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Shouting....feel guilty help!

(7 Posts)
pjsgalore Thu 12-May-16 21:18:52

Ugh feeling major guilt tonight over shouting, which I try so hard not to do (I read the book Buddhism for Mothers on a regular basis FFS!), but sometimes it literally feels impossible - ie having to tell my 5yo DS for the 10th time not to splash his 3yo sister in the face in the bath, or to go upstairs to get ready for bath etc. Or to please put shoes on so we can not be late for school etc etc etc.

So I occasionally just, well, SHOUT. And most days I think this is normal (please tell me it is...) but today I feel terrible because over the past two days my DD (3) keeps saying to me, "Are you good? Are you good? Or are you cross?" And nervously looks at if I'm a terrifying person! And today I've only shouted once at bathtime.

Now I feel maybe I've scarred her! Unlike my DS (who's great but much more of a handful) she's such a good girl...and it's horrible to think if I shout in front of her (or at her) she's nervous. Should I vow to try never ever to raise my voice again? Or will she just learn that sometimes people lose their temper?? Any tips on not shouting? Or anything to assuage the guilt? Or just anyone who feels the same way? Or anyone want to just say shut up that's a ridiculous first-world problem? Aaaaargh!!!

parrotonmyshoulder Thu 12-May-16 21:35:19

I feel the same with mine - they're 3&6. I work full time in a job that requires a huge amount of patience, and sometimes (guilt-provokingly) don't have too much left for teeth cleaning and tidy up time.

My 3 year old asks 'do you love me, mummy?' if I'm the slightest bit cross. It breaks my heart. The 6 year old has some anxiety and I want to be helping with that, not adding to it.

I re-read the Laura Markham book last week and I'm committing myself to being the parent I want to be. I haven't raised my voice for a week now, and it's been a lot easier. I know I'll get cross with them and will sometimes shout, but I think I'd got into a rut of doing that too much, feeling a bit sorry for myself and resentful of my lack of time.

They've been much more cooperative, happier and played better together this week. I'm finding more to enjoy in them too.

goodenoughmum88 Thu 12-May-16 21:35:24

Don't feel bad. I also try and be laid back and explain everything but sometimes my 3.4 year old, 7 month old, pmt and sleep deprivation get the better of me. Then I apologise, say I get fed up of asking again and again, that sometimes I get cross too etc. they need to know we're not infallible perfect beings (like them) but that arguments don't mean I don't love them more than anything. We always hug/make up and get on.

Then they go to bed and I do some exercise/rant with family/have some wine! Xxx

MrsMarigold Thu 12-May-16 21:42:18

I feel the same mine are also 5 and 3. I hate myself and my DS hates shouting but I struggle not to shout because I just repeat the same things over and over, I'm bored of myself. No real solutions, but recently I ask if they've heard me rather than say the same thing again and count from twenty to zero to give them time to start the task - it's helping a bit but my DS (5 year old is so dreamy but also into everything) today he was slicing bread for a honey sandwich - cue: knife and honey on the floor.

parrotonmyshoulder Sun 15-May-16 19:12:15

Crap at taking my own advice. I've felt really shouty today. DH at work so a weekend on my own with them, which shouldn't be a problem. But I've found DD (6) a real struggle - she is so jealous of her little brother and very argumentative with me. Usually I can rise above it but haven't today. She says how I hurt her feelings, make her feel sad etc.

I'm trying to do a positive and nice story time before bed. I always do story. But I feel like it's been a wasted weekend. Ugh.

MrsMarigold Tue 17-May-16 14:54:12

Hope today has been better parrot. My DD drove me to distraction this morning.

parrotonmyshoulder Wed 18-May-16 06:38:07

I've had two good days -but I've been at work! Have been making a very conscious effort not to be remotely grumpy at pick up time (after childminder) and that's been much nicer. Evening and bed has been nice too.

How have you been?

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