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For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Parenting

To let SIL take daughter swimming?

147 replies

Ohsotired123 · 14/04/2016 14:28

Would I be unreasonable to say no to SIL wanting to take 8 month old swimming? She's asked me when she comes up as she doesn't live near us if she can take her. It would be for an hour or so but I can't help but feel a bit anxious about it. Would others be ok with it?

OP posts:

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MrsJayy · 14/04/2016 14:31

Yes id be fine with it assuming she is used to babies ? What are you anxious about

trilbydoll · 14/04/2016 14:33

I wouldn't be worried about the pool because she won't let go of her - with a toddler, she might misjudge their abilities but that isn't possible with a baby.

Does SIL have dc? I would be worried about a wriggly slippery baby and someone inexperienced in dealing with towels / baby / clothes. And the potential for baby to roll off the changing table.

You could go, do the changing bits, and chill out with a book while they're in the water?

Thurlow · 14/04/2016 14:34

If I liked my SIL then yes, I would be fine with this. Even if she's not that used to babies, surely any sensible person knows to hold on to them all the time? If she's not that used to babies I might help with the changing afterwards or something, and at least enjoy half an hour or so in a cafe.

Ohsotired123 · 14/04/2016 14:35

She's been a nursery nurse for 15 years and a private nanny so I have no concerns with her not being able to let her look after my DD properly.

She hasn't been able to have kids of her own and has desperately struggled for a very long time. So I guess I just feel a bit weird about it if you understand.

OP posts:

MrsJayy · 14/04/2016 14:40

Its not really weird to want to spend time with your baby Niece

fourpawswhite · 14/04/2016 14:41

I don't understand your last sentence. You say you have no concerns about her ability to care for her. So your only concern is that she can't have her own children?

CarsonTheButler · 14/04/2016 14:44

Why wouldn't you let an auntie take her niece swimming? She clearly knows what she's doing with kids, if that's your issue, though I don't think it is.

Do you think because she is childless, she is going to harm your daughter in some way?

Gizlotsmum · 14/04/2016 14:45

I would let her go. I am assuming it's not going to be your daughters first time swimming. You SIL is just being an Aunty. She isn't claiming her as hers. Enjoy the love she obviously has for her niece.

TurnOffTheTv · 14/04/2016 14:46

I'm struggling to see exactly what you feel weird about? A family member is obviously very competent with children due to their job wants to take your child out.

What exactly are you worried about?

CommanderShepherd · 14/04/2016 14:47

Are you thinking that she's replacing the child she can't have with yours? Has she done other things that you would feel is more 'mother' role rather than 'ain't' role

CommanderShepherd · 14/04/2016 14:47

Ain't? Aunt!

Ohsotired123 · 14/04/2016 14:49

I don't know it just makes me uneasy as she's really clingy as it is.

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Ohsotired123 · 14/04/2016 14:50

No she never has acted like a mum. Although she's asked to do nappy changed and feeds etc

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Schwabischeweihnachtskanne · 14/04/2016 14:51

:o - I am usually in the "the baby is not a toy, you don't have to let everybody have a go with it on their own, just because they ask" camp, and would have said you don't have to let her take the baby anywhere without you, just let her spend time with both of you.

However I was rather imagining a well intentioned but totally inexperienced with babies SIL, or perhaps one who does have kids but whom you feel is a bit lax or whatever... but if she has been a nursery nurse and a nanny for 15 years she is possibly far more experienced with babies than you yourself, so you probably are being unreasonable (illogical, though natural if you are normally your baby's main carer and not apart from her) being worried.

Why does your SIL have to take her on her own though - isn't the solution to go together but try to relax and let SIL actually hold her?

Ciggaretteandsmirnoff · 14/04/2016 14:55

Get her one of these seats and go watch them. I used to wrap dd towel around a hot water bottle so she was cozy warm when I got her out of the pool. You can get dd dressed while aunty has a nice shower.

To let SIL take daughter swimming?

CarsonTheButler · 14/04/2016 14:55

It's your decision at the end of the day. If you don't feel comfortable with it then that's that.

As far as I am concerned, the more people within my family and close friends circle who love my DCs and are happy to spend time with them, the better.

Thurlow · 14/04/2016 14:58

As far as I am concerned, the more people within my family and close friends circle who love my DCs and are happy to spend time with them, the better.

This. I understand sometimes it can feel difficult at times to let for for a while, but your SIL is experienced and I don't think wanting to take her niece for a fun experience is something particularly out of the ordinary (nor nappy changes and feeds, especially not if she's experienced at doing them - I imagine she probably thought it was helping?)

Ohsotired123 · 14/04/2016 15:22

I just find it weird how she is coming up for a weekend but wants to take her on her own, why? I can't exactly ask her that without sounding like a bitch can I. But really why on your own?

OP posts:

thatstoast · 14/04/2016 15:28

Maybe she thinks you want a break and she, as a childcare professional of 15 years, would be a good person to help out?

Ohsotired123 · 14/04/2016 15:36

Well it's the weekend abd my partner is here so we don't need help. It feels like she can't wait to get her on her own.

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Fishface77 · 14/04/2016 15:38

I couldn't have kids without ivf.
It would have broken my heart if people thought I was trying to be a mother figure or felt weird about me being around their kids.
She probably enjoys her company!

LondonStill83 · 14/04/2016 15:39

Op, she's probably just trying to be helpful!

When good friends of mine had a baby, we were always offering to take him places and do things with him to give them a break and some time to nap, etc. He was a difficult baby and so they were knackered and we just offered anything we could to help.

It never occurred to me it may be creepy. I have lots of experience with babies and just wanted to help!

Is this your Pfb by any chance?

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LondonStill83 · 14/04/2016 15:41

Also, I have another friend with two girls. When they were little I was always offering to babysit or take then places or whatever. I loved it as I love kids and it was different from every day for me, the girls loved it as they got spoiled by their "auntie", and the parents loved it as they got a free break!

The eldest still talks about her first ever sleepover, which I was super happy to give her!

Ohsotired123 · 14/04/2016 15:41

Thank you guys I don't want to be mean that's the last thing I want to be. Yeah she's my first lol. She wanted to Take her to see Santa at Christmas when she was just 4 months and I felt that was a bit much at that stage but now I still don't know.

OP posts:

Figgygal · 14/04/2016 15:41

Maybe she thinks it's would give you a break? I think you're being a bit pfb here

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