Worrying about everything!(3 Posts)
Hi, I had my first child ten weeks ago and have become the mother I never thought I would be. I feel an overwhelming sense of guilt as this is supposed to the happiest time of my life but I feel low and cry most of the time. I worry if I'm doing enough for my son, that he's developing okay, the health visitor says he's thriving. But even that I worry that he's gaining too much weight and is too long. Some people say that he looks big for ten weeks: he's just above the 25th centile and has been from birth. He was 7lb 6oz at birth and has jumped up to 11lb 12oz already- this seems loads?! I'm wasting this precious time in our lives with my worrying and miserable attitude. My partner and I are becoming distant because I won't leave our son with anyone, even for an hour as I'm scared that he'll prefer them to me (it sounds ridiculous I know!) We barely talk because I just want to sleep when little one goes down at night. My partner says that he wants the woman he met back because I've not been myself. I don't do "me" time because I feel guilty for that, even going for a shower fills me with guilt. I just worry how much more I have to give. Any advice?? Sorry for the rant!
My DCs are ten and twelve so it's a long time since I was at this stage, but a lot of what you are saying sounds familiar. I never did "me time" either, I remember bursting into tears when someone offered to babysit, I couldn't imagine being parted from my baby. It does pass but it feels like forever at the time. Do you have any support from other new mums, meet at baby groups etc? My ante-natal class were a lifesaver for me. Also it might be worth talking to your health visitor or GP, it's a fine line between normal, overwhelmed new parent feelings/hormones and post-natal depression. You've just undergone the most massive shift and things are never quite the same again, but you find a new normal.
Probably not what you want to hear but I am feeling exactly the same again now with pre-teens, hormones, friendships, school. I came over to the parenting board tonight because that's how I'm feeling. But it hasn't been like this all along, most of the time things are great and my DCs are amazing.
You sound just like me. I was constantly worrying and stressing. My DD is now 14 months and I am still worrying (why isn't she walking?!)
I had pnd (not saying you do) and that did make it worse.
I have a very supportive DH who though couldn't understand why I worried as much understood that was how I was feeling and supported me.
I did feel better when I had an hour or two to myself however I needed to decided when that was and no one else. Don't feel pressured to leave baby until you feel ready.
It's hard and relentless but you are doing great. Trust that. Talk to HV about how you are feeling/any worries they've hear it before and will help/support where necessary.
Maybe you should sit down with your partner and be frank with how your feeling?
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