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Practical advice needed, experience welcomed - not a clue where to begin!

(5 Posts)
clashofclanswidow Fri 25-Mar-16 21:53:02

Posting here as I still have 9 weeks left until due date so I'm hoping to get any replies between now and then =)

Awkward (but sadly not that uncommon I've now found!) situation where me and exP have split whilst pregnant - he is in a new relationship already and has been for about 9-10 weeks now.

We already have a two year old together and are surprisingly amicable for her sakes (with a lot of tongue biting on my behalf!) He sees her alternate weekends and some week nights so at the moment he is still relatively involved.

He did state he wanted to be around for baby but as such, has not actually asked of her wellbeing for approx 6 weeks now, sad situation.

Anyway...back to the actual point of the thread!

I don't like not knowing what the future holds although impossible to predict...but how would you handle this situation?!

If ex does not want to play a part with baby, it would break my heart for her...but I would not stop my oldest going whilst she wanted, she is still only little. Obv I would have to deal with the upset from DD2 when she is old enough to understand it. That bit I can deal with as and when I suppose and it might change when she grows anyway. Trying not to think too far ahead but also be prepared too!

BUT - what if he does want to be in babys life, as right now he is still involved with DD1?

Trying not to make this post too long so appreciate there might be some missing details but basically how would you handle having an ex around new baby please? Anyone been through this?

Meloncoley2 Fri 25-Mar-16 22:33:25

Hi OP. I have had a similar situation, where we were separated prior to the birth of DC. It wasn't easy, in fact it was as far away from easy as it's possible to be.

Years on I could let go of the hurt, and be glad that Dc had a good relationship with their Dad.

Looking after you is what is important right now, surround yourself with a good team.

hownottofuckup Fri 25-Mar-16 22:39:10

I've let him be as involved as he's wanted to be. Let him call the shots I suppose. I don't know if that's the right approach but baby is only 5 months old and he saw the other DC regularly so I wanted to give baby every chance of having a similar relationship with him. And I figure things will pan out in time.
I think this has possibly all been made easier by the fact that so far there hasn't been a GF on the scene.

clashofclanswidow Sat 26-Mar-16 08:48:47

Oh no Meloncoley2 - glad you got through it though and I do have a good team thankfully.

That's probably what I'm going to end up doing hownottofuckup but I feel the gf makes it awkward.

They already live together and it's hard enough allowing DD1 to go there, so no doubt he will just expect me to allow DD2 there as well?

I mean I'll be BF so that won't be able to happen for a good while and he knows that but soon enough I imagine he's going to ask to have her! (and tbf, it would be easier for me in the breakup process to not have him around all the time!)

How old would you say she would need to be before you let her go?

clashofclanswidow Thu 31-Mar-16 21:58:05

Mentioned baby for first time in 6-7 weeks tonight. Not her wellbeing though...just names?! hmm

Anyone any more advice on handling ex around a new baby? smile

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