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Reading teenager's texts?

(13 Posts)
jsf123 Tue 29-Mar-16 13:25:37


I am wondering what people think about reading teenagers texts.

Do you read them? If so why?

Do you find it a gross invasion of privacy to read the texts of teenagers without being invited to?

Does reading teenager's texts help them or does it mean they trust you less and are less likely to see you as someone trustworthy that can help them with a problem? Does it make the teenagers more sneaky and find other ways around it? At what point do you stop and let them get on with growing up? 16? 18? 20?

I don't read my teenagers' texts and have found that they are both able to come to me and discuss things that are concerning them. One of them is currently witnessing a close friend dealing with some extremely controlling behaviour by a parent that could just be easily seen as "over protective", but which is causing the child (old enough to leave home and get married legally) a lot of distress. So I'm wondering what is seen as acceptable.


ShatnersBassoon Tue 29-Mar-16 13:28:26

This sounds like the makings of a good article.

Coconutty Tue 29-Mar-16 13:29:27

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MyBreadIsEggy Tue 29-Mar-16 13:30:25

I think if you have reason to believe your teenager is up to something illegal, is in danger, or things of that nature, then IMO that's the only time you can justify invading someone's privacy by reading their texts/Facebook messages etc.
my parents never did it to me, but they did do it to my sister - and in doing so, they found the details of the lad she was buying marijuana from and reported him to the police!

WellErrr Tue 29-Mar-16 13:31:16


I'm fed up of this place being used as a research ground by disingenuous journos.

MaisieDotes Tue 29-Mar-16 13:32:08

There aren't enough hours in the day for me to read my teenager's texts. It would be a full time job in itself.

Ratbagcatbag Tue 29-Mar-16 13:32:16

I think it depends on a lot of factors. Ultimately if I'm paying the bill then I reserve the right if needed. This isn't for just every day perusing though, only if you feel there is a justified reason.
My dss at 15 got into a relationship, after many arguments over homework not being done, his mum confiscated his phone. His reaction was totally not proportionate to his phone being removed, kicking off, screaming, physically trying to get it back. His mum checked the phone, it turns out his girlfriend was sending him no less that 15 texts a day specifically threatening to kill herself and making comments of te only reason she kept breathing was because of dss. If he didn't reply to a text within 10 minutes she was even worse. Dss couldn't cope with the emotional side of that and his mum approached school with screenshots and asked for support for the gf as well as dss. So in that sense I think it was justified.

KingJoffreyLikesJaffaCakes Tue 29-Mar-16 13:33:27

Why do journalists have such crappy usernames?


jsf123 Tue 29-Mar-16 13:39:22

Definitely NOT a journo, just genuinely trying to find out if what I see as completely unreasonable behaviour is deemed normal. I have a teenager who is upset by the treatment of his gf and I need to know if I'm unreasonable siding with the girl. The father has texted ds from her 'phone. I have asked school for help too.

WellErrr Tue 29-Mar-16 13:50:43

What have school got to do with it??

Reading another persons texts is unreasonable. There.

MaisieDotes Tue 29-Mar-16 13:50:58

Ok. I might read them if I suspected there was something up that genuinely needed adult intervention- e.g. someone in danger/ being harmed.

I certainly don't read them as a matter of course.

jsf123 Tue 29-Mar-16 14:07:17

I contacted school for advice on what to do about the father texting my ds pretending to be his gf. There are guidance teachers there for the children to speak to and make advice available for parents. I also wanted to make sure someone knew of the situation if it got out of hand.

I really wanted to find out if everyone else read their teenagers' texts. Is it normal? I spoke to my sister in law and she said everyone she knew did. I was extremely shocked and thought I'd ask.

OttiliaVonBCup Tue 29-Mar-16 14:54:04

I never do.

My mother didn't believe in privacy when I was growing up and I was really unhappy with it.

Luckily the DCs are always very open about everything so I never really need to.

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