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Having two babies less than 18mo old: insanity or brilliance?

(51 Posts)
2ManySweets Sat 16-Apr-16 18:26:23

Evening all

I had my first baby 10 weeks ago and we always planned to have another quite quickly after.

I had a CS and assuming my gynae passes me as fit and healthy I'm hoping to get lucky and conceive in the autumn when my DC1 will be 6 months old.

Just interested in people's experiences of having babies with a less than 18mo difference between them (especially after a CS). How did it work out for you? And what are the pros and cons?

And also posting for coping techniques 😉

TIA

2Many x

Afreshstartplease Sat 16-Apr-16 18:35:48

16 months between my eldest two

No cs though

It has its ups and downs. They are great friends and always have each other to play with, they share interests and friends etc, have similar abilities with regards to games and things like that. However they can also fight like cat and dog and drive each other mad.

They did most of the stages either together or one right after the other e.g. toilet training, learning to read etc

I then have a nearly four year gap to DC3, which again has its good and bad bits. I got more time with her as a baby , things were calmer and more chilled. However now the older two are very much a pair and she is my shadow. So I'm making her a sibling grin

LaContessaDiPlump Sat 16-Apr-16 18:37:48

Mine are 13mo apart! I fell pregnant with DS2 when DS1 was 4.5 months grin VB in my case, but I do also have a friend who had c sections with her two who are 16mo apart. Both mine were exclusively FF after 8 weeks, which wasn't intended but hey ho.

It was quite easy being pregnant while looking after a baby tbh; easier than looking after a mobile and argumentative toddler by the looks of it! It got all the nappies and screaming over in one very short time period, and we didn't feel like we were stagnating in any one stage for long (or regressing to one) as they are so close in age. They are currently nearly 4 and 5, and are usually into the same things and good friends (apart from all the fighting).

I won't lie, it was intensely chaotic in the early days and I found it hard work. However I can say hand on heart that I have found it easier and easier as they get more rational and able to articulate their needs instead of just fucking screaming.

Caveats: I had 2 easy pregnancies, 2 relatively simple births (3rd degree tear first time, 2nd degree tear second time), 2 straightforward babies with no health problems and a DH able and willing to do his share of housework and childcare. No other family support but it was ok.

I hope that is useful grin

2ManySweets Sat 16-Apr-16 18:39:30

Thanks fresh, one of the primary motivations for the decision is to avoid any sibling jealousy: DC1 will still be a baby (of sorts) if we get lucky and have DC2 May/June 2017 so she'd be almost too young to feel jealous of an "intruder" if that makes sense?

Afreshstartplease Sat 16-Apr-16 18:41:14

You may think that but my eldest used to sit or stand on the youngest

I'm still not sure if he was jealous or just didn't understand/thought he was a cushion

2ManySweets Sat 16-Apr-16 18:41:22

I'm exceptionally lucky to have a great DP Contessa, if he was a useless lump this thread wouldn't exist 😉 haha

Iguessyourestuckwithme Sat 16-Apr-16 18:44:02

So you're talking about a 15 month age gap ideally?

iMatter Sat 16-Apr-16 18:44:32

12 months apart here.

Very hard in the beginning but became much easier once the youngest got to about 12 months.

They are now 10 and 11 and best friends. They are easy peasy and an absolute joy. Would do it again in a heart beat.

No jealously at all from ds1.

Go for it smile

LaContessaDiPlump Sat 16-Apr-16 18:45:11

Oh don't discount the jealousy thing; DS1 cannot remember a world without DS2 yet is still constantly jealous of him and paranoid about the possibility of unfair treatment hmm I think it's just his nature.

AgentProvocateur Sat 16-Apr-16 18:45:12

16 months between mine. Has been brilliant for the last 18/19 years. The only downside is now, when they both went to uni and moved out within six months of each other, leaving the house empty and me bereft sad

2ManySweets Sat 16-Apr-16 18:46:11

Pretty much; if we get lucky first time sans johnnies then my due date would be when DC1 is ~15mo.

If I could I'd be working on DC2 being conceived now but I'm too scared after a CS and I'm sure there are risks for two pregnancies so soon after one another (esp if #1 was a CS).

2ManySweets Sat 16-Apr-16 18:46:52

flowers agent x

iMatter Sat 16-Apr-16 18:48:06

I had an em section with ds1 and a vbac with ds2 12 months later.

Not ideal but it can be be done.

Canyouforgiveher Sat 16-Apr-16 18:48:42

14 months between mine. c-sections for both.

We have an older one too with a bigger gap.

The second c-section was easier in many ways and my recovery was faster - I left the hospital after 30 hours.

It was manic for the younger years. We basically did all kid stuff for a good few years. Only started hobbies etc when they were about 4/5. That said, those were nice years too- we did kid-friendly things every weekend, went for walks/playground/zoo/picnics with friends who had similarly aged children. I worked and dh did his share-otherwise it would have been awful.

My two have been incredibly close from the beginning and are still each other's best friend. I never had to play with them really - they played with each other. Also got on great with each other's friends.

That said, my middle one has a LOT of angst about not having been the baby/having been displaced so fast. Some of that is just her personality - neither of my other 2 would have cared but she did and she felt that she never got a proper chance to be the baby and worries about not being valued as much as the others.

cheminotte Sat 16-Apr-16 18:49:48

With regards to your C section - if you would like a vaginal birth next time (vbac) it is recommended to leave 18 months between births.

2ManySweets Sat 16-Apr-16 18:54:08

This is great, I'm just keen to find out Matter and Forgive if your 2nd pregnancy was smooth, your GP/midwife was fine or concerned, what - if any - extra support (medically) you had to get?

And yep: massively hear you re supportive partner!

2ManySweets Sat 16-Apr-16 18:55:42

chemin, no I'd much prefer a CS. Babies in my family don't ever want to come out and everyone (inc me) has been induced (but mine failed to work).

I'd prefer DC2 just to come out through the sunroof than face the horror of another failed induction process x

iMatter Sat 16-Apr-16 19:03:19

I'll be honest with you. 2nd pg wasn't smooth - I had terrible spd and my morning sickness lasted all day. My midwife was absolutely fine and hugely supportive.

However, all of it was worth it for where I am now. smile

2ManySweets Sat 16-Apr-16 19:07:08

Appreciate the honesty. That is exactly why I'm posting. Did you have SPD with pg#1?

ILovePies Sat 16-Apr-16 19:07:23

17 months between my two. Wouldn't change it for the world.
The only thing I do regret is not having enough 1:1 time with my eldest but we have lots of fun the 3 of us smile
It was very very hard in the beginning, I wasn't able to BF DS, but DD was a dream but because of DS's demands, I found it hard sitting and BF constantly so we ended up FF exclusively. Please take this into consideration if you plan to BF. Some women may find it much easier than I did, but I just couldn't cope - DD was on a much better routine FF.
Once I got them both into a routine it became much easier. DD will be 2 in July and now she's older it's much easier.
They do fight like cat and dog, but they are also best friends. They have so much love for each other. It's great when you want to go out to places, as they are into the same things and don't have a conflict of interests.
Good luck, hope it all goes well smile

Out2pasture Sat 16-Apr-16 19:07:26

3 c/s, first two 16 months apart (third one about 18 months apart so 3 under 3).
all easy pregnancies (mild nausea and vomiting). no medical issues that seemed to concern the ob regarding the internal sutures or rupture.
I stayed at my parents after child number's 2-3 as hubby worked away from home so I had more support the first 2 weeks. but after that i was a full on house mouse cleaner and cook.
hard but happy work, glad to have had them close in age.
knowing what to expect with subsequent c/s does make the whole thing less stressful.

iMatter Sat 16-Apr-16 19:12:05

Yes - I had spd with ds1 so I can't blame the fact they were so close!

redcaryellowcar Sat 16-Apr-16 19:13:08

My sister and I are 16mo apart, it was great fun growing up. We did everything together, and had a fabulous time. I have two DC, two and a half years apart and the idea of them being any closer together baffles me, I think my mum is and must have been a super hero!

ConfusedAboutSchools Sat 16-Apr-16 19:16:02

I have around 16 months between mine. Don't count on a lack of jealousy, DC1 used to come up and hit newborn DC2 on the head when I was feeding him and tell me to put him down! They have both gone through stages of being intensely jealous of my time and attention, and still can't bear to share my lap now DC2 is 2.5yrs.

The days when DC2 was an immobile newborn were pretty easy looking back. Once they are both on the move (and able to snatch and fight) it got a lot harder. Both of mine are bad sleepers too. At 2.5ish and almost 4y/o they now play really well and can do most of the same activities. It does now seem to be paying off and I wouldn't change it, but it has been tough at times, I can't lie.

If lack of jealousy is your only reasoning for such a small gap, I'd leave it for a few more months to give your body time to recover (I was told it takes a minimum of nine months to fully physically and replenish nutrients after birth). Those few months also mean that DC1 will be that bit better at communicating their needs, more independent at self-feeding, independent play etc. With a 15 mon gap you really do have two babies on your hands.

Good luck whatever happens!

Afreshstartplease Sat 16-Apr-16 19:16:11

With regards spd

I had none with DC1, but had it with 2+3 and feel it already at 13 weeks with DC4

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