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how do you avoid CIO when all baby does is cry??

(29 Posts)
jellybelly8 Sat 09-Apr-16 22:07:31

This is probably a rant more than anything but I hate reading all the negative stuff around CIO when I feel like all my baby does is cry!

She is 5 months old and does have reflux which is a bit better managed and so slightly less crying but otherwise she is still such a distressed baby. If you are not supposed to leave them to CIO, what do you do when your friends and family are in a village 50mins away and baby cries the whole 50min journey without fail. Not even a grumpy protest but full on distressed, ear shattering screaming. What baby doesn't sleep in the car!!

Same goes for trying to shower/wee/leave the house/cook.... Everybody's told me to get a sling but she does the same in a sling and I've tried lots of different types. My only options are pram, boob or bouncer and I am exhausted. She feeds all through the night, this can be every hour just for a reassuring nibble (if I don't allow this then we have melt down which results in less sleep or all). Never ever fallen asleep by herself or in a cot. Never managed to transfer her without waking (eg from arms to cot). DP can't get her to sleep so it's always down to me. She refuses bottle, thumb, dummy, comforter... she seems to have absolutely no way of comforting herself even when she seems to so desperately want to sleep/wind down/switch off.

I feel like background screaming is a way of life for me without actually opting for it as a method of sleep training, I hate hearing her cry but I can only minimise it up to a point. Most people have CIO as a last resort method when all else fails, I feel like my baby was born crying it out :-( I have never known a baby to be so wired!

Anyone else relate to this?

UmbongoUnchained Sat 09-Apr-16 22:09:08

Have you been to the doctor because that doesn't sound normal.

SeanPencil Sat 09-Apr-16 22:14:56

Oh god, DD was a cryer. Woke up from every sleep screaming, would only sleep in a moving car or pram, impossible to transfer. The only saving grace was we could put her in her cot awake at bedtime. She's an only child for a reason, it was hell. Sympathies to you, OP.

jellybelly8 Sat 09-Apr-16 22:17:29

4 Dr's and 2 pead consultants tell me she is fine aside from reflux which is being treated.

I do believe that she is healthy, just not very happy! People often say to me" mine cried for the first year/9months/6 months"- is this what they mean? I just hope all the crying isn't damaging her :-(

jellybelly8 Sat 09-Apr-16 22:19:13

Omg SeanPencil, people think I'm joking when I say she will be an only child. Its the ultimate endurance test for my sanity!

Miffytastic Sat 09-Apr-16 22:21:47

OP I had this for a while with DD1 who's now 10. Never slept in a cot for naps and couldn't go to sleep without me or the pram. In the end had to do a combo of DH+ shush/pat thing which did work and encouraged self soothing I think. But that was when she was 6.5 months so might work better when they're a bit older...

Ottosaurus Sat 09-Apr-16 22:24:34

Could there be something causing the reflux? My DS cried constantly even with reflux Meds, very similar indeed to how you are describing it and it turned out to be cow's milk allergy, once out of his system (& mine because I was bf) he changed completely.

He also managed to sleep peacefully and not the endless crying for hours on end regardless of being held

Nicknamegrief Sat 09-Apr-16 22:26:05

My first was really miserable for the first 6-9months of his life! I only remember him crying and have no idea how we survived. There were lots of arguments. He is now 12 so it is all a distant memory and sometimes I wonder if I imagined it.
It got better, he was a delightful toddler, a lovely little boy- not sure what the approaching adolescent period will be though?
I have 4 and none of the others were anyway near as bad. I have even enjoyed their babyhood.
We ended up co sleeping and then doing sleep training at about 8/9 months.

SeanPencil Sat 09-Apr-16 22:28:41

We survived it by driving a lot (I know that doesn't help you) and walking miles with the pram. Impossible to sleep whilst she slept, of course. Night time wakings were handled by splitting shifts (again, I know this isn't working for you, OP, sorry) while the other one slept in the spare room with ear plugs in. Proper full on reflux meds did help us too, are you on anything decent, or just Omeprazole?

We tried pick up/put down but it just made her rage. We did controlled crying at 6 months and it worked a dream for night time wakings, but we still suffered horrifically with 4.30am starts and needing to do all day time naps on the move. Fucking grim.

Iguessyourestuckwithme Sat 09-Apr-16 22:33:24

She sounds hungry and also picking up on your stress levels - is she tongue tie? have you spoken to your hv about her generally

SeanPencil Sat 09-Apr-16 22:35:38

Oh yes, forgot, found out at about 4 - 5 months she had tongue tie. Which was missed by the midwives at the start, even though I said that BF was agony. angry

Passmethecrisps Sat 09-Apr-16 22:36:08

It doesn't sound like r reflux is being managed to be honest. Car seats can be hard on reflux babies as it pushes their stomach up a bit.

Does she follow her growth line? My dd had reflux and it seemed reasonably well managed other than he drifting down through lines. I bottle fed and kept a rigorous log of her feeds as she ate so little. She went into omeprozole and increased her bottles 50% in 24 hours. I thought she was ok before but it was a total game changer.

What about cmpi? My brother was a really hard baby apparently - just like your wee one. The medics who saw my dd reckon he almost certainly had undiagnosed reflux and cmpi. Can you try cutting dairy out of your diet? If not dairy it could be something like eggs.

I hope you find the cause. For a very very short time dd was like this (until she was on special formula and meds) and I remember sobbing that she would never learn to smile as what did she have to smile for.

UmbongoUnchained Sat 09-Apr-16 22:37:57

I'd see another doctor because it really isn't normal for a baby to cry all day and night.

Jeffjefftyjeff Sat 09-Apr-16 22:41:09

Just wanted to give sympathy as my ds also a cryer for first 6 mo and I felt like we lived in a parallel universe to other mums. 'I couldn't leave them crying' (but how would I do anything at all? Even go to the toilet?), 'show them stimulating pictures' ( how? His eyes are always scrunched up screaming?) 'rest when they rest' (but he screams all the time and sleeps in short bursts?) 'breastfeeding can be lovely' ( when he screams like a banshee before and after feeding???)

Sorry, I don't have magic advice but just wanted to sympathise. We did go to a cranial osteopath which did keep him quiet while there at least. Oh, and He is lovely now! And was a very cheerful toddler too.

Helsbellsnch34 Sat 09-Apr-16 22:44:19

This was dc2, only happy on me/boobs/in the sling. Only slept on me with a boob in his mouth, screamed so much in the car I stopped driving completely and refused dummy/bottle/thumb. It was intense. Add to this a 2 year old who was up for several house every night and I was a wreak. He screamed about everything, wouldn't go to anyone, and when I went back to work screamed at dp for hours non stop. Just remember that though she is crying she is with you, you are helping her by simply holding her and being there. She is learning that this is hard, I don't like it but mummy can help me through it ( hopefully not too crunchy got you!), she is not cio out if you are with her. We night weaned at 11 months and things got easier as he would sleep independently for longer stretches, he then went into a cot a 13 months. It was hard, we decided he was our last. Our bonus baby dc3 arrived in January and is the most relaxed, chilled out baby. Dc2 is almost two and incredibly happy and loving. Hoping things get easier for you soon.

jellybelly8 Sat 09-Apr-16 22:45:56

She is on omeprazole and we have seen some improvement, much less gulping/gasping. Sometimes wonder if the crying is like a learned behaviour but I know it can't really be.

Nickname, 1 out of 4 is enough although nice to hear the others were enjoyable babies. I am so grateful to have this baby but she is unreal!

Ottosaurus, I tried no dairy for 2 weeks followed by a lovely binge but noticed no difference. I guess dairy is not the only one to rule out though.

Nice to find other people that can relate to having a baby like this. I adore her but mostly Seanpencil you sum it up pretty well ;-)

knaffedoff Sat 09-Apr-16 22:47:27

My eldest was exactly the same, I wouldn't encourage any sleep training under 8 months in the meantime I would look into cow protein milk allergy. We discovered the allergy at 6 months when weaning :-(

Passmethecrisps Sat 09-Apr-16 22:48:59

I did not have to do an exclusion diet but I think it takes two weeks to get it all out of your system and only then can you start to work out if it makes a difference.

I hope you can turn a corner soon - so miserable!

jellybelly8 Sat 09-Apr-16 22:51:10

Her TT was diagnosed and divided at 2 months, we thought that would solve all out problems! Lol, if only we knew!

knaffedoff Sat 09-Apr-16 22:52:03

Dairy takes 6 wks to get out of your babies system, you also need to ensure all milk products are removed as milk is often found in things you wouldn't expect!

Cakescakescakes Sat 09-Apr-16 23:05:52

Does her dose of omeprazole need to be increased? If she's been on it for a while it might need increased as she gets bigger. I had ds2 with reflux and it was horrific. He was a car screamer too. He lived in a sling for the first six months.

insideout Sun 10-Apr-16 07:47:02

jelly you have my sympathies ds had reflux from about 4 weeks, it took until he was 9months to realise he was milk intolerant as well, as I kept trying him on the lactose free formula BUT I wasnt leaving him on long enough, (it can take a good 3-6 weeks to notice any difference).

He also screamed everytime he went in the car, we had to make sure he was supported so he couldnt slump down, might sound cruel but I used to roll up a muslin and pop it in the arch of his back seemed to keep him slightly more stretched seemed to cut down the continual reflux. I also had him in a sling for as many hours as I could cope with until he was around 9 months.

Do you prop the cot at 1 end? We also used a wedge to stop ds rolling onto his back- he was only comfortable on his left side. Even now at 18months we cuddle to sleep, as he just cries and vomits if we leave him.

ruby242 Sun 10-Apr-16 09:43:52

DS is almost 8 months now but up until 6 months sounds exactly like yours-there is hope!! He used to scream the entire car journeys, wake every hour or two and generally be miserable. The cure for us was getting tongue tie fixed (which I see you've done, brilliant!) but also having some osteopath/chiropractic work done on him as tongue tie babies often have a lot of tension. i think 4/5 months is also a generally a hard age for them developmentally, it's much better when they can sit and play independently. It will get better!!

ODog Sun 10-Apr-16 13:52:06

Cio is not what you are doing. Cio is when babies are left alone in a room to cry themselves to sleep with no contact with their parents. Please don't think you are damaging your child.

My DS was similar apart from the reflux so I guess I should be thankful for that. Things that helped for me: sling, dummy, swapping to a group 0/1 rear facing car seat and not an infant carrier which he just screamed in, accepting that a lot of babies are just like this but ultimately time was the only thing that really helped.

Seriously try swapping to a group 0/1 car seat though. They are rear facing, suitable from newborn and more upright. The downside is they aren't designed to go in and out of the car so a bit less convenient but I'd rather that than screaming every car journey. DS hated being scrunched and was much happier upright, higher up and being able to see more. This may be especially important for a reflux baby too.

Good luck - it gets sooooo much easier. All my friends with 'good' newborns are finding toddlerhood hard whereas I think it's a breeze by comparison!

jellybelly8 Sun 10-Apr-16 17:10:31

Thank you for all the replies, I'm just grateful that people have been there and made it out the other side. Jeffjeffy- that is exactly how I feel, like no other mother is actually experiencing the same as me with this mothering business. I just feel like I have nothing left in the fuel tank, while mummies around me are worry about whether their baby has had enough tummy time or running late for bath time, I'm just contemplating how I am gonna survive the night never mind any kind of routine.

I have tried most things suggested... slings, dummy, cranial osteopath, raised bed, etc. Perhaps need to try dairy free again and for longer. I will double check dose of omeprazole too following weight gain. Mostly though, it's just nice to know I'm not completely alone trying to get through this. Bloody hope things start to get better soon! It is nearly summer I suppose <clutching at straws!>

Thanks all :-)

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