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Where have the child-centred, attachment parents gone?

(47 Posts)
parrotonmyshoulder Sun 06-Mar-16 07:54:13

There used to be so many like minded parents on here when my DD1 was a baby and toddler. Now it seems like every thread asking for advice about a tantrumming toddler or pushy preschooler is instantly met with cries of 'she's just a brat', 'you sound weak and pathetic', 'you're just the kind of parent we all hate', 'I'll probably be flamed but he needs a slap' and similar. Then more and more posters pile in to agree.

There are fewer voices in support of the child's emotional development, acceptance of difference, understanding that some children need different approaches.

There doesn't seem as much thought as there used to be.

TheWeeBabySeamus1 Sun 06-Mar-16 08:07:26

You must be reading different threads to me because I have never known someone to encourage slapping a child... quite the opposite, most posters are very anti-hitting. Has someone said this recently?

Bishybishybarnabee Sun 06-Mar-16 08:23:22

Can you point out some examples? That genuinely is the opposite of the impression I get from reading threads.

christinarossetti Sun 06-Mar-16 08:30:52

I've never seen post advising slapping either, or calling a child a brat.

parrotonmyshoulder Sun 06-Mar-16 08:33:13

Really? Perhaps I'm just noticing it more then. I don't really need to read the parenting and behaviour threads that much anymore, so it might be that these things stand out for me.

Not supposed to give examples, as that would be a 'TAAT' and much frowned upon. The current thread which was about a DH and the way he spoke to the OP's DC, was one which grabbed my attention today. I haven't posted on it as it had gone too far into the kind of thing I've posted above to make any alternative viewpoint noticeable. That's what happens, I think. Lots of posters with one point of view, all in agreement. It then means that one post with a different perspective gets overlooked. So that different voice is either not posted or not heard when it is, and the thread moves quickly on with the same voice as before.

parrotonmyshoulder Sun 06-Mar-16 08:33:45

Christina, you've never seen posts calling children brats on here?

CallarMorvern Sun 06-Mar-16 08:50:02

I also read the same thread, think it might have been on AIBU though, which might explain it. I read the answers and thought gosh, what a nasty bunch.

christinarossetti Sun 06-Mar-16 09:02:53

No. I've seen people talk about 'brattish behaviour' but I honestly can't recollect ever having seen a child called a brat.

parrotonmyshoulder Sun 06-Mar-16 09:07:36

Maybe I'm reading too many AIBU threads I guess. Skews my viewpoint.

SirChenjin Sun 06-Mar-16 09:12:03

You're making sweeping generalisations which isn't helping to make your post sound measured.

"every thread asking for advice about a tantrumming toddler or pushy preschooler is instantly met with cries of 'she's just a brat', 'you sound weak and pathetic', 'you're just the kind of parent we all hate', 'I'll probably be flamed but he needs a slap' and similar. Then more and more posters pile in to agree"?

No it isn't. There are goady posters that crop up across the MN boards but it's best to ignore them.

TheSecondOfHerName Sun 06-Mar-16 09:14:46

Where have the child-centred, attachment parents gone?

They're too exhausted to comment.

DangerMouth Sun 06-Mar-16 09:15:42

Dh and l call our 2 dc little brats but it's not a horrible word where we grew up and we say it in jest.

The first time l said it in front on the CM she was very displeased! A few weeks later she called dd1 a little tinker (also in jest) which is far worse in my mind and as dh is Irish he would find it offensive.

I think what is happening though is that parents arent 'attachment parenting' but parenting poorly. As, IMO, that OP was. Genuine AP is gentle but constructive and l doubt a 40 minute ridiculous meltdown would be allowed.

davidcameroon Sun 06-Mar-16 09:32:01

I was shocked to see slapping suggested on a thread yesterday. As if that achieves anything?

Attachment Parenting works well with my younger 2 kids. (They are 9 and 12) As with all people they have behaved like brats at points in their lives. There is nothing wrong with me admitting that and if you talked to them, they'd admit it too. The child in the post tantrummed for 40 minutes because they couldn't put stuff on the conveyor belt. That sounds like brattish behaviour to me. As we weren't there it's hard to know whether the child could load the conveyor quickly enough not to inconvenience other people queuing or whether the dad was too anxious a parent to take this request into account so I didn't comment.

There are many ineffectual AP out there. I suspect that some of the vitriol is a result of a poster knowing an ineffectual AP in real life and assuming OP is one and taking it out on her.

Ineffectual attachment parenting is as bad as those parents who are on the other end of the spectrum. Disciplining your child isn't fun but as a parent you need to do it so that your child ends up as a happy member of society.

TheWeeBabySeamus1 Sun 06-Mar-16 10:12:54

I missed the supermarket tantrum thread... and I'm shocked that someone would suggest a slap would calm a tantruming child down, I'd have thought it would make it a million times worse!

I have no issue with how others parent ( so long as its not abusive/neglectful ) but I don't understand the need to label it. Surely most of us just act on instinct and do what best suits our children/families?

I honestly don't know if I practice AP or not confused I just sort of go with the flow IYSWIM. smile

mamamermaid Sun 06-Mar-16 23:02:00

Is there AP or gentle parenting support or a thread for this? I'm also feeling a bit alone about it

imwithspud Sun 06-Mar-16 23:16:12

Really? I've posted a thread or two about my eldest dc's behaviour when it's been especially difficult at times. I've never once had it suggested to me that my child is a brat that needs a slap. In fact I received a lot of helpful and constructive advice/experiences.

RoseDeWittBukater Sun 06-Mar-16 23:19:45

They've realised its total bollocks?

lorelei9 Sun 06-Mar-16 23:26:56

I thiught you meant in real life!

Sorry to say, the only one I know now has a child in counselling because he couldn't cope with being separated from his mum (to go to nursery or reception or whatever it's called now) after four years of being as physically close to her as possible.

Yes, I kept my trap shut. No, I wasn't surprised. Interestingly, I know some in the family wanted to talk to her re possible link but no one has so far. Feel sorry for her DS though, but this must happen a lot, so I'm hoping he'll be fine soon....or as soon as realistically possible.

Dontyouopenthattrapdoor Sun 06-Mar-16 23:31:18

How about you change your assumption that people who don't practice attachment parenting are a) less thoughtful and b) not child centred, and then I'll give your thread a bit more credence.

MrsWigster1991 Sun 06-Mar-16 23:31:47

What happened to just parenting? grin

I dunno what child centred parenting or attachments parenting is (is it baby wearing?)

MrsWigster1991 Sun 06-Mar-16 23:34:30

Hold on isn't all parenting child centred? I'm off to Google.

lorelei9 Sun 06-Mar-16 23:55:17

Mrs, that made me lol when I first heard it. Bit like "adult dating site" wtf else is it, a children's dating site? words need to actually mean what they say!

SirChenjin Mon 07-Mar-16 07:00:29

No, only parents who give themselves the title 'child centred' parent in a child centred way. The rest of us are screaming harpies who slap our children when we're not ignoring them.

Bunbaker Mon 07-Mar-16 07:02:27

"What happened to just parenting? grin

I dunno what child centred parenting or attachments parenting is (is it baby wearing?)"

Why do parents need labels for the way they parent? Why can't they just get on with it?

Northernlurker Mon 07-Mar-16 07:31:31

I know what you mean OP. I saw a thread recently where a child might have SEN and in any case was a small child behaving like a small child and the posts were vicious.

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