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Is this normal to do?

(17 Posts)
Ohsotired123 Sat 12-Mar-16 09:50:05

Ok so is is normal would you say for your mother in law to call your daughter a nannys girl but on quite a regular basis. She doesn't say it every time but it is most time we see her. Examples are:

Walking through her door and her saying hello nannys girl, you're nannys girl you are, yes you are. While DD is in my arms and before she even says hello to me and dp.

Saying it randomly to my DD.

Saying to family members that she's a nannys girl

Saying to DD in front of me that she may be a mummy's girl but she will be a nannys girl when mummy goes back to work. She will look after her for 1 day.

This makes me feel uneasy because he says it often, not all the time but she does say often that she's nannys girl. To me she is a mummy's girl and she's also a daddy's girl, I don't want her to ever be 'her girl' because she's not her child. How would it make you feel.

hownottofuckup Sat 12-Mar-16 09:53:45

It's just words, means nothing except she loves her grandchild and hopes to have a relationship with her.
If I felt anything at all it would be pleased she was so keen.
Probably not what you wanted to hear!

luckiestgirlintheworld Sat 12-Mar-16 09:54:26

Yep, normal. She's proud of her granddaughter and loves her. In the same way it makes you feel nice thinking of her as mummy's girl (because you are her mum), it makes her feel nice thinking of her as nannys girl (because she IS her nanny).
How lovely that she's so proud of her.

BertrandRussell Sat 12-Mar-16 09:58:10

Yes, perfectly normal. I still remember my mum putting her head round the front door and calling "Where's my girl?" hearing dd calling "Here I am!" And running downstairs to fling herself into Grandma's arms.

Dd talked about it at her funeral.

fuzzyllama Sat 12-Mar-16 09:59:44

My mum does this and it doesn't bother me in the slightest. I think it is a very normal thing for grandparents to do.

Cinnamon2013 Sat 12-Mar-16 10:01:14

My mum's always called my DS 'her baby'. Tbh I feel so lucky that she's around and healthy to be part of his life that I'd let a whole lot go by, even if it did bother me.

Quietwhenreading Sat 12-Mar-16 10:01:37

I suspect it comes from insecurity, she is reassuring herself that the baby loves her, telling everyone else that the baby loves her.

Don't worry your baby loves you best and always will, regardless of what MIL says.

My pil used to refer to mil as Mummy' in reference to my children. So FIL would be holding my son and 'say go to Mummy' and hand him to MIL.

I few no nonsense repetitions of "I'm Mummy" with a firm look did the trick. smile

WalkThePlank0 Sat 12-Mar-16 10:04:35

I think it's ok too.

But when I had DS1 my MIL did something similar and it unnerved me for a while too. This was when I was exhausted and hormonal and a bit overwhelmed. I was a bit of a coiled spring in those early days. It passed and I have since been grateful for her support.

Maybe83 Sat 12-Mar-16 10:08:56

My mil calls my dd nanny's baby or nannys girl. She has much older grandchildren, number of older foster children and some of her older children still living in her home.

She loves the relationship she has with dd. She spends one day a week with her and out of the relationships she has dd is the baby. I love how excited it makes youngest dd she loves running in the door to a big hug and calls of here s nanny baby! I feel happy going to work and leaving her there. Same with my mam.

Our children have close relationship s with both grandparents aunts and uncles. Days out with out us, sleep overs etc. The older ones holidays. They all have different ways of addressing the children now I think of it variations of their names etc.

They all know we are mammy and daddy I don't think that takes away from the relationship we have with them. It's never something I ve felt uncomfortable with.

mrschatty Sat 12-Mar-16 10:13:22

I think it's normal like others have said she just loves your DD so much and that's nice!!
I believe that children are members of the family in their own right they arnt owned by anyone not even mum! And it makes them feel loved secure and a part of the family to have a special bond with more than one or two eg mum and dad.

BertieBotts Sat 12-Mar-16 10:16:40

I think it's normal as well but I suspect there is some backstory.

Highlove Sat 12-Mar-16 17:17:37

My mum does it to my DD - I think it's quite sweet and totally normal. Doesn't bother me in the slightest.

BUT if you perhaps already have a tricky relationship with her then that's different. If my father's wife - whom I have a difficult relationship with - said something similar, I'd be really uncomfortable about it.

Tallulahoola Sun 13-Mar-16 21:42:53

My MIL does this. I hate it. There's a back story though - she has been OBSESSED with having a grandchild for years and almost behaves like the DCs are hers (eg if the baby wakes up from a nap and cries she will instantly leap up without asking and try to beat me to the door, then say 'Oh, you're going to go, are you?' while looking furious) and is weirdly competitive about it. I'm not going to vent any more because this is your thread not mine but i think if you have issues like this then I understand why you feel uneasy about it.

Ohsotired123 Mon 14-Mar-16 18:47:38

Tallulahoola - have a rant it does you good from time to time!

Maybe a lot of the other people have normal mother in laws, I believe I don't :-). Mine too waited for years to be a nanny, her eldest has had trouble conceiving and suffered a miscarriage so my DD is her first grandchild. She even has a nursery of her own, cot, wallpaper, curtains. She is a nutcase.

Only yesterday she told my DD that she and her will be bestest friends. Competing at its finest.

Tallulahoola Mon 14-Mar-16 20:32:19

MIL's house doesn't have room for a nursery otherwise she would totally do this! She also cries (I mean really snottily sobs) when she has to say goodbye to DD. I once watched a programme about women who had dolls made up to look exactly like babies that they pushed round in prams and pretended were real, it was called something like Reborn Baby Dolls, and I was praying MIL wasn't watching it to get any ideas grin

BertrandRussell Mon 14-Mar-16 20:37:49

All these bloody women, loving their grandchildren. Don't they realize their time has passed and they should just go and sit in a cupboard from now on. Oh, unless they are needed for babysitting under a very strict set of rules.

Needmorewine Mon 14-Mar-16 21:21:11

No I would hate that.

My mum does it and I love it grin but wouldn't be happy if it was something MIL did. But then our relationship is strained at best.

However if she is giving you free childcare when you go back to work there isn't a lot you can do about it personally I would always pay for childcare rather than let MIL get her hands on DD

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