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do you ever feel unappreciated

(9 Posts)
itsallme1234 Fri 11-Mar-16 19:26:35

Sorry if this is a long post and in the wrong place, but do you ever feel unappreciated not only by your children but your partner too??

Don't get me wrong i love my child and husband but i still feel that needs to tell me every now and again that i am doing a good job.

Take this week for example yes he has worked a 7 out of a 9 day week and that included 3 nights. BUT during those nights yes it was me who got up with our child who only sleeps 3 hours a night, yes it was me who kept her entertained while you slept.
Yes i know you go out to work and i am only a stay at home mum as you put it who looks after our child who has severe medical needs. Yes it was me who does not get a break even when i pop to the loo.
Yes i know the house is a mess and i wish it was tidier but looking after our child is a 24/7 job and i don't get a break let alone being able to sit down and eat or even enjoy a HOT drink!
SO yes i am sorry if i need you to put your child to bed tonight so i can sit on the computer for 2 mins and type this before i tell you where you can shove your moaning because of the state of the place.

All i want is for you once to turn to me and say thank you.
feel slightly better now

Tvfan1981b Sat 12-Mar-16 21:40:21

He does appreciate you but takes it for granted but won't say it.
Does he actually say you are just a SAHM and criticise you or do you perhaps read too much into it?

I would talk to him. Men are idiots sometimes.

itsallme1234 Sun 13-Mar-16 19:49:01

Yes he will tell me that i am just a SAHM and will even tell his work mates this too which hurts me.

I tried talking to him about it but just get well you don't go out to work do you or earn the money so you don't get a say.

As you said men are idiots

Sallyhasleftthebuilding Sun 13-Mar-16 20:07:13

Your job is 24/7 voluntary position with no breaks no holidays and no sick pay -

I suggest you ask him

1) to swap rolls
2) to stop moaning or start cleaning
3) what would he do if you left?

I told DH that the cost of my labour was £96k a year according to national statistics - and that's without any medical stuff going on!

MyBreadIsEggy Sun 13-Mar-16 20:32:23

I love my DH fiercely....but I feel underappreciated most of the time.
He leaves the house at 7:30am every day, taking our only car with him most days.
I spend all day at home with DD (11mo), so I take care of all the naptimes, all meal times, all nappy changes, play time, laundry, cleaning, cook dinner for 5pm every day etc.
DH comes home around 4:30/5pm. If I ask him to change DD's nappy while I finish cooking, he acts like I've asked him to retrieve the pot of gold at the end of the fucking rainbow!
After we've all had dinner together, we watch Cbeebies bedtime hour (well DD and I do, DH either plays with his phone or laptop), and then head up for a bath. DH does take care of bath time, while I put away any clean laundry in our bedroom. I then give DD her bottle of milk and put her to bed.
Then we have a day like today.....
We've spent a few hours together this afternoon, and then DH's mates from work, who live down the road knock on the door and ask if he's coming to the pub. DH doesn't even drink!! But he goes anyway, assuring me he will only be an hour.....4 hours later, he comes home and wonders why I'm upset that half of our Sunday has been wasted on his mates that he spends all day, every day with at work!!! angry
I've been hinting that he could do more to help out around the house, and with DD for ages now, but tonight I told him plainly that I feel like a single parent majority of the time.
And he was shocked by this revalation?! hmm

StrumpersPlunkett Sun 13-Mar-16 20:40:52

It does feel so hard when you are in this situation.
I would honestly plan some times for yourself when dh will look after your child/ren.
A walk with a friend, a cup of tea. It doesn't have to be dancing on the tables.
When your dh spends more time with your child he will more than likely gain more of an appreciation of what you mean.
Good luck. Take control and change things to a way you are happier.

itsallme1234 Mon 14-Mar-16 08:37:12

I have on more then on occasion thought about leaving him and would i be better off.

StrumpersPlunkett I would love some time to myself i really would but since my child was born i have only had 1 night to myself and that was when my child was in HDU in hospital and i could not stay. The only time i get to myself now are the couple of hours she is at nursery.

Its all starting to take its strain on me.

mybread i know what you mean, my husband leaves for work at 5am and does not get home till half 8/9pm i know he works bloody hard and i tell him this all the time because he is one of those men who needs telling.

He is off this week due to little ones birthday and so far he has not helped at all he has been too tired. But was not tired enough to go to watch the rugby. Or play on the computer while i try to catch up on the house and get the house ready for visitors. We have a party of the little one this week and he has already told me he wont be there because he is going out to lunch with his mates and he will be out all day!! I could scream.
While i am still doing everything he is just sat on the phone.

I have currently left all the washing up because i have asked him to do it and he hasn't so i am guessing he is waiting for me to do it. I am holding off for as long as possible without doing it but i know i will give in.

Sallyhasleftthebuilding Mon 14-Mar-16 12:49:16

I had this with my DH when we were childless - one night I washed up the next his - if it wasn't done the next day was still "his" day - soon ran out of cups and the pile grew and grew - didn't take him long to work out that it was better to get it done!!

Stand back woman and let him do it weather it's later today or Wednesday!!

Lovewatchingrainfall Mon 14-Mar-16 14:53:52

Thank you Sally, i have so far managed to leave it. and it has made me notice how many cups he uses in one morning when he is here! MEN

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