Could this be PND? Angry all the time(3 Posts)
Wasn't sure where to post this. Sorry if it's long.
DD is 4 months old. I had a very easy pregnancy and labour but 3rd degree tear resulting in spinal sitches etc. I was away from her for 3 hours so she didn't feed in that time and midwives later told me this is why I struggled to establish bf. Therefore she is ff, and thriving. (I do feel a bit guilty for not trying harder to bf but I honestly hated it)
Since she's been born I've struggled with anger, it's all so irrational I hate myself for feeling this way. The smallest thing makes my piss boil and I just don't know how to deal with it. I'll have a few good days and then something just sets me off. This then lasts a day or so because I end up saying something awful to DH and he then gives me time to cool off before approaching me again. To be fair the poor man is on tenterhooks wondering when he's going to get his head bit off next.
When DD spits milk all over herself it drives me mad. She won't go back to sleep at 3am after a feed-I can feel myself tense up and the anger just rises. These are just silly little examples of how stupid things make me so mad. And even typing them I can see what an idiot I sound like.
This culminated at the weekend when we were at my aunties house with a lot of people and I think DD was overwhelmed. She was ridiculously overtired after being passed from pillar to post by various people and then dumped on me when she started crying. In hindsight (isn't it wonderful) I should have taken her off them sooner but I appreciated the break. I could feel myself getting angrier and angrier with her the longer it went on, she was hysterical by the time we got home and still fought sleep for hours. (I'm well aware she may have been feeding off my bad vibes which makes me feel even worse) I told DH I wanted to give her up I couldn't take it anymore and I'm scared one day I'm going to get angry I'll do or say something I can't take back or rectify.
DD is a lovely baby, she sleeps relatively well, feeds like a horse and is a happy little thing. However, for the last few weeks now she has become quite a clingy madam, she'll allow DH to feed/change/dress her etc but in general she won't be held by him so settling for sleep or nap time, or settling her when she's upset falls to me as she will not tolerate him. As a result I feel more and more trapped by her, I sometimes struggle to even go into the kitchen before she screams. Some days I don't eat until 2/3pm because she just won't go down. This is also where I feel resentment building as DH can go to work, he can shower in peace, he gets time away from DD to be himself.
I should say, DH is very good. Having a baby has been a huge learning curve for us both and practically he is a great dad but he struggles in the emotional sense. I think he's one of these men who has had to learn how to be with a baby rather than it come naturally IYKWIM. So I feel like I have to take over and/or show him absolutely everything down to the last detail. He adores DD but I can feel him distancing himself from me the angrier and more vile I become.
I go to baby groups and see other moms with their babies and often wonder if they ever get this feeling? I know I need to get myself sorted with this as I can tell that all three of us are suffering (in different ways) as a result of me being this way.
Could this be PND or am I just a miserable cow who needs to count to ten before reacting (and not let silly little things get to me)?
Go and see your GP, it could possibly be PND or anxiety manifesting as anger.
Also try a baby wrap to put baby in so you can potter around the house in. It sounds like you also need a break, could you book in to a cheap hotel for the night by yourself? I did and it was life saver
Also op, your recognising this issue which is s big step forward. Well done.
But if you feel yourself getting angry around baby put her in safe place and leave the room for a short while.
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