If you worked out that your 16 yo DD was making herself sick after meals..

[indescribablybeautiful]

..how would you feel and what would you do?

[Girliefriendlikesflowers]

worried and talk to her.

[indescribablybeautiful]

Thanks girlie, what would you say to her?

[Dungandbother]

There's a charity called B-eat

Have a look on there for help maybe?
(Beat eating disorders)

[Girliefriendlikesflowers]

I would try and find out if there was anything worrying her, if she was feeling stressed/anxious about anything. Maybe hint at your concerns without making it sound like you are accusing her of anything iyswim.

I would also try and have a read around some of the reasons behind bulimia so you can get some ideas of why your dd might be doing it.

I imagine some counselling would really help your dd, school or GP might be able to point you in the right direction.

[PacificDogwod]

Are you asking about your DD?
How did you figure it out?

I would wait for a calm and happy moment and ask her how she was doing. Fun at school? Happy with friends? Doing ok with academic work? Have a chat and see what she says.

[PacificDogwod]

BEAT is very good.

[SouthWestmom]

Right now? Exhausted. And not up for the very long haul it would be.

I would get serious help straight away although realistically camhs is a bloody long waiting list and I would be very clear this was a terrible idea.

But that's based on my own experiences.

[Humphriescushion]

I would be beside myself with worry. I would google to see what help was available ( beat example good). I would find a quiet moment when she was relaxed and ask how she was doing. If she did not open up i would calmly and in a very non confrontional way tell her what I had heard. Then i found some help asap. Eg a good counsellor.
Sorry if you are going through this.

[Humphriescushion]

When I say " what I had heard" i meant that i had heard her being sick. Although this may not be the case for you.

[goodenoughmum88]

As above, calmly talk through etc but whilst waiting for counselling also consider a gp apt to get bloods tested as purging really messes with potassium levels which can be dangerous. If it's a regular thing she can't stop she needs monitoring and advice on the safest ways until she gets help.
Hugs to you.

[NewLife4Me]

I'd be really worried and I feel for you. [Thanks]
I have no idea what I'd do.

[strongswans]

Talk to her calmly, ask her, do not pressure her or question her. If this is what she is doing she does need help, but the help is no good if she is not ready/ doesn't want it. Eating disorders make you want to keep it a secret so if you go I'm to harsh she won't want to know. Beat is good, there are also lots of Facebook groups to support. A lot of eating disorders have a stressor so find out if anything is causing her to worry. Talk about this. As a pp said vomititing excessively can cause low potassium and is very dangerous, I was taken into intensive care with this, not meaning to scare you but to show you what it can cause. Please massage me if you want to, I have lots of experience. I hope your DD can get the help she needs soon.

[ProfGrammaticus]

Are you asking about your own DD?

[indescribablybeautiful]

Ah ok. Thank you all.

Please don't worry anybody.

The teenager in question was my 16 year old self of 20 years ago. My mother bollocked me.

Am going through counselling right now and my counsellor has suggested that that her reaction was perhaps not normal. It certainly isn't how I'd react to my DD having the same issues but my radar is all a bit skew whiff when it comes to mother-daughter things..

Thanks for all responses.

[PacificDogwod]

Aw, you poor thing.
Glad to hear you are getting support.
I hope you can work through it all.
Sounds like your radar is more sound than you give yourself credit for

[SouthWestmom]

Ahh see I'm with your mother now. Having seen the huge damage and the long long lasting impact I'd be livid with dd. So maybe there was more to her reaction than you are aware of?

[indescribablybeautiful]

Not sure what you mean. I've had an ED on and off for the last 20 years so not sure what the bollocking achieved? Fairly sure I have a better idea of the long lasting impact of it than she does, though.

[SouthWestmom]

Well just that my reaction to dd ( in theory ) would be driven by my experiences. Which she may not know about. And no, I'm.not saying the rollicking achieved much I'm answering your original question.

[mineofuselessinformation]

noeuf, your post is not helpful at all.
OP, I'm just wondering if your mum didn't know how to react? Eating disorders were very poorly understood then. I'm not excusing it, by the way, just thinking that maybe she didn't know any better.
I hope you can get some resolution on this.

[SouthWestmom]

Sorry I'm answering the bloody question. So sorry my experiences aren't good enough for this thread. What help is needed anyway? Op is seeing a counsellor, she doesn't have a dd with an eating disorder.

[PacificDogwod]

Oh, I can totally see how if I stumbled across a discovery like that, I might react with shock and fury rather than in more constructive ways - I'm not proud of sometimes not thinking things through.
I think if you are still struggling with your mum's reaction to finding out about your ED, there was more that followed after (or came before?) than just her immediate angry reaction.

[Dixiechick17]

My Mum was angry, she just didn't and couldn't understand why I was doing it, she was frustrated that she couldn't make it all better and she was so worried about me, she didn't know how to deal with it at all, looking back now I know this is why she reacted badly to it. Have you asked your Mother? It's taken a long time for my Mum to understand that an ED is not something that just goes away and she has been an amazing support since she learned more about it.

[Friendlystories]

I think although your mums' reaction was clearly wrong in terms of helping you, any anger you feel towards her could possibly be tempered by a couple of other factors. Firstly fear, which was probably what she felt on finding out, may have caused a knee jerk reaction to shout at you, although whether that's in any way excusable would depend on whether you felt it came out of concern for you. The other thing is that education around ED has come a long way in 20 years, we're much more aware of the need to approach things in a sensitive way now than we would have been then and of the damage which can be done by reacting as your mum did. You know your mum and your relationship with her and are best placed to judge whether these factors would have had any bearing on her reaction but FWIW I don't necessarily think it would have been unusual to react like that back then. That's not to say it wasn't wrong or unhelpful to give you a bollocking, patently it was and I hope we've moved on considerably in our understanding of ED these days.

[Qwebec]

I had issues, as a teen. One parent was very quiet about it and left me the space I needed while being available to talk anytime. The other went crazy, screamed at me and shut me off for a while. Both loved me, one just did not know how to deal with the anxiety that my behaviors instilled.

You know your mum best, but as Fern25 said maybe she reacted the best she would under the cirmustances, being afraid for you and not knowing how to deal with what was going on.