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Did any of you wish deep down you had stuck with one child?

(63 Posts)
SquareholeRoundpeg Mon 18-Apr-16 15:20:58

Hello all, I am a very happy mum to a beautiful 5 year old DS. We have been thinking about going for a second child but keep putting it off as we are enjoying life as it is and are afraid of the risk factors.

We know if we want to do it we will have to just get on with it, I am not getting any younger! However I don't want to regret it!

I was just wondering if any of you had a second child and wishes, in retrospect, you had stayed with the one?

Thanks

theredjellybean Mon 18-Apr-16 15:24:24

what an honest question..i felt exactly like you when I had second daughter...loved her instantly and enjoyed her babyhood and toddler yrs far more than i did her elder sibling , and she remains a dear, easy child, but some how now i have teenage dd ( the first) who i am incredibly close too i wonder if it was just her and me and not second daughter what life would be like ?
I have often thought about posting asking if people or how people accept that they have 'favourite' children or at least different feelings about their different children.

Daffodil90 Mon 18-Apr-16 16:47:24

Sorry I'm just placemarking as I want to know the answers too!
We always planned children but now have one and wondering if we want to have any more. We're leaning towards just having the one but I'm feeling a strange sense of guilt for a child that doesn't even exist!

uhoh2016 Mon 18-Apr-16 16:48:33

I've got 3 dc, when only 1 is with me (doesn't matter which one youngest or older ) it reminds me of how much easier it is with just one child.
Everything becomes more expensive with more children from buying school uniforms, dinner money, holidays, days out bigger car etc not to mention when they're older wanting driving lessons or going to uni. Don't get me wrong me children NEVER go without and basically get whatever they want ie football kits latest games etc but sometimes they may need to wait a little longer for it if 1 of the other dc have asked or needs something.
I may not a have a pot to piss in and a brain like mush lol but I wouldn't change a single thing the love between them is amazing even when they're fighting!
Another quite sad reason I think it's nice to have siblings is if anything happened to both me and dh then they would always have another member of the family around them likewise when we're old and maybe needing a bit if care the responsibility doesn't just fall on 1 dc shoulders

MrsEricBana Mon 18-Apr-16 16:53:49

I am an only child, I have nothing against only children. I have two children and the companionship they have is just heartbreakingly lovely, even though they can scrap like cat and dog too. At home, on days out, on holiday they play together happily and I know it was not like this for me as an only child, though of course I didn't know any different and my lovely daddy was just wonderful, always taking me on trips, playing with me on the beach and in the sea (even though, I found out later, he was terrified of water as he couldn't swim). So no I never wish I had stuck with one child but now they are older I very much enjoy spending time with one or other of them e.g. ds loves playing cards, walk to park, drink in cafe and dd and I have different things we like doing. I think do what is right for you as any number of children will be perfect in different ways.

BabyGanoush Mon 18-Apr-16 16:57:04

No, never honestly ever have.

Love just multiplies. (cheesy blush)

Sometimes wish I had had more kids, not less.

KittyandTeal Mon 18-Apr-16 16:59:27

I'm place marking too.

We have tried for more than one but have just lost our second baby (three in total, dd1 is our only live child) so we've decided that enough is enough. This second loss has had a huge impact on my mh so dd1 will grow up an only.

I guess I'm so sad about it but would like to hear the positives of only having one to look after.

simbobs Mon 18-Apr-16 17:07:04

I have 2 dc and would not (willingly) have had just one. I had 3 siblings and could not have imagined having been an only child carrying all the hopes and dreams of my parents. My DC are teens now and are very close. Even if one of them is cheesed off at me or their dad they always have one another.

SoftBlocks Mon 18-Apr-16 17:13:27

KittyandTeal flowers
I'd like to hear some positives too.

bolleauxnouveau Mon 18-Apr-16 17:14:43

Nope, I wish I could have had more, but time and money weren't on my side.

otoh I think overpopulation is a bigger issue for the world than climate change.

loosechange Mon 18-Apr-16 17:17:41

I wouldn't change my children for the world, but I do occasionally think "What if we had stuck at one?"

I didn't want to stop at one, and was lucky enough to have had successful pregnancies, which having spoken to others I recognize for the luck it was, so I am aware it is an academic question on my part.

BUT, I am very aware that if I only had one child I could offer them more time, energy and resources, both financial and in terms of what I could do for / with them. I would have more time on my hands, which would factor into the energy and emotional reserve I could offer my child.

It is unlikely if you have another you will regret it, mostly for me because once you have another child it is hard to imagine life without them, but that doesn't mean your life will be any less if you don't.

Hope that makes sense.

Ludways Mon 18-Apr-16 17:21:20

No, not since she arrived. I did have times during my pregnancy where I wish I'd stuck at one as I felt so happy with life and didn't want it to change, but then she arrived and that happiness doubled.

Mishaps Mon 18-Apr-16 17:26:07

Well - having more than on child carries its own challenges. A perfect sweet first child can often let you know in a big way when a rival arrives in the camp! - and you are left wondering where that dear biddable child vanished to!

But along with the challenges are compensations - as they grow they begin to play together (and fight!) and they can be great fun together.

I have 3 DDs, all now grown up, and it is such a joy to see them together - it is one of the greatest joys in my life that they are great pals - and they are all hugely supportive of us, their parents, especially now that my OH has a neurological disorder. Don't misunderstand me, we in no way rely on them or expect anything from them, but it is comforting to know that, whilst they all care enormously, no one child will ever feel that we are their sole responsibility when times get tough. Our hope is never to represent a burden to them!!

I have watched them support each other through difficult times - ill health, miscarriage etc. and I know that they love each other dearly and value the support that they can offer each other.

JimmyGreavesMoustache Mon 18-Apr-16 17:27:05

We were planning to stop at one - DC2 was unplanned
We are very happy as a family of four, but I don't think we'd have been any less happy as a family of three.

One of the hard bits of having two are struggling with sibling rivalry - mine have wildly different personalities (everyone comments on it) and struggle to see eye to eye over everything. The house is like a warzone.

Plus there's 4 years between mine, and it's hard to find things they both want to do/both can do. Even something as simple as a cinema trip - the 9yo wants to watch very different things to the 5yo.

AKissACuddleAndACheekyFinger Mon 18-Apr-16 17:28:06

We've had six children, we now have five. It's hectic and frantic and loud and chaotic and expensive and the most amazing thing! However, my parents were both only children and have cherished memories of happy, serene childhoods where their parents' attention was all on them. I guess I am saying there are always pros and cons but we can always enjoy what 'is'-much more satisfying for the soul that dwelling on what could have been.

Ffion3107 Mon 18-Apr-16 17:37:47

I'm glad someone has asked this. I currently have a 2 year old and pregnant witg the 2nd, due in September.
DD was a perfect baby, and is a lovely toddler (who has her days of course!!!) and now I'm scared that I'll ruin our bond by having another, although I've always wanted 2 children with this age gap as it's what I have with my sisters!

simbobs Mon 18-Apr-16 18:38:25

Lavishing all of your time and attention on one child is fine if it works for the child, but some might find that a bit overwhelming. I don't know many only children who are content with that status either.

jimijack Mon 18-Apr-16 18:54:29

No.
Absolutely not.
It took us 8 years to get ds 2. We thought we would never get a second chance.

Someone else said it, but I am enjoying my second TONNES more than I did my first.

Undercooked Mon 18-Apr-16 19:19:06

I have four. There have been moments when I have looked back at that magic first year with my first and thought "why didn't au keep things simple like they were then?." And after each child there have been moments where I have found it hard, especially this latest jump to four. However, I can't say I have ever really wished we hadn't had each child. As others have said there is a total magic in watching siblings grow and support each other. Plus you love each child as an individual and it's fascinating how your relationship with each is different. Even my most difficult child fills me with joy and wonder more than anything else.

I was an only child and I did sometimes
find that lonely, especially as an adult when my parents died. The bright side was the exceptionally close relationship I had with my mum. We had all the time in the world for each other and that was a very special thing.

TheSuspiciousMsWhicher Mon 18-Apr-16 19:24:57

No, I don't now. There was a time maybe in the small baby stage where I thought 'WTF have I done?' DD2 was a difficult baby and the first year or so was very trying.

But now, she is such a delight. Such a funny, clever little spark that I can't imagine what it would have been like for DD1 not to have her as a sister. Or for me to have missed out on being her mum. My DDs love playing together and I hope they will continue to be close into adulthood.

knittingbee Mon 18-Apr-16 19:57:44

No, my DC1 is a nightmare and DC2 is a pleasure so I'd go nuts without her!

Love them both fiercely, it's been much easier second time around though. I'm still BF my second at almost-2, barely managed a month with my first. Little things like that have been a joy. And when they play together, it's the sweetest thing.

vic1981 Mon 18-Apr-16 20:03:57

KittyandTeal, and softblocks,
If you go onto the one child families topic under parenting there is a lovely thread from people discussing the positives of having an only. smile

WeSailTonightForSingapore Mon 18-Apr-16 20:19:14

I wondered about this too. I now have a two year old and only ever intended to have one.

I know time is getting on to think about a second - seems like most people I know have two kids with two year age gaps - but honestly, I don't think I want to.

I feel like I am having to talk myself into.having a second.

I had an awful pregnancy and labour, hated breastfeeding etc and I just feel I can't face all that again.

Toffeewhirl Mon 18-Apr-16 20:23:18

No. Always wanted a second child and a brother for my first child and am so happy that I had him even though he's driving us bonkers right now and refusing to go to bed.

KittyandTeal Mon 18-Apr-16 20:51:06

Thank you vic. I think I'll head over there

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