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Normal to feel touchy about it?

(22 Posts)
Pixienott0005 Wed 04-May-16 18:00:52

DH cousin who he is very close with, like a sister really, asked us to visit a couple of weeks ago.

Literally travelled 300 miles to get there and while there I felt she was quite critical of how we are with our son.

I won't list all of the things she said that got my back up, but some things are:

Sitting there and sniggering literally under her breath, then bursting out laughing and saying 'oh my god the way you talk to him is SO gay'. Then sniggering and looking over towards the tv. She said this To me and then again later to DH. The way we talk is pretty normal when talking to 2 year old. I think I was simply talking to him about one of his toy cars.

Anyway, again sniggering under her breath for 10 seconds then saying 'you guys crack me up man' each time I asked her whys that then, she replied 'just do', 3 times! The whole time she was saying that she was looking at the wall instead of my face. Then when I asked her again for a final time, she said its all a joint effort for you both' (referring to me trying to feed son in a tiny chair, not a high chair, and DH wiping his face) again sitting there biting her nails and looking at the wall instead of at me and literally sniggering.

This person is known for speaking her mind and has in the past been really rude to many people but just gets away with it really as people just say 'that's her you can't change it'. Not interested in changing her, Id just like to give her a slap grin

There were a few other things but those 2 are the things that irritated me more so though. I have banter with my friends but I wouldn't sit there sniggering and say that they sound 'so gay' in the way they talk to their baby or toddler. And if I felt compelled to do that i would look them in the eye and actually act like I'm making an effort talking to them instead of chewing my nails smerking and looking at a blank wall.

Are these sorts of comments normal with you and any of your friends or family? Or does this sound bitchy?

PovertyPain Wed 04-May-16 18:06:03

She sounds like she's a jealous fucker. It's really isn't you, it's her. What did your husband say? I certainly wouldn't be going back to visit her any time soon. Is she twelve. What a dick.

Pixienott0005 Wed 04-May-16 18:10:33

She's 36. I just felt incredibly judged the entire time. Husband said its chit chat but then agreed after me explaining what she has actually been like and making me feel like, that she is a bitchy person. Which I knew anyway!

daisywhoopsie Wed 04-May-16 18:13:56

Wow, I was expecting her to be a great deal younger.

A 36 year old describing anything at all as 'so gay' is not normal IMO.

hmmmum Wed 04-May-16 18:16:26

She sounds awful, I wouldn't ever want to spend time with her again if I were you. Why does she feel the need to put you down and make you feel embarrassed? Not normal behaviour.

JonSnowsBeardClippings Wed 04-May-16 18:18:08

Wow! What a rude bitch. Don't bother visiting her again!

Pixienott0005 Wed 04-May-16 18:19:40

Oh another thing was 'you two play with him all day, no wonder you can't get your 'job 'done.

1. I don't play with my son all day, never have.

2. I've never implied, ever, that I can't get 'my jobs' done. Apart from saying wow your house is so much cleaner than mine, which it is.

Pixienott0005 Wed 04-May-16 18:20:40

Thing is she's a huge part of DH life and we have to see her whether we visit her or not. I hate how she made me feel all weekend.

Pixienott0005 Wed 04-May-16 18:24:12

And obviously she was normal as well and nice at other times during the weekend but those comments are out of order right and the way she went about them?

NannawifeofBaldr Wed 04-May-16 18:28:30

In which case Pixie just pick her up (politely) every single time she makes a rude comment.

If she's 'known for speaking her mind m' she should be able to cope with some feedback.

Iggi999 Wed 04-May-16 18:37:04

She is 16, no way is she 36.
I wouldn't put up with homophobic language in my classroom or my sitting room. <raises a cross eyebrow>

Daisyandbabies Wed 04-May-16 19:28:16

Wow, she sounds very immature. Does she have kids? She sounds like a 16 year old who doesn't have kids or someone a little older who is jealous of people with kids

knittingbee Wed 04-May-16 20:00:07

Really? 'So gay'? Nope, that's a fucking hideous, homophobic phrase and I wouldn't be having it. As others have said, she should be able to take it if she can dish it. Look her straight in the eye and ask her if she's 12 or something.

uhoh2016 Wed 04-May-16 21:34:30

I take it she doesn't have any children of her own to come out with such insensitive and bollocks comments

Pixienott0005 Wed 04-May-16 22:40:46

Nope no children. Can't concieve. But it's no excuse to act like a twat. Plus she's always been like that. I mean why can't a person maintain eye contact for more than 4 seconds? It's really odd.

Iggi999 Wed 04-May-16 23:36:37

How did you accept her speaking like that though? If you don't challenge it you're condoning it imo.

EricaPrimrose Wed 04-May-16 23:43:08

All of her traits you've described, especially the lack of eye contact/staring at the wall, make it sound like she Autistic. My DH has adult friends who are really similar who have Aspergers. They simply don't get social queues sometimes, and need reminding/telling when they've said something super rude.
Luckily me and DH have both known them a long time, so it's not unusual behaviour us.
Obviously don't recommend making excuses for her actions or suddenly diagnosing her with Autism, just something to keep in mind maybe?

squizita Thu 05-May-16 10:50:56

Sitting there and sniggering literally under her breath, then bursting out laughing and saying 'oh my god the way you talk to him is SO gay'. Then sniggering and looking over towards the tv

That sounds really nasty and bullying. Vicious almost.
I'm afraid her behaviour doesn't sound like it's neurological to me - as it's so acutely nasty and spiteful, calculated even. (I'm very mildly neurodiverse and struggle with eye contact, so am being subjective). I think she cannot look at you because she knows she's being a bitch and doesn't care.

I'd be fuming.

squizita Thu 05-May-16 10:54:09

If she's 'known for speaking her mind m' she should be able to cope with some feedback.

Also THIS X 100. People who 'say it like it is' only have the so called, self declared right to if they can take it back. Otherwise they're just lazy, rude, hypocritical folk who cannot take a few minutes to consider how to phrase what they say appropriately.

nephrofox Thu 05-May-16 11:11:26

She's clearly trying to undermine you and your parenting. Basically saying that you're going OTT and doing more than necessary / becoming a mummy bore etc. Does she have kids? I would think jealousy is at the root of it

Pixienott0005 Thu 05-May-16 20:24:58

Glad to know it's not the norm to say to family or friends.

Next time I see her it won't be at her house miles away on her terms. so any further criticism about what I do with my son wint be received how she will expect. But she's ones of these people who literally don't care.

RupertPupkin Thu 05-May-16 20:32:09

She sounds dreadful. How assertive are you, because I'd bore holes into her face with my eyes and ask her to explain each and every comment.

And agree with the comments about people who "tell it like it is". Just an excuse to be obnoxious.

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