i invited a new mum friend to my home for her 4yr old to play with mine and i felt my home was nearly destroyed by her 2 and 4 yr old. She said hardly anything to her children.

(58 Posts)
stoplookandlisten Fri 25-Mar-16 10:12:30

My walls had chocolate and drawing over them. Drinks openly spilled on my floor and left there for some time. Climbing walls and running into glass doors...also chocolate over them and heavy painting frames being moved by 2 yr old which if fallen on this child would have killed her. Parent said nothing and worse still had no intention of leaving until I prompted it. I feel so stupid for inviting over. I feel so drained and depressed by this experience. Never has happened before to me.

Sunshine87 Fri 25-Mar-16 10:17:58

Where you two not supervising them?

stoplookandlisten Fri 25-Mar-16 10:18:32

Am I being mean? as I honestly still feel shocked at lack of responsibility from this parent. I honestly would never have or will let my child do this, run total riot in someone else's home ever. 2 yr old was picking things up and randomly throwing everywhere plus pulling tissue after tissue out of a box whilst mother smiled and chatted the child wiped chocolate bar after chocolate over wall, glass everywhere including drawing on walls. Parent then said she would never let her children draw and paint in her home but why the hell is she not keeping an eye to stop them from doing it my bloody house. I spent whole evening cleaning and then again in morning where I saw all the other marks.

IHeartKingThistle Fri 25-Mar-16 10:18:58

Sympathy OP. I have a lovely friend whose children do this. I now make every excuse to meet them out of the house or go to theirs. It is so awkward but that is just not OK.

With someone I'd just met I'd probably not bother pursuing the friendship tbh.

Did she apologise?

MadSprocker Fri 25-Mar-16 10:18:58

I couldn't have helped but say something. I think lesson learned really, don't invite them over again. Not all people are disrespectful of others space. The worst I had was when ds1 had a friend over when he was 6 and ds2 aged 3 asked them to make a mess, which they did, everything in his bedroom was emptied over the floor, think Lego, puzzles, board games. They all got told off. I explained to the friends mum (who I was friends with) and she couldn't see the problem hmm

99percentchocolate Fri 25-Mar-16 10:19:07

This happened to me before (in fact, if the ages weren't different then I would have thought it was the same parent!). It was a flipping nightmare, but there's not much you can do except never, ever have them in your home again unless you fancy confronting parent?

mrschatty Fri 25-Mar-16 10:19:29

Like sunshine said was there no supervision?

StealthPolarBear Fri 25-Mar-16 10:19:47

That is crap of her. However I'm the most pathetic person alive when it comes to disciplining other people's children but I'd still have managed to say something here!

mrschatty Fri 25-Mar-16 10:20:32

Ah all these posts appeared just as I posted the above ...

StealthPolarBear Fri 25-Mar-16 10:20:40

As in I could have said "chocolate hands off the wall" "leave the picture frame alone plwase"

99percentchocolate Fri 25-Mar-16 10:22:40

Just realised they drew on your walls - if you can't fix the damage then make sure you mention it to her. The woman I invited to mine (who actually wasn't invited, she just followed me home) let her kids destroy my DD's brand new expensive toy (birthday present from grandparents) Luckily I managed to fix it but it took a lot of effort. I didn't say anything to her about the damage but I wish I had as her kids have also done it in other houses too.

GlitteryFluff Fri 25-Mar-16 10:31:06

I would have said something ie 'oh no don't touch that picture frame- if it fell on you it would hurt' etc
Or 'no touching things with chocolate hands, let's go get cleaned up' etc
Rather than a) let my house get destroyed and b) potentially let a child be badly hurt in my home.
Yes it's her responsibility primarily but if she's not dealing with it then I would have had to.

Sunshine87 Fri 25-Mar-16 10:34:27

OP if you witness to these antics why did you not stop it as I said where were you two of you during this time?

hesterton Fri 25-Mar-16 10:37:25

Sounds like she expected you to reinforce the boundaries. Not fair - she should have the same if not higher standards for your home as for her own - but you perhaps need to be more assertive at your own place.

MNetter15 Fri 25-Mar-16 10:38:06

Happened in my house a few years ago with my friend's toddlers, although not as severe as yours, so now I suggest we meet in a public place or I check the weather forecast in Summer before inviting them, and stay outside. She has another toddler now and thinks it's great fun shock

MNetter15 Fri 25-Mar-16 10:38:43

The strangest thing of all is that her house is spotless shock

Lunar1 Fri 25-Mar-16 10:39:50

Did you tell them to stop?

stoplookandlisten Fri 25-Mar-16 10:56:39

of course I was and every time I said something she looked displeased which in turn made it difficult to say anything. What would you have done?

stoplookandlisten Fri 25-Mar-16 11:00:50

Sorry meant to reply to sunshine and chatty....of course I was there and trying to supervise.

Coconutty Fri 25-Mar-16 11:03:21

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

stoplookandlisten Fri 25-Mar-16 11:12:14

Thanks to all who understand and have gone through similar experience. I will not ever meet in my house and only meet outside. I will also limit that to less and less. I'm finding my way in new area with new people around me.

I still am shocked but comforted by understanding posts on this thread. Thanks.

It cost me £3000 to have my new house recently painted and I am a single mother....all this other mother is aware of......bloody cheek of her to just sit there and say not much. She did say sorry but still let more things continue. I feel also that she would have just sat there and not even left. She came an hour and half late with not even a phone call that she was late until I had called her an hour and half after she was due over if all ok. I don't like this and I do not want this in my life actually.

I just worry that as I am new I should be making friends which I do find easy to do but with the right kind of person. I just feel a little bad as the mum is very nice but not in my home thanks.

Whenever I do stand up to people I give give them a full 100% piece of my mind and dessert and I just didn't want to make her angry. I think she is sort of mum that would get v angry and voice this to other mums.

KaraokeQueenOfTheNorth Fri 25-Mar-16 11:17:55

Oh I have a friend like this who doesn't supervise her children at all. I never invite her over anymore, I can't take the stress and mess, and I don't get to talk to her as I am having to supervise her child. I sometimes wonder if she has noticed that I never invite her over anymore...

stoplookandlisten Fri 25-Mar-16 11:20:03

Another thing 'Sunshine' why would you think I would say nothing to 'antics' going on? How about posting a helpful suggestion? Maybe you don't mean it and it's just you but your comments sound cold.

WhoTheFuckIsSimon Fri 25-Mar-16 11:23:21

You don't invite her back. I had similar with a friend who came over with her 8yo who was a nightmare. Dh said she's not to come back. Friend can come again but only in school hours

stoplookandlisten Fri 25-Mar-16 11:33:00

I am 100% not inviting her back.

I do know that her partner drives her round the bend and is extremely unhelpful and I feel she wanted to plonk herself here at the opportunity purely to get away from him and yes chat with me but I am not going to deal with her chaos and for them to leave my nice clean tidy home into a sxxt hole. Even if she's desperate I won't let her in. I didn't sleep last night because of all of this.

I can't afford to have a cleaner but am happy to clean my house everyday. I have a lodger who told me this morning her walls were vibrating with noise from her two kids going up and down.

I have to say in my 4 yrs of being a single mother and knowing many other mums and children I have never experienced that and will never let this continue in my house. If it does I will just ask the people involved to leave. This has frightened me from ever wanting to invite anyone to my home again.

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