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Divorced & taking kids

(6 Posts)
Jwilks87 Sun 01-May-16 21:22:23

Hi all, forgive me for my lack of use of the lingo, I'm new to this. I just want to present a situation and hear from anyone who has been In this situation and what the process and outcomes were. Here goes.

My partner and his ex wife have two kids, 5 and 3. They split up 2.5 years ago and we have been together for 2 years (I wasn't the reason for the break up, she had another man). Although the seperation wasn't nice and they cannot get on, the kids have spent equal time with each parent. Arrangement is a week with mum, dad has 1 contact night for tea and then a week with dad, mum has 1 contact night for tea.

Both parents have parental responsibility and nothing has been written down legally via the courts since their divorce as to who has the kids and when. This is because it has worked and we've had relatively few issues.

Last week, there was a disagreement between mum & dad and she decided he can't have his kids anymore so went to nursery (on our week) and collected them before we got there. He went to her house to have them back but she refused to hand them over and rather than stand there and argue, he walked away and has attempted to get the ball rolling with solicitors and mediators etc. Needless to say, the situation is devastating because on one hand, we want to do the same to her and fight for the kids but on the other, we don't want them to be privy to this whole situation as they should t be the rope in a big tug of war.

I'd just like to hear from anyone who has had any similar experiences. Thanks in advance.

signalred Sun 01-May-16 21:25:55

What was the disagreement?

Jwilks87 Sun 01-May-16 21:33:22

The disagreement was that dad forgot about an after school club which finished at 4:30. Had he remembered, he would have got his mum to collect the eldest at 4:30 (he finishes work at 5, her at 4). He forgot about the club being on (he thought it was the normal after school club which finishes at 6:00) and when 4:30 came, school called mum instead of dad. She was also unavailable so sent her dad who collected both kids rather than just the one at school.

This all sounds bad, but it was only a few months ago when we got a call from nursery one Wednesday evening at 6:10 to ask who was collecting the kids. It wasn't our week but we went anyway, only to find out that the kids were staying with their grandad and their mum was in a foreign country. She'd neglected to tell her dad we which day we were having the kids (she had been sent a message to say we'd have them on Friday) so on the Wednesday night he just never collected them. We got the blame for that too.

TiddlesUpATree Sun 01-May-16 21:53:19

Sounds like she's quite difficult to deal with. How are the kids taking it all?

Jwilks87 Sun 01-May-16 22:01:13

The kids according to her don't want to be with us and are very content with her with a good routine and proper family time. Apparently we don't do things with them, we don't feed them and they're overly tired when with us.

We got them on Saturday morning and they reported having played on an Xbox for the majority of the previous week and by 10:30 am were complaining of being tired because they'd stayed up late the previous night.

It's a difficult question to answer, they are great but we're really not sure if they're saying those things to mum or not. They seem to have had a lovely weekend with us and have said they want to be with us more.

Jwilks87 Mon 02-May-16 19:31:26

Anyone at all got any experience of this type of situation?

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