Nursery drop off(16 Posts)
DS (18 months) has been going to nursery two mornings a week for the last 6 or 7 weeks.
Every single time I have dropped him off he has had a complete meltdown and I feel just dreadful. He is happy enough when I go to collect him and he appears to have had an enjoyable time while he's there.
I try and prepare him every morning we go and I tell him mummy is coming back etc, but I don't know what to do to make it better for him.
My other concern is to do with out 'bond' as someone told me that the crying etc suggested a negative bond with me (but didn't elaborate!) so that doesn't help!!!
Any advice (particularly on the bond point)?
I think your person is muddled. It is generally thought that they cry because the bond is strong. Which makes more sense.
I think he will get used to it eventually. Is it his first childcare? Does he need to go?
Oh phew!! That's what I thought, but she is a teacher and was spouting all manner of child psychology that sounded like she knew what she was talking about!!
Yes it's his first childcare. Technically, no he doesn't need to go, but we have no family locally so it's my only break to do house etc and DC2 is due in 2 months so we thought it would be good for him to have some continuity when it was here.
Is he settling after you've gone?
Both my DC did this for a while when they started nursery. Wailing as if they would be abandoned forever in a terrible place when they were dropped off.
The staff assured me that they were fine within a few minutes of me leaving, fine all day etc.
The thing that really convinced me that they were okay, was being able to see this for myself - the nursery had a window from the baby room into the corridor. So I would drop off a screaming child, go out the door, down the corridor and look through the window - at a calm DC being cuddled by a nursery worker.
I'm a childminder and crying at drop off us perfectly normal. It's a reaction to your DS knowing that you will be doing other things for a while not necessarily that he doesn't enjoy his time at nursery. Have you asked how long he takes to settle? I have had children who cry while their parent is here but literally stop crying and start playing happily within a few seconds of the door closing. Is there a window you can subtly look through to watch how he settles after you leave?
Don't feel bad about it. A couple of mornings a week is not very much really and it gives you a bit if free time and your DS some new experiences.
I know it definitely lasts longer than seconds after me leaving as I can still hear him wailing as I cross the car park (he's very bloody loud!), but they tell me he calms down quickly and is always calm and playing when I collect him.
I'm so pleased to hear that I'm not alone. I just want him to be happy and to feel secure (which is really the reason to send him, so when the new baby comes there is somewhere he can go to feel 'normal'!)
And tbh I am really relishing my 'mornings off' at the moment!!
DS1 was exactly like this!
All I can say is he eventually grew out of it and now runs up the ramp into his nursery, shouting his key worker's name!
That's nice to hear. Undoubtedly I'll be distraught when he starts doing that <contrary>!
Does he settle when you leave if so I wouldn't worry! Also can someone else drop him off to see if he is the same. My daughter now 8 cried every morning I dropped her off for 3.5 yrs. she didn't cry when daddy dropped her off and she also ran to a window as soon as I walked out the door and waved, tear free - little monkey!!
Yes he settles quite quickly so I understand so I think he's ok.
His daddy will leave him when the baby comes but that will be WAAAAAAY worse than me dropping him, he gets upset when his daddy leaves the room!
We were hoping he'd settle in and be loving it by then....!!
We've found that changing the conversation helped. Rather then being about is leaving and seeing then later talking about what they are going to do:/see. it helps if they have a good keyworker, so yesterday we went to nursery to show keyworker new shoes and it seemed to work. Maybe worth a try
My DS was really bad for this.
We got round it by getting him used to the moment of parting, which was why he was upset. So every time we left a room, we would make a fuss of saying goodbye, how long we were going for (back in a minute, see you in a little while, tomorrow) and wait for him to say bye back. There was a noticeable change overnight and after two weeks it had stopped.
Also, it's helpful if you know there are people he's particularly happy with at the nursery and you can arrange to drop him off when they are there, talk to him about them that kind of thing.
Thank you I will try that. He's currently just a little too young for proper explanations although I try, but it all goes out the window once we arrive.
I think my biggest concern was that bond point. That he was insecure in me or something. I truly hope that isn't the case.
Absolutely not luckystar - you could say on one hand he just isn't sure enough that you're going to come back, yes, but on the other you could say he is upset because he wants to stay with you! I know in my son's case it became as much a habit as anything, and I didn't feel our bond was stronger when the crying stopped. He's maybe just a little sensitive and that's no bad thing.
Thank you that makes me feel a lot better. He's such a gorgeous little pain in the arse that I would hate to think I'm doing anything to affect our relationship.
I think he's just a bit headstrong (no bad thing in my book!) and can't understand that on this particular subject he won't get his own way.
My DS goes through stages of this. I found letting him take in things from home helps, lately his big backpack. He started showing it to his key worker as soon as we went through the door.
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