failed at parenting(9 Posts)
Obv it's the Easter holidays but I'm a failure as this first week has been horrific !! Single mother of 4 beautiful children but they are monsters !! I'm at the end of my tether and I'm close to making myself so ill. The children are between the ages of 5 and 12 2 girls 2 boys. This week alone they have come close to breaking bones, drawn all over and made holes in walls, flooded the upstairs of the house , broke a games console and thrown eaten fruit on floors. If they play out they push beyond the limits and go to places they shouldn't . I just feel like giving up. Its 2 child's birthday in a few weeks and if I buy items I may as well just flush the money I spend down the toilet as I know will all be broken the first day. Nothing left of there Christmas items and I cut right back for this reason . I try my best set boundaries praise when good but I just feel I can't do it anymore
New that sounds very, very tough. I have 3 kids and DH is incredibly hands on so I am totally in awe of what you are doing. Is there any time for just you, so you can recharge, because it reads like you are at the end of your tether. Also can you start giving the 12 year old more responsibility. This is a positive thing irrespective of your circumstances. I hope things improve soon.
Only got one DC myself but was one of 4 siblings growing up so know how manic it can be.
I always thought my mum was overly strict growing up, but as an adult I can see that as a parent of 4 with little money she had to.
If we broke a toy, it was confiscated along with all the other "nice" toys and until we showed some genuine remorse was not returned. If the toy was used as a weapon against a sibling it was thrown out and never replaced ( marbles got a life time ban after DSis walloped DB in the face with a bag )
If we were winding each other up we were separated into different rooms and made to do jobs as we were obviously bored.
If we broke or damaged something in the house we paid for it out of our spends. When my cousins drew on our walls they were banned from ever using a pen/pencil unsupervised in our house - this continued until they were nearly adults
I think when you have a few you need to be strict and stick with it, especially if they are hurting each other and destroying property and your home. I would sit them all down ( family meeting style ) at a time when they are calm and explain that this is how it is now. They will respect each other and their home or face the consequences.
Just thought of another good one - I was a proper teachers pet at school and my mum threatening to tell the teachers that I'd been naughty at home made me behave ( she did tell on me as well - the snitch ). If they're good at school and just save it all for at home it might be a good one.
Oh and you're not a failure. You're raising 4 children in your own ( I'm a sp to one and struggle ) you are a warrior! You can handle this.
Blimey! Poor you
I personally think you need to have a family meeting and get them all to take responsibility for their actions, and get them to try to fix things. And come up with some rules together - if you just arbitrarily impose brand new rules you will have another week of hell and rebellion, but if you try to get them to invest in them, you stand a chance. The older ones should definitely be taking some responsibility.
And if they can't, well then it is toast, fruit, cheese and carrot sticks for dinner until they start pulling their weight. And they can help with all chores including cooking/washing/cleaning. And as a pp said all the nice breakable toys will have to go away until they can be trusted with them.
Any good spring cleaning jobs on the list for this week? Even better if they have to cooperate with each other to get them done.
Really appreciate the advice as I'm struggling lots . 12 it ear old I s waiting to be assessed on the autistic spectrum which is as you can imagine a long process . Weve had family meeting also and they are currently eating carrot cucumber pepper sticks with ham and hummus for every lunch .. 2 of them tonight have had normal tea removed and replaced with beans on toast !! Still not remorse shown ... I just can't take much more
Aw wow New that is harder yet. DS has been recently diagnosed with ASD and it is tough going even though he is totally amazing. I think you are just going to have to let a lot of the little things wash over you for the moment, get through the stuff in front of you and leave some of the rest behind. You are amazing. Really amazing.
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