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how do you manage if your parenting differs with your partner

(11 Posts)
wildlingtribe Thu 05-May-16 17:19:11

So we've been together ten years, four kids aged 5,4,2,2weeks).

I feel that lack of communication his end doesn't help for example.

4yo has been very testing today with running off across the school, and dp comes home before getting in the door giving them all a chocolate. And 2yo didn't eat dinner. Again. And they're being taken to the park. So I've spent two hours telling off and daddy comes home all happy, stress free with chocolates and park. Oh and newborn hasn't slept today, they've just woke her up again! There goes my five mins

NickyEds Fri 06-May-16 16:51:40

No answers just sympathy. My dp is just the same, all chocolates and cake and I'm always the bad cop. It's annoying. My particular gripes are dummies (he just let's our 2 year old have his whenever he likes), TV (no restrictions), walking and bedtime. Dp will pick ds up and carry him whenever he doesn't feel like walking any more, and this has made getting about with him on my own a fucking nit are as he always wants to be carried. Dp indulges (even bloody instigated)messing about at bedtime, just getting an inch more milk, an extra story but our ds has always been excellent at going to bed and it's all so bloody unnecessary. I don't know what the answer is. I've blown my top this week as dp constantly plays wrestling games with ds. Ds then "plays" them with dd who is only 10 months and she invariably gets hurt so I asked dp over over and over to stop it but I walk in again last night to him rolling about on the floor with him and only just held my temper.

How fucking hard is it? No dummy when not sleeping. Don't just randomly have the TV on No wrestling. Either walk nicely or go in the buggy. Aargh. And breathe.

applesvpears Sat 07-May-16 00:00:04

It's even worse when it's step children 'none of my business' apparently !

TrappedByTiredness Sat 07-May-16 00:08:55

Ugh, another one who has no answers but just sympathy because it drives me round the bend sometimes!

BertieBotts Sat 07-May-16 00:13:56

IME, this is a relationship issue, not a parenting issue. You have to be able to communicate about differences of opinion about approach. Likewise it's really disrespectful of him to undermine your efforts and leave you all the shitwork while he takes the fun bits. Especially if it's creating more work. Either he's unaware (in which case, spectacularly unobservant!) Or he just doesn't care which would make him a bit of a prick TBH.

If it's genuinely a difference of opinion - fair enough it IS worth trying another approach sometimes - can he deal with the fallout? Is he prepared or does he think that you'll manage it?

Can you talk about how it's making things harder on you? What would he say?

Eastie77 Sat 07-May-16 01:50:42

Sympathies OP. I was going to start a similar thread about DP. He drives me round the bend as he insists on treating DD as if she is a complete baby. She is almost 3 so I know she is still tiny but DP...

- Carries her everywhere even though she is perfectly capable of walking and has not used the buggy with me or childminder for over a year
- Caves whenever she cries that she wants 'to be a baby'. This started soon after DS was born. I have expressed milk for DS and left both kids with DP only to arrive home and find he has given the milk to DD in a baby bottle (leaving DS hungry FFS) because she demanded it. It drives me insane. It is almost as if he does not want her to grow upconfused
-Spoonfeeds her when she is perfectly capable of feeding herself.

Just 3 examples. I could go on. It is all so annoying. He also disregards bedtime (will suggest taking her to the park at 8pm when she is deliriously tired!) and plays rough and tumble games with her late in the evening which makes it hard to settle her. I have told him it would be easier for me to be a single parent.

NickyEds Sat 07-May-16 06:16:43

What is it with the walking thing?? Loads of mums I know say that their dh/p pick their dc up all of the time rather than just making them walk or go in the buggy. This one really bugs me because ds used to be such a good walker and where we live there are some lovely little walks, we used to go on one a couple of times a week. Now they are invariably disrupted with ds crying to be carried.

NickyEds Sat 07-May-16 06:19:53

I don't know about you op but I do talk to dp about it, sometimes at length, including my reasons. He's all ears and agreement but when push comes to shove he just choses the path of least resistance.

Eastie77 Sat 07-May-16 14:42:15

Yes the crying to be carried is so frustrating.

DD is absolutely fine walking when it's just me or her CM. She actually really enjoys it and likes having a little run around, jumping up and down steps etc.

Whenever DP is around she instantly begins crying for him to pick her up. He carries her home from the childminder - a 25 minute walk - and then complains that his back hurts etchmm

Until a few months ago he actually used to carry her from room to room in our tiny flat. She would sit in the front room and demand to be carried to the bedroom (5 steps away) and he would comply.

I have told him that I feel days out with the kids are ruined when he comes along because of DD's constant whining for him to carry her and he has enabled this behaviour. When I take the kids out on my own she behaves completely differently.

Eastie77 Sat 07-May-16 14:43:49

Yes it's the path of least resistance - or lazy parenting as I prefer to call it. DP cannot stand to see her cry and can't be bothered to implement strategies to overcome her meltdowns so he just caves.

Dellarobia Sat 07-May-16 16:18:50

Have you tried talking to your DP about it at a neutral time, ie not when it's actually happening, and in a calm 'let's solve this together' way?

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