible.

Sometimes you have to be a bit quick on your feet, and remind them of a time they had something that the other didn't. That usually works with mine.

I do try to gently instill that life isn't always perfectly fair, and that 'fairness' doesn't always mean 'exactly the same'. Yes, your brother had an ice-cream, but you had a friend round to play yesterday / birthday party / fun thing at school that he didn't, right?

Just explain that sometimes we get extra nice things, and sometimes we miss out, but it always evens out in the wash - downplay, downplay, smile+cuddle, swiftly move on.

My Mum was an expert in gentle downplaying and moving on - I always take a leaf out of her book.

[HappySeven]

Thanks, Dowager, it's good to hear it is a stage. My DS never did it but then he is the eldest and so had no one to think had had a better deal and he's a very laid back boy who rarely worries about things (takes after DH).

I think I've been concerned as my DM says 'he's just like my brother was' and at 78 he's still like it. Hopefully she'll grow out of it and I'll just keep reminding her of how to ask nicely and the things she has had.