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"Daddy doesn't like me"

(10 Posts)
ChampagneTastes Fri 01-Apr-16 07:20:56

DS is 3.5 and is going through a bit of a phase. He has been continually saying that "Daddy is naughty" and won't accept any suggestion to the contrary. This morning he woke up and announced "Daddy doesn't like me". He explained that "Daddy goes to work because he doesn't like me" and would not accept any other explanation.

DH is brushing it off but is much more hurt than he's letting on. He is, for the record, a completely lovely, hands-on and loving father.

What can I do end this phase? I gave him (DS) a cuddle this morning because he was clearly a bit upset (I think he'd had a bad dream) but I wonder if I should be a bit sterner in my reaction? I'm so sad for DH - he went to work looking rather forlorn. I would like to get to the bottom of this and try to sort it out.

winchester1 Fri 01-Apr-16 07:26:01

Personally I' ignore it but make the most if the weekends. Special trips with daddy and saying how sad daddy is he has to go to work, poor daddy type stuff when he says goodbye in the morning, maybe make a point of telling daddy about the days activities when he gets home, poor daddy didn't get to.join in etc.
That's what we do to get the kids out of the home office - they can have fun poor mummy/daddy has to work etc.

ChampagneTastes Fri 01-Apr-16 14:08:53

I have spent the whole day saying "poor daddy - he's at work when he'd much rather be here playing lego with you". I've also said that what DS has been saying has made daddy sad and that he should think of a way to make him happy. DS has suggested a cuddle. We'll see what happens when DH gets in I guess.

kiki22 Fri 01-Apr-16 19:38:32

It won't be a popular opinion on mn but I tell ds off if he says things like this, I usually say it hurts peoples feelings saying these things and its not kind. My ds knew at 3.5 how it felt when other children were mean to him so I likened it to that he got it pretty quickly.

ChampagneTastes Sun 03-Apr-16 08:15:07

No that's fair enough Kiki. After a lot of chat about it DS has basically said that he misses DH because he's not seeing as much of him this week as he would normally. We've talked about how saying things like that can be hurtful and he (sort of) gets it. I'll keep working on him though.

Imfinehowareyou Sun 03-Apr-16 08:48:44

DD2 is doing this at the moment (age 3). Lots of 'Daddy is mean', 'Daddy is horrible' and wailing for me if DH picks her up. It is hard because you have 2 people to reassure! She is absolutely fine if DH plays with her. He is taking her out today without me. We just see it as a phase and do what kiki22 said about hurt feelings. Can your DH do some activities without you eg. going to the park?
Oh, and DH works from home in full view in the front room so DD2 doesn't even have the leaving for work angle.

ChampagneTastes Sat 09-Apr-16 08:03:02

DH is Chief Parent for the weekend. It's my turn for the lie in and I just heard DS say "I don't like you. I want mummy." They spent a lovely day together yesterday and DH has done lots of bedtimes.

We have a new one now which is "Daddy hit me". Daddy most definitely did not hit him but a while ago walked past him and knocked him. Crucially he then said sorry which of course is what you say if you hit someone. Can't wait until he announces this at nursery.

Gizlotsmum Sat 09-Apr-16 08:06:52

We get this on both sides, normally if they have been told no by me they want daddy and vice versa. We do say that it isn't nice to say you don't like someone and we show that we are sad ( often exaggerated sad faces) and it seems to work.

ChampagneTastes Sat 09-Apr-16 08:14:26

If it happened on both sides I think it would be easier to deal with but I think it's really starting to upset DH.

OnceAMeerNotAlwaysAMeer Tue 12-Apr-16 12:43:44

we've had this with our first. I really think it's a phase and that in time they grow out of it. I wonder if it's actually part of learning that each parent is a bit different and that you can love them in a slightly different way from the other parent?

It does hurt, but then in time the child comes to prefer you for some things and the other parent for others, and you realise you do have your special things that are just for you two.

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