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daughter wants to meet absent father....HELP

(2 Posts)
heatm002 Tue 03-May-16 09:54:16

Good morning.
Little bit of background story: I had my daughter at the age of 19 after a very brief meeting with her father. We didn't really ( or at all if I'm honest) know each other and things got increasingly tense between us with him being bullying and sometimes aggressive towards me, which caused unimaginable stress on myself and left me on an emotional roller-coaster for a good while, feeling anxious, venerable and terrified of him. all contact was broken while i was pregnant. After her birth, he saw her once when she was under a week old. After this, the unreasonable demands started as well as the aggression and bullying and I felt very threatened again. For various reasons his contact with my daughter didn't carry on.
Fast forwarding to today, my daughter is five years old. She is such a happy, bright and enthusiastic child and I am so proud of who she has become. Recently she has been asking questions about her father. only small things like why haven't I got a dad? where is he? what's his name? and then yesterday she asked if she could meet him....
I am trying to hard to be as honest as I can to her without bitching about him or saying anything negative as I don't think this would be helpful in the long run. I'm in very much uncharted territory and have no idea where I'm going next. What do I say to her? Do I contact him? How can I deal with this situation?
Please help, advice is very much welcome...thanks for reading.


coffeeisnectar Tue 03-May-16 11:01:48

Do you think that he would bring anything good to your daughters life?

If not then I wouldn't contact him.

As for your daughter I would just say that you and her dad didn't get on well and that's why you aren't together and that it's not possible for her to see him right now. If she asks why then just say that you don't know where he is or that he doesn't want to be a dad at the moment.

It's really hard and I went through the same with my eldest. She's nearly 18 and has no interest in finding her biological father. She's not seen him since she was 2 and as far as she's concerned is not worth having in her life.

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