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How did you decide to have a third child or to stop at 2?

(39 Posts)
Kayleighann Sat 19-Mar-16 16:24:51

Hi I have 2 children aged 10 and 6, I have been debating a third for about 3 years now!! I literally feel like I'm losing my mind with this decision.
I go from 100% yes defiantly to 100% no daily!!
I feel like sticking with 2 is the easy option. My 2 are going in to the older phase, they are both at school full time. Life seems a breeze (most of the time) so why won't the nagging feeling for a third go away.
When I first started feeling like this I thought it was a broody phase but I just can't stop thinking about it.
I then think if I'm driving myself so mad then I obviously want one but then I panic... Pregnancy, morning sickness, the newborn stages getting up in the night, a screaming baby, a tantrum toddler! Do I really want to go through all that again.
My oh is happy ether way so not very helpful with the decision.

I worry my 2 would feel left out, I worry about holidays, days out etc everything seems harder with 3.

But the thought of not having another makes be well up. The thought of never going through it all again. : (

How did you decide? What did u decide?

I feel like I spent 90% of my time thinking about it. I'm 34 now and can hear the clock ticking, my kids are getting older, age gaps getting bigger confused hmm

Also most of my friends have a baby or toddler and I get so broody every time and think I want that again. It doesn't help with my decision seeing all these lovely babies.

sophiaslullaby Sun 20-Mar-16 20:31:19

Reading between the lines I think you 100% do want another (and bonus that you have the support of your DH). The times you feel you 100% don't is just the panic talking. But you've been through it all twice before so can do it.

I guess on a practical level you need to decide if you can financially do it.
When you worry about your other 2 children feeling left out - did your first feel left out when you had your 2nd? Your first two have each other, consider that they may love having a little baby to play with and look after.
And maybe now is the right time now your older two are at school....

Speaking from family experience - I'm eldest of 4 - my parents had 2 children then 2 more 13 years later! Worked perfectly and I adore my baby sisters.

LidikaLikes Mon 21-Mar-16 19:44:37

No idea, OP, but I'm wondering this myself at the moment!!

BotBotticelli Tue 22-Mar-16 13:28:30

Sounds like you really want one!! Go for it. You would know if you were "done" trust me!!

I have two kids age 3 and 7 months and I have known since I got pregnant that I never wanted any more after this. I still feel the same and am sure I will never change my mind. I just know.

GizzyBoo Tue 22-Mar-16 13:33:35

I have a 19yo a 17yo and a 13 yo.
I also have a 3yo and I'm 32 weeks pregnant.
I have loved going back to the baby/toddler stage. #4 has brought such joy and fun in to our home. He is a delight.
It is also wonderful seeing the older children building a relationship with the younger one. He adores his big brothers and sister.

If it's what you want then go for it. I knew after #3 I wasn't done but it was a long time before it was practical to go for #4. We have no regrets.

TheNumberfaker Tue 22-Mar-16 13:39:43

Pre children I thought I wanted 3 or 4. After DD1 I definitely wanted another, after DD2 I knew I couldn't go through it all again. Pregnancy, childbirth and breastfeeding were all fine, but the stress of trying to get pregnant and the excruciating months and months and months of sleep deprivation... Nah, never again!

I do still feel sad sometimes that I'll never carry another baby but my head rules on this one!

rallytog1 Tue 22-Mar-16 21:30:35

I'm the same as Number. Always thought I might want 3 but as soon as the spinal for my elcs started going in, part of me just knew it would be for the last time, and I felt relief, not sorrow.

Also afterwards the consultant afterwards came and told me I'd be putting my health at serious risk if I had another. And again, I felt relief.

Iwillorderthefood Wed 23-Mar-16 22:18:57

We have a surprise number 3, it's been really hard, my husband travels a lot and we have no space for an au pair or the like. She's nearly two and still does not sleep well. However, she is wonderful, a sunny personality who everyone loves. I never really felt like I was done, but had absolutely assumed that two was it. We wondered sometimes but not very hard. I can now absolutely say I am totally and utterly done.

Three is lovely, but there is never going to be a number four.

StandoutMop Wed 23-Mar-16 22:34:17

Alcohol was a major factor in our jump from 2 to 3 grinl

ayesar Thu 24-Mar-16 03:15:16

Gosh I feel like I am you. My kids are 3 and almost 5 and I have been thinking of a third for the last year. Got pregnant a few months ago but ended in miscarriage. Since then hubby decided he doesn't want any more kids and he's totally done. He wants his independence, energy, ability to travel more, etc. it all makes sense and he's actually right, but it's hard as I do still think about another child. Everyone I know, including parents, in laws, siblings and friends all said do not have a third and stop at 2. They say why complicate your life when you have everything anyone could want. So basically I am trying to accept that we are done and I think I'll be ok. If you and your hubby we on board then go for it, but make sure it's something you want 100%. It's a big decision to make.

CheerfulYank Thu 24-Mar-16 03:29:41

#3 was a surprise, but I'd wanted one anyone. Now I want 4 grin We'll see!

It sounds like you want one!

madwomanbackintheattic Thu 24-Mar-16 03:37:00

We didn't make any decisions, tbh. #3 just happened. In the event, she was brain damaged at birth, so that made it a bit easier to make a decision to prevent there being a #4. Dh had the snip before she left SCBU. Sometimes you get a bigger surprise than you didn't plan for, lol... (She's ace btw, and I did make the suggestion at one point that we try for reversal and give #4 a go, but Dh was, erm, not keen)
Whatever will be, will be, and all that.

Sometimesithinkimbonkers Thu 24-Mar-16 04:19:32

Durex made the decision for us!!!!!

We are happy she came but she was NOT invited to the party!!!

GiraffesAndButterflies Thu 24-Mar-16 04:56:16

DC2 is 6wo and I know we won't deliberately have a DC3.

If we won the lottery it would be top of my list; during pregnancy with DC2 I have increasingly felt I'd love a 3rd. But without that, it would be a big change to our lifestyle and strain on our finances. DH was happy to have DC2 but would not choose a DC3 unless our life was very very easy in other ways, eg being able to easily afford new house/car/etc to accommodate him or her. I can live with stopping at two; I'm happy that DH didn't insist on stopping at one grin

LadyCassandra Thu 24-Mar-16 05:25:35

We're in the same stage as you OP. We have a 7yo and a nearly 4yo. DH is 100% in for a third and I change my mind every day.
We've given ourselves this year to think about it with a decision to be made in November, which gives us this year to get ourselves financially straight and time to both really consider it. By this time though, DS1 will be 8 and DS2 4.5 and I have a feeling we might decide we've missed the boat timing wise.
The things against are: disapproval from family (I had PND with DS2, mainly due to financial stress), my stress levels (I don't think I'm a great mum of 2), the age gap (feel like the older two will be at a totally different stage) and the fact that things are starting to get a little easier just recently.
But I'm not done, I don't get that "ok, that's enough" feeling confused

Jw35 Thu 24-Mar-16 06:38:43

I think you should have 2 more op! Then they can play together as the older two are reasonably close in age too. Sorry not helpful!

I have a 12 year old, 15 month old and I'm. 21 weeks pregnant. I was 34 when I decided to have dc2 because I got broody and worried about time running out. I'm now loving being a mum of a toddler again!

My circumstances were that I always wanted more than one child but due to a relationship break down it didn't happen. I was single for years and my toddler and baby to be were eventually conceived via a donor. Had I had 2 children I may not have had more but I can't know that for sure!

ayesar Sat 26-Mar-16 00:07:13

Those who gave three, were your husbands wanting a third as much as you? Mine is just not on board.

Millionairerow Sat 26-Mar-16 13:24:08

Three has made our family complete but on my 6 th load of washing is no fun !grin

knittingbee Sat 26-Mar-16 20:01:38

How old I would be when the next baby was 3/4 put me off. They're so high energy and I'm already knackered with a 4yo and almost-2yo, and I'm 38. Didn't fancy being 42 and having to chase a preschooler around!

CorkyBark Sat 26-Mar-16 20:08:07

For me it's hard to close that door. Would it be good idea to try for a third? I don't know, but until it's physically impossible I think I'll always wonder. I find two extremely stressful sometimes. Husband completely against the idea!

RhinestoneCowgirl Sat 26-Mar-16 20:08:44

I had rose tinted dreams about DC3, but DH wasn't keen. I took quite a bit of time off work after DC2 and only went back to work when she was 4.

I was in a job that I didn't really enjoy and I think the baby daydreams were more to do with that than anything else.

DC are now 7 and 9 and I've changed jobs and have lots of other projects going on and funnily enough I'm not broodu any more! Good job too as DH has recently had the snip...

cuntinghomicidalcardigan Sat 26-Mar-16 20:09:53

I am firmly stopped at 2. Dd1 is lovely, always slept, eats anything and everything and very bright and easy to talk to and play with. Ds2 is a completely different kettle of fish! Has never slept, has food allergies and has a very limited diet that he will contemplate, never sits down or relaxes. (He is also lovely, funny and loving, always wanting cuddles from his mummy and a very confident happy little boy - just for balance).

However, since ds came along I definitely have no energy left over for another. I know my family is complete and I'm content smile

Coldtoeswarmheart Sat 26-Mar-16 20:12:29

I would have had a third if I could have done it before 40, but couldn't so I have 2. I don't feel sorry about it now.

Lightbulbon Sat 26-Mar-16 20:35:53

I was similar.

We went for it had dc3 when I was 35 and dc2 7yo.

Pros: lovely baby!
Has brought out nurturing side to older dcs
We like being busy
Seeing me bf has 'normalised' it for older DC who are old enough to remember it
Older DC can watch baby for 5 mins so I get to pee in peace!
We know what we are doing and don't have pfb angst
Dcs have a choice of siblings to interact with
I think we are appreciating it all more this time-dc3 is a joy rather than a chore

Cons: we have had to curtail most of older dcs activities for months
-finding things we can all do is nearly impossible
Being older we are tired and achy
-long term there will be less money for each child
-older esp middle DC isn't getting quite as much attention
-no one can babysit all 3
-I wouldn't even attempt public transport with 3
-the logistics of 3 schools/nurseries
-family feels 'odd' now which is making me want dc4!

Cantstanddisney Sat 26-Mar-16 21:38:21

I am feeling like I will love a 3rd. Dc1 is 4 and baby is 1. Dh is not keen but I feel like I've been cheated as when pg with dc2 I was not told it was my last so did not"appreciate" it, 3Rd was still on the table. I feel like you shouldn't have to talk Dh into it though: If they don't want then they don't want just the same as you do..... I'd you're at that point I think you just have to realise that I'd one of you doesn't want it then it can't happen

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