WWYD? I'm a consequences type parent...

[LynetteScavo]

I'm not a punishment type parent, as poor behaviour/choices usually have a consequence, even if it's just me getting cross. Anyway...

DS2 (Y8) has joined a "band". The band consists of 3 boys who are all in Y10, one of them being the son of a good friend of mine. I had no idea who the other two boys were, and they all went to one of the lads dads houses on a Saturday afternoon to practice for a couple of hours. Apparently the dad had a drum kit set up, etc, so it was convenient. After a few weeks the band wanted to practice at our house, which was fine by us.

DS told the other band members his drum kit was kept in "the party shed". Indeed the drum kit is in our shed, which has electricity and a special light bulb with changes colour (apparently, DH and DS are far more excited about this than me) Anyway, during band practice in "the party shed" my friends DS suggested they needed some alcoholic drinks. DS2, being the hospitable kind, found a bottle of vodka, and served it to the other band members - neat. Not much, but that's not the point.

I only found out about this 3 weeks later when I noticed the vodka bottle was less full than previously (DS1 is the biggest tell-tale ever). And they must only have had one shot each.

At the moment I'm just letting it go...but I wouldn't be happy if DS had gone to another house and had a swig of vodka....do I just verbally rant to DS2 how out of order this was? I feel I should do something.

[Newtobecomingamum]

What age are they all?

[Newtobecomingamum]

One thing I would say though... Prob not the best idea to keep alcohol around with a teenager in the house. In future I would keep it locked away or hidden somewhere. I know if my parents had had alcohol in the house I would have sneakily had some or pinched some for my fiends and I at that age.
In relation to a punishment, it doesn't sound as though they all got really drunk or you would have heard from their parents or that your son was drunk as you would have known at the time. I would give a firm warning and leave it at that. If it was me and my friends when we were that age, we would have probably finished the bottle or taken it for another time!!

[plipplops]

I think I'd tell the parent you know and see what they think? Agree with you about consequences generally - could you say next time they want to practise that's fine but since they can't be trusted you need to sit. In (if you can stand it?!).

Think I might just have a chat about how you think it's unacceptable, I wouldn't come down too hard as you don't want them just to go somewhere else. For what it's worth a friend at primary school's parents ran a pub, and only once did we go round trying a bit of everything!

[TiredOfSleep]

The consequences are surely to tell the parent and to limit his autonomy/friends visiting as he cant be trusted.

[DustyOwl]

I remember my Dad telling me, around the Y8, that spirits were one of the main causes of teens going to casualty when drunk. I
Was told that the body of a teenager wasn't ready for alcohol and it could (in extreme cases) be fatal. I still drank as a teenager, never spirits and was never paraletic, as I was always full before I got to that point (beer, cider, never stole from my parents).

So in short, I understood the consequences of spirits. I was also told I would not be trusted to hang out with older people if anything happened. Love the idea of sitting in on a band practise, that would have taught me! (Not so short, sorry)

[LynetteScavo]

Well, DH said no band practice at our house this weekend - (and so no band practice, as nobody else wants them either! I'm quite happy to have them back next week - we'll see what DH says.

I'm not sure I want to tell friend. We've known each other since our DC1's were babies, and this is a massive parenting fail - even though we know pretty much all the awful things our DC have done over the years, this is a bit like dropping them on their head as a baby. In my defense, I wasn't at home for most of the time they were here, DH, was but was working, so probably on the phone. I''l blame it on him

I will hide the vodka in a better place. The medicine cupboard, obviously wasn't sufficient (we don't drink vodka, and only have it for MIL to have some at Christmas, which is why I noticed it had gone down). DS2 is a bit of a party animal. I can see this could be the start of things to come if I don't curb it.

There is nothing on this earth that would make me sit in the "party shed" during band practice. I am quiet happy to make many, many sacrifices for my DC, but that is just taking it too far.